learning how to cope

[cdan_sm]

hello.

two years ago, my cousin (who i hadn't spoken to for many years due to our mothers' disagreements) took her own life due to depression. i have always been a nervous person, but this seemed to set it off extremely. we used to be basically sisters, and when she was gone i missed her so much i couldn't breathe, whereas my siblings seemed a bit upset but recovered very quickly. this being said, it felt like i had no right to miss her because i didn't really know who she was. i now listen to her favourite music, amity affliction, a lot and that either helps or makes it worse but im coping. i am almost constantly anxious or nervous about something, and fit pretty much every symptom to multiple anxiety disorders. i also suffer from panic attacks.

i am still in high school and after an "anonymous" test about mental health we all had to complete, my parents were contacted and were
'recommended' to take me to the school councellor. she is nice enough, but i don't really feel like i can tell her everything or discuss it really because she mostly just talks about how all i have to do is redirect nueral pathsways and stuff which doesn't help me. and now its like my parents have forgotten it was even an issue. i kind of want to see a therapist or psychologist, but i just found out my dads business isn't going well anymore so now we have to move house, so i don't want to put extra financial strain or pressure on them.

i guess im just seeking advice or guidance of how to cope with all of this..? thanks xx

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi cdan.sm,

Thanks for your post and for sharing what's going on with you.

There's kind of a few things that comes to mind while reading it so I might be a bit random in my replies!

I think the most important thing I want to tell you is that you have every every right to miss your cousin and grieve for her. There's no rules. I've felt like I've been torn apart for people I've barely met. It's a-okay to feel that way. Please give yourself permission for that - because I think feeling like you have no right is just not fair and not helping.

Eh. Neural pathways. That sounds so unhelpful. >.< I can totally see why you don't feel like you can tell her anything. Do you think you could tell her that you don't think it's helping? Maybe if she hears that feedback she might be able to change tactic and support you in a different way.

and money.. totally get that too. But there can be some ways around it.

Not sure how old you are but Headspace offers free counselling for those aged 12-25. https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/

The other thing that a lot of people do is talk to a GP. There's a MHCP (Mental Health Care Plan) that you can get that enables 10 visits to a psychologist - either free or hugely discounted, depending on who you see. So that might help too.

Hope this gives you a place to start.

[smallwolf]

cdan.sm,

Hi. Just checking in to see if you are still around and how you are going?

Tim