Infidelity and anxiety - where to start

[Reasonstosmile]

I have always been a naturally anxious person (constant worrying, zoning out, easily panicked etc) which has often interfered with every day life, though I have not sought help in the past for it. However I have recently moved to Australia from the UK to be with my partner and it has now become an issue that can't be ignored.

My partner moved here 6 months before I did, so this time was spent in a long distance relationship, with the exception of a 3 week visit from myself. A couple of days after giving up everything and moving here for him I unearthed an overwhelming pile of evidence from social media that my partner had been cheating for a period of time while we were apart with someone he had presented to me as a friend, to which a couple of months before I joined him in the country they proceeded to resume a platonic friendship. I had the choice of staying and working things out or getting the next flight back out of there.

In an effort to pursue with the life we had planned together, I decided to stay and try to get over this. Upon me finding out about them, my partner immediately ended the friendship and no longer has any contact with the woman he cheated with, and has also erased all evidence of his infidelity. This has helped to not upset me further as almost all trace of their relationship has been removed.

It has been three months since I found out, however, and I am starting to realise that the situation I have been exposed to has caused my anxiety to spiral out of control. I have spent the past few months feeling broken, scared and detached (being several thousand miles away from home may also be a contributing factor).

I am unsure where to start in getting help, as I believe that he will not hurt me any more but it is my anxiety flaring up and fear that I won't get back to feeling 'normal' that is getting in the way of everyday life. Because of the detail of evidence I found (thank you social media...) it is something that continues to haunt me. Would relationship counselling be a viable approach in this situation or would it be best to address my own mental health issues first?

[Hope_for_the_best]

I would say both. Even though your partner stopped cheating, the relationship "mishap" has caused you a lot of anxiety. Since you decided to stay with him, it is important to reestablish trust between you two. Relationship counselling is essential to get your relationship with him back on track. At the same time, you need to address the stress/anxiety living in a new place. For that, you will need some individual counselling. I would suggest that you visit a GP and get a referral for counselling. It would be great if you can find someone who can offer you both relationship and individual counselling.

Good luck settling in Australia!

[geoff]

hi reasonstosmile, welcome to Australia and this could cause problems which must not forget about, so try and keep in contact with your family and friends back home hopefully you all have Skype.
What Hope.for.the.best has said is excellent, and if one of these doesn't work the way you had expected then try the other, or do both.
Your partner has owned up and now he needs to rebuild his trust with you, because at the back of your mind there maybe still some worry that is causing your anxiety, once he has proved this then you will feel better, but please keep in touch with us, as we welcome you. Geoff.