Long Term SAD Setback

[Adam]

Hi,

I'm extremely reluctant making this post for all the obvious reasons, but reading some of the other posts here has given me the courage to do so. I'm 48, have had s.a.d for at least 35-40 of those years and have never sought advice on the subject. I've never been diagnosed officially, and have only started to fully accepted the fact recently, due to a problem I'm facing. A problem I had managed to avoid up until this point in my life. I have done some reading online over the years to get an understanding of my condition and believed I understood it well enough. I spent my teenage years and most of my 20s completely ignorant and fighting off depression. After realizing s.a.d was the main cause I was able to move past the depression, or so I thought. Gradually I chose to live a very isolated life and not rely on other people for my own happiness. I have never been able to hold a job for a long period of time, or had many friends that ever lasted particularly long. I have never found any true happiness, but in recent years I had found peace. There has always been a personal reason that has allowed me to get out of bed each and everyday. The peace I had found always had a clock on it and I knew it. It gave me both the confidence and motivation to step well out of my comfort zone and that seems to have backfired on me. The combination, of my s.a.d and lacking social skills which have deteriorated over time, has left me extremely confused and disappointed to say the least. I am capable of, participate in, and enjoy short social interactions. However I have never been capable of speaking to a gp, or anyone really, face to face about mental health. Any advice on moving forward after a huge reality check and setback would be appreciated. I'll say thank you, now, for reading...and any replies, as I'm unsure if I will respond to any. Sorry hope you understand.

[Croix]

Dear Adam~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good move. If I understand correctly you are referring to Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression.   While I do not have SAD I do have bouts of depression and have gained considerable assistance to help reduce and cope with it. These measures, clinically based, have been quite effective, though it has taken a long time to find the correct medication.

I'm now in a much better place and more equipped to dealing wiht work and people. I was never able to reach that stage by myself and often life was not worth living -or so I felt.

For you to have coped wiht this condition -and the effects on your life - for so long shows a great deal of internal strenght, but I think now maybe you are finding it is time - no matter how much you dislike the idea - to do something about it. And that starts with a GP -just what you did not want:(

Can I suggest that if the idea of a face to face meeting is daunting, and you are afraid that will not be a success becuse you become distracted, embarrassed or overwhemed then write out your history and circumstances in point form (not too long) and hand the paper over. (Your post above would do at a pinch.)

This has a lot of advantages. You have plenty of time to write it, so are less likley to leave anything out, either due to reluctance or plain forgetting them. The consultation is easier as you do not have ot explain everything from the start, just answer questions - and the GP has a list to work from.

I found it an easy way to go.

While I have no idea what the huge reality check and setback were perhaps they can be used as a powerful reason for taking action

As I found life can be better

You are always welcome here

Croix

[therising]

Hi Adam

I think making greater sense of our triggers doesn't necessarily make them easy to manage but at least the revelations can come with some sense of greater self understanding. Kind of like 'Okay, I understand that this is how I tick at this time of year' or 'This is how I tick, under the circumstances or these circumstances'. I've always found the next best question to be 'Why?'. Can take a heck of a lot of detective work at times but it can be well worth the time, looking for clues, doing some research and even employing someone else to solve the mystery or mysteries when it comes to how and why we work the way we do.

In managing my own mental health over the years, I've come to be one of those mind/body/spirit kinda gals. This was never my plan, to become one of those people. I think this is based on having experienced mental challenges with depressing belief systems, ways of thinking and internal dialogue and while the seriously unromantic version of who we are is 'a big bag of chemistry and chemical reactions', amongst other physical factors, I've found depression can be more than just mentally based. From a non mental and non physical perspective, depression can naturally just feel plain soul destroying at times. I think finding people who really get that, really relate to it, can come as some form of relief.

I've also found the word 'until' plays a big part in our overall wellbeing. 'I've never had a problem with a lack of meaningful relationships/friendships until...', 'I've never had an issue with a lack of social skills until...', 'I've never suffered from twisting in the wind with no sense of direction until...' and on it goes. 'Until' implies a first time challenge of such magnitude and I think we have to be really kind to our self and patient with our self while we're navigating uncharted territory. We've never been here before, in such a significant way, in a way we can feel so deeply. I think one of the greatest revelations in life would have to be 'Certain paths in life require guides who can also help shed light when it comes to us working out who we truly are and how we naturally tick. I believe such paths are not meant to be navigated alone, in the dark'.