Just quit my job due to anxiety

[Anxietyridden]

Hello. I have just quit a job after 2 days as my anxiety took over. I can't stop myself from thinking you can't do it, you are doing it wrong and people don't like me. My husband is ok with me not having a job but it makes me anxious as I don't want to put more pressure on him. I want to work but just can't handle it emotionally at the moment. I feel like a letdown and useless. I am going to see a counsellor to try and get help but I suppose I just wanted to see what other people think. Did I do the right thing quitting? 

[therising]

Hi Anxietyridden

I'd have to say the job I have always loved the most and was pretty good at, if I do say so myself, was the job of stay at home mum. I loved it so much. With my son being 18 and my daughter 21, it's more a casual job these days, with time to go out and generate extra income. That extra income was part of the family's 'wonder budget'. You know, like 'I wonder what the food from that restaurant would taste like, let's see' or 'I wonder what it would be like to have this/that, let's see'. Not so much wondering this year with only enough money to pay the bills.

As the new year moves closer, I can feel my nervous system starting to ramp up a little, while wondering what the heck kind of job I'm going to go into. I can relate to your stress, as I'm not sure if I'm ready. So outside the square and incredibly specific but I thought 'I'd love to work with cats. I love cats'. You wouldn't believe it but a few weeks after realising what I think I'd like to do, a job came up working in a cattery (kitty holiday resort place) just down the road from where I live. Next year I'll go and knock on the door and ask if they've got any positions going, now that I know they advertise for inexperienced people in that kind of job. If all the planets are aligned, so to speak, they'll say 'Sure, when can you start?'. While having had jobs in aged care, community services, disability services (working with adults with intellectual challenges) and a scattering of other things, I feel like it's time to care for animals this time around. I think the challenge is to get a feel for what we want to do. Taking it even further, once we get a feel for it then we have to get a feel for whether the management we're working for is the right kind of management or whether they're too triggering to work for. Same with the rest of the staff too. Bit of a Goldilocks experience, getting a feel for what feels right and what feels wrong. The added challenge is not to care what people think of our choice, the choice that suits us. If someone was to say to me 'Why the heck would you get a job scooping cat poop?!, my response would be 'You dissing the job I love? What's up with you? Why so depressing?'. 😊

We got this. We can do it and we gotta be kind to our self at the same time. ❤️

[Anxietyridden]

Thank you everyone. I do know that I need to look after myself but let me tell you the guilt I feel is overwhelming. My hubby has just left for work at 5.30am and I feel so guilty that I am just going to sit at home today while he is at work. 

I had a session with a counsellor and she says I have anxiety and social anxiety (yay) and that I should get a work from home job. I don't even know where to start looking for that type of job.

I just don't know how to flick the switch from caring to not caring I suppose and I am so sick of feeling this way.

[white knight]

Hi AR

Worry and guilt are non productive self compelling thoughts and feelings we need to work on with a balance of active counter measures at the same time not becoming paranoid about them, hence the difficulty with the challenges.

In your case the guilt is coming from expectations from yourself to perform in the workplace and society that in terms of the common workplace, has all of us bundled together as "capable workers". That isnt fair on the fringe of people that have issues.

While you have some knowledge of your anxiety and so on you do have a lot of unknowns. These could be not knowing enough about your-

• Mental illnesses or capabilities
• Triggers
• Endurance as in not having any
• Inability to slide into a new environment
• Tolerating people

Your counsellor suggested working from home and you dont know where to start. When unemployed in the early 1990's I had this problem. Eventually I started my own lawn mowing round which was ok till an old back injury returned. Then I built cubby houses in my shed with the idea I'd use cranes etc to not effect my sore back but that didnt work. It is extremely hard to make a reasonable income from working at home. The only business I've seen successful is an Ebay seller, to a degree.

To help you and hubby cope, you both need to (IMO) accept that it could be a few years before you will be well enough to reassess your working ability. Your mind needs repairing as a broken limb does, to accept that is better than stewing over why you cant work. The worry you are going through CAN be as bad as the actual reason you cant work!!

Here is a few threads pertaining to that. You only need to read the first page.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor/td-p/321604

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/acceptance-is-this-our-biggest-challenge/td-p/14769...

TonyWK

[KMF]

You did what is right for you. Don’t compare yourself to others. If you are able to not be in paid work at the moment explore options that will better suit you. Take care 🙏

[Anxietyridden]

I agree with everything that everyone is saying I just wish my mind would accept it. My counsellor wants me to write down things I like about myself and I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. How sad is that.

I am so cranky with myself because I feel I just should be able to get over this crap and move on(but I know it isn't that easy) I hate myself to be honest. Why can't I work. Why don't I have motivation to do anything. I am so tired. Yesterday I thought to myself get up in the morning and go for a walk. Woke up and said no won't go for a walk. Not motivated. I absolutely hate it. 

I have no clue what I am going to do for work. I deleted all of the job aps yesterday as it was giving me anxiety when I was looking at them but now I feel guilty. 

My biggest feeling is guilt.

I just want a job I can do to stop this feeling. 

Rant over 

[white knight]

Hi again,

Think of your challenges as a mountain you have to climb. There is no easy route or way of doing it, except, as you climb if you're thinking of other things it is easier, if you focus on the next step and not be overwhelmed by the height of that mountain it is easier.

People around you and here can supply you with ideas from their own similar experiences but nothing will work until 1. You are ready mentally for the challenge  2. You endure the treatment that gives you the capacity to implement changes

TonyWK 

[Beaser]

Hi again AR.

Just checking in. Im sorry for what your going through. 

You sound like a person who would be a very conscious and good worker. I hope you can be proud of this .

I left my long time job in 2022 and have done some retail work that wasnt a fit for me.   

I am now just doing 4 hrs volunteer work at a Hospital. A small step but a positive one.. 

 I hope you can be a bit kinder to yourself , maybe rushing into another job isnt the best option, im not sure. 

Best wishes for the day.        Brett.

[therising]

Hi Anxietyridden

So hard to stop analysing why we think, feel and behave in the ways we do when we're trying to analyse the hell out of everything. Makes sense that if you want to find heaven on earth, so to speak, you gotta analyse the hell out of things. What better than to find people who'll help us analyse the hell out of everything, instead of leaving us alone to do it for our self or insisting that we just stop trying to do it (stop analysing).

With the woman who trained you for those 2 and a half days, Grrr! Can recall training a few people who discovered after just 1 or 2 training shifts 'This job's not for me, it's too stressful'. Can't say that I blame them. They were spot on. The pre-existing staff all agreed the job was too stressful for them, let alone a new person who was learning the ropes. One of the reasons I left that job was based on my nervous system not liking it.

With guilt, it can definitely be a challenge at times, that's for sure. Not sure if it will help but I found that when I came to redefine guilt, the feeling associated with it changed. While once it led me to feel 'wrong' or 'not good enough' or 'a horrible person', nowadays it leads me to feel a sense of consciousness. I'll offer a scene to trigger the imagination: Just say you've been on a path of self doubt and self chastisement, you get to a signpost that points to one path being 'Continue working while continuing to suffer with less time to truly discover and develop yourself' and the other path points to 'Become a full time master of self understanding, with no time to go out to work'. Which path will you choose? Second path sounds good to me. Guilt is the point of choice. It's the signpost where beliefs are changed and direction is chosen. Personally, whenever I'm feeling a sense of guilt, that feeling's telling me I'm at a signpost or a 'fork in the road' moment of conscious choice. Guilt is a prompt to ask 'Who do I want to be from this point forward, based on the path I choose?'. It helps you choose your 'I am' or identity. Forget to pack your child's lunch for school, there's guilt asking you how you want to identify, as someone who says 'I am someone who really cares, who simply forgot what I should have remembered, based on a lot of distractions. I'll make it now and drop it off at school' or someone who says 'I am someone who is hopeless and I am someone who has led my child to suffer'. From a sense of guilt comes a positive action (making the lunch and dropping it off).

The question can come down to 'What is guilt asking me to become conscious of?'. Maybe it's asking you whether you're prepared to work as hard as your husband in the time you have to gain greater self understanding and self mastery. What would that hard work look like?