Anxious 24/7 and not sure where to turn next.

[tully]

Hi. I am a 50 year old woman who has had some form of anxiety all my life. I have always felt the gut churning fear of any sort of conflict. Over many years, I have worked out what I think my anxiety is, but I have not been able to eliminate it. I have worked with therapists, psychologists, meditated, run, did yoga, took benzodiazepines, found a hobby, talked about it, wrote about it. But still it persists. That feeling of impending doom, all the time, even when I wake up from a good night’s sleep. It’s there.  Nothing specific that I am worried about, in fact, a lot of the time, I am not thinking of anything at all!  I feel ill in my stomach, with a feeling of jitters or butterflies. I feel lethargic and tired, unmotivated, dizzy, breathless, sweaty. It often feels like someone has injected me with a shot of adrenalin, and I experience the whole flight or fight reaction.

This happens on average, 5 times a day. Sometimes, there is a trigger, my little dog escapes the house, or I have seen a snake in the garden. Quite normal triggers to a little fright. But more often or not, there is no external trigger. It just happens, I feel bad, dizzy, stomach pain, tired .... etc. I do talk to people about this, and mostly get the reaction that I shouldn't worry so much, or to go for a walk etc.  All well meaning advice, but it does not help. I used to run, until I damaged my knee but even this was only a temporary help. After an hour of running, I would get perhaps an hour of relief and then back to the same anxious feeling.  I guess I am posting this as a cry for help, although I know in my heart that there is no magic cure. I think I have tried all that there is to do, and now I am at a loss as to what to try next.

I do push myself, put on a smiley face, and get on with life, but it always feels so hollow inside. Like I am living a lie, or living a life that makes my family and loves ones feel I should.  I don't think I am depressed however, just anxious. I have managed to arrange my life so that I can have time to myself when it gets really bad, I have a supportive and loving husband, I have a lovely garden to escape to. I should be happy and content as I am so lucky. But I am not, I feel so ungrateful. I would love to chat to anyone who feels this too, and maybe find something that helps. Thank you

[Neil_1]

Hi there Tully

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and sharing your post.

Oh boy, you’ve sure detailed out a lot of things in your post and I must say it’s one of the most well constructed posts that I’ve seen for quite some time.  In fact, you’ve listed so many things that it almost makes me think that I’ve got next to nothing to suggest for you;   almost.  🙂

That’s awesome that you’ve got a great home life with hubby and that you’ve got measures in place for some “me time” when things get bad;  which by the sound of it, unfortunately still happen way too often.

So in short, you feel that pretty much most everything that you’ve tried, has not been of benefit to you??   Or that it may have worked for a short while but then the anxiety demons come back to “play again”.

This one is totally out of left field (and you may have tried it or that it’s of no use at all), but has your diet been reviewed at all over this time?   I’m just wondering if there may be some link to this through a potential food item – perhaps internal allergy?   I’m not even sure if there is such a thing, but hey, it never hurts to ask – cause if you don’t ask, you never find out anything (oh, that’s my childhood – slight digression).

You mention that you’ve written about it – was that into a word document kind of thing;   like a journal for how you were feeling at the time;   things that you did and for how you felt afterwards;   that kind of thing??

Have you tried putting a pen in your mouth;  where it touches or has the tendency to touch all your teeth – it kind of puts a grin on your face;  to help work the ‘smiling muscles’.  Not sure why I mentioned that, just thought I would.

Now I’m not sure if anything that I’ve written has been useful;  I do hope so, even if you got a grin out of something.   I would really like to hear back from you though;  as I’m sure also that others who have read your story would be keen to hear more from you.

Kind regards

Neil