Intrusive irrational ocd thought.

[PlushMonkey]

I’ve never cheated but I’m having these CRAZY irrational thoughts that my baby isn’t my partners. It all started by a stupid dream I had that I was forced to have nonconsentual sex… this happened at the beginning 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I then thought… was I violated? I got over it quickly and never thought about it until the last week and I started over analysing everything and kept saying “what if my baby isn’t my partners” and I keep thinking about the time I had the weekend before I found out I was pregnant. I was at home with my 3 younger sisters and my sisters boyfriend with his two guy mates who are like 10 years younger (they’re 17 and I’m 27) and I was black out drunk and I went to bed and I keep having irrational thoughts that they have came into my room and ... while I’ve been sleeping and my sisters are covering it up. It sounds so stupid I had to freaking ask my sister if anyone came into my room that night and she looked at me like I’m stupid and said no? But apart of me is like is she lying? lol.

I keep reassuring myself by saying:


For example Im like

1) my sisters would of told me straight away or atleast by now, if it wasn’t my sisters it would be my mum because my sisters are loud mouths… plus they’re so aware of their surroundings so if one of the boys did go into my room they’ll know straight away because they’re the type of people if they haven’t seen anyone in a tiny while then they’ll search the house lol
2) I remember waking up the next morning and I still had my dress, undies and big baggy jumper on… even tho I don’t remember going into bed I remember one of my sisters coming into the room at 4:30 to wake me up to drink again but I said no.
3) I’ve became obsessed with the idea of conception now and I’m like well if something did happen to me in my sleep and everyone’s covering it up then I know when I conceived as the ultrasound dates lead back to conception 5 days before that date and I had a blood test indicating I was ovulating and was intimate two days after that blood test and that’s what my ultrasound goes back on
4) I cannot get a positive pregnancy test 7 days after being intimate especially when I had a strong pregnancy test.. like I’ve became obsessed over the idea of my sister lying to me and it actually happening.

panicking for no reason and having a crazy irrational thoughts even tho I know how conception works, I trust my sister saying the truth and she even swore on her sons life because I asked her too because of my anxiety

[Sophie_M]

Dear PlushMonkey

You have been going through a complex and confusing experience. We applaud your courage to post this confusion here in our forum. Our members are quite helpful and caring.

We are pleased to see that you realise, in your rational mind, that no violation actually occurred, and we would like to encourage you to continue reminding yourself, multiple times per day, that you are safe, and you and your partner are expecting a new baby. This is something to be very excited about, and these positive thoughts which you tell yourself WILL, over time, counteract the fearful thoughts which a frightened part of you is telling yourself. And, most importantly, this frightened part of you is not bad, so we encourage you to understand it, rather than constantly trying to beat yourself up because of it.

One question we suggest you might try asking yourself (in a very gental way) is, "Why am I reacting so strongly to the dream I had?"

We are very pleased to welcome you to our community, and encourage you to interact with us at your level of comfort.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Petal22]

Hi PlushMonkey,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im so sorry you are experiencing this, OCD is a very cruel condition.

OCD is a vicious cycle but it’s a vicious cycle that you can learn how to break free of with the correct help.

“What if “ questions are one of the things that will keep you in the vicious cycle and reassurance seeking is also something that will keep you in the vicious cycle of OCD.

I understand that the anxiety that comes with this condition is very intense.

I have a lived condition of OCD, I’ve now recovered from this condition thanks the professional help that I received.

I did a therapy for my OCD it was an intervention into the OCD it gave me all of the tools I needed to master my OCD.

OCD is very treatable.

I recommend that seek professional help for what you are experiencing starting from your gp, ask your gp if you can be referred to someone who specialises In OCD.

Im here if you have any questions