learning to live with anxiety

[HelenM]

For many years I've been troubled by depression on and off. Over the years it's become milder. In this last year it's been very mild indeed and the doctor says that it's far more anxiety now.

Well, at the beginning of this year I became terrified of going right back down and that fear is dominating my life. Lately I've been getting physical symptoms of anxiety, tightness of chest, palpitations, butterflies. I'm getting headaches too.

I'm told that I won't go back down, the depression's mild and my fear is a spell I'm going through and won't make me ill as long as I keep on with my routine.I'm doing this but life is hard going. My fear did subside for a couple of days recently but came back. The fact that it went briefly is, I suppose, a good sign.

My Doctor sees it as another episode in my mental health problems. I have always come through bad spells but this fear factor is something I'm not used to and it's amazing how flexible my fear is. One time I think I'll become really depressed because I can't sleep; then it's because my nephew's ill and the worry will be too much. Just now I'm getting headaches and worried that all this stress will bring on a depression. Everybody who knows me assures me that my depression won't return and that the fear will go. 

I don't really know that anyone can advise me on this. But thanks for reading anyway.

Helen 

[Beltane]

Hiya again Helen. We had a talk about a similar issue not long again didnt we? You posted a similar topic. I'm sorry you havent found the help you need yet. Forgive me if i make the same suggestions as last time. I think you and/ or your doctor are kinda missing the bigger picture here.

Depression and anxiety are like brother and sister- they are really two sides of the same mental illness. You are right in that mental illness does evolve, change, "mutate", lets say. This is  the same mental illness you've always had, only its showing its "anxiety" face at the moment. We all go through stages where different "faces" of our illness show.
For instance, i have bipolar, anxiety, depression. I'm going through a phase currently where the depression is the one thats flaring up a little. A month or so ago i had a week where the anxiety flared. I remember not long ago having a minor hypomanic episode which is f course the " bipolar" face showing itself.

You're anxiety seems to be steadily increasing and is a sure sign that your mental illness is currently not as well controlled as it could be. Your doctor really needs to start listening to your concerns. She's kinda missing the forest for the trees- shes sitting there trying to reassure you that you wont return into depression while ignoring symptoms that are strongly suggesting your illness actually is playing up- the Anxiety.

I highly recommend you get yourself into a psychologist- your doctor can provide you with the referral to get Medicare subsidised visits so it wont cost you much.She can and should reconsider looking at your medications. Its all very good and well that your medication is mostly controlling your depression, though you describe a continued mild depression which is concerning- a medication really should be working a bit better than that.

Sure you cant expect to be happy and perfect constantly- my illness is "well controlled" but as i said above i still have minor little bumps. The difference is they're rare, mild, and are far and few in between- i have long periods of "normalcy". That's what you want to be going for.

It really sounds like you need some better treatment, if not for the mild depression you still have, then certainly for the anxiety. it is a mental illness too and needs treatment. If your doctor wont listen, find one who will. You deserve treatment for the anxiety, not someone who is ignoring it.

[Neil_1]

Dear Helen,

Well, you can thank me twice, cause I read your post twice.  🙂

Like so many of us, you’ve been battling with a long and difficult journey in surviving with mental health problems.   And as you’ve been going along, it seems that you are doing really awesome stuff with the battle and seemingly sounding like you’re winning with the depression, as you’ve mentioned that it’s become milder over the years.  Huge kudos and mega positive tick for you.

Then enter anxiety and all the symptoms that relate to that, so another battle;   and now the feeling of fear.

Do you feel that with the continuation of your routine and the same approach that you take on a daily basis, is that something that helped contribute to you lowering your levels of depression?  I guess that along with other support types of psyches, doctors, medication, etc.    If I’m assuming correctly here, then do you think that this approach might be a possible path to take with battling this new symptom of fear??

And yes, I read that as a very good sign where you said that it went away for a couple of days.  Not sure if you can recreate just what you were doing for those two days (if in fact it was anything substantial that you were doing) but I always try to think back to when I had a few good moments, to think what I was doing in the lead up.

Again, just me waffling a bit, but hope that some of the waffle is ‘sweet’ and useful.   Damnit, now I’m hungry !

Neil

[White_Rose]

Dear Helen

We have talked on and off for a while. I was hoping you had received more help with your depression/anxiety/fear but that seems not to be the case. I do agree with Beltane about the care your are receiving. Not sure how different your system is to ours but I am guessing you have the same medications and a referral system to specialists like psychologists. Unfortunately I cannot remember if you see a psych.

Just a thought, but do you find the winter affects your mood more negatively than the summer? Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) can affect people when there is reduced sunlight. So do you manage to get out into the sun for reasonably long periods each day? This may be a way to pick up your mood.

Fear is horrible and seems more insidious than anxiety. Sneaky little devil. So I believe it needs different ways to manage this.

I was going to say a number of things but I got side tracked and now I cannot remember what they were. Ah, the loss to the world???? Maybe I should get out in the sun more.

Regards

Mary

[HelenM]

Hi Neil

Keeping up with my routine has always been the most important factor in my health. the first time I was ill that all fell to pieces and it took a while before the right med was found to start me on the path to recovery. Since then I have learnt that routine is crucial. Tbh I could be on perfect meds but if I stayed in the house I would still go down. In the last 13 years I can count on one hand the number of times I've not been out at all, even though I may be feeling really good. Those good days Neil were due to my social life I think. This Friday I'm going to the pub with friends so that might help. There's a pub we go to after a shift in the charity shop and I find it very therapeutic there. Whilst I'm not well I stick to coke etc but that's okay.

I see my doctor in a few weeks and will have another chat with her. I do think the Winter weather here can contribute to depression/anxiety and I keep telling myself that in the Spring things will improve.

Thanks, Helen x

[Beltane]

Maybe getting yourself a nice social hobby with other people might help you get out of the house, and out of this rut. Think about what you'd like to do, a class, a group, whatever, go try it out.

i think I've suggest things like vitamin D and sun lamps which are known to help with seasonal affective disorder 

[HelenM]

Hi Beltane

I think you're right about getting out. I do help in a charity shop and go to a crochet group. But I think that maybe I need to do something else as being in the house a lot is getting me down.

Regarding the sun lamp. I did buy one a few years ago and gave it a good try but it didn't help me - it helps some and not others. I've since given it away and hope the woman gets some benefit.

I get what you say about my meds but as I've mentioned I'm in Scotland and the doctor calls the shots. To pay for help would be way out of my budget. Having said that I'm due to see my gp again soon and intend having the discussion again.

Thanks for your help, Helen x