I work full time - currently experiencing elevated anxiety - and take illicit substances to cope with the workload

[kPo]

This is my first time posting - but i don't know where else to get proper advice.

I work full time, live in a regional town with thousands of others but am here alone. It's the night before my 25th birthday (40 mins away), and I want to get help - Can I go to the hospital?

I need to get off this s**t (ice) but I'm afraid I'll lose my job because I'll be unable to keep up with work demands. Up until recently I've been doing moderately well, considering what I've been putting in my body. I've somehow to managed to hold my job, but I know I'm on my last leg with them. They're aware of my anxiety issues, to some extent. But each time I have a rough patch and am unable to attend work, or I need to leave due to an overbearing situation, I'm left feeling hollow and feeling like my words are falling on deaf ears. They "understand" what I'm going through, but do nothing to help otherwise. I can't talk to my workplace about the extent of my issues, that would be highly inappropriate and would definitely get me fired. I know it's stupid - smoking ice to stay awake and do work. But I can't blame work entirely. I've known for a while that I started smoking it to cope with a relationship breakdown with my partner (same sex btw).

What do I do? I am so dedicated to this job. Not many queer POC in their early 20s gets a senior corporate job. But I want to leave. Money is the main issue holding me in, but the longer I stay I feel like more and more is going to this addiction and further elevating the anxiety.

They're aware to some extent of my elevated anxiety issues, but I feel they're on their last breath with me and I hate the thought of burdening others with my issues. I work with some absolutely lovely people, so know that it isn't the people I work with that triggers my anxiety... it's the constant thought of failure; of disappointing those who have given so much to me; of being viewed as "just another queer, drug addicted person of colour". I don't want to be viewed by labels, I want to be seen by the way I convey my words, by the way I express feelings to people around me, I want to connect to other people but anxiety holds me back. Methamphetamines are definitely no solution, just a bandaid into dull my brain.

I don't live far from the hospital, and will head there shortly. I just want to know if other people have wound up in a similar situation.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear kPo,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I am sorry to hear of the stress and anxiety you are experiencing at the moment. And work is such a big part of our lives too, that it seems to take over our minds all too easily.

As you seem to be already aware though, illicit drugs are not really going to help. Certainly not in the long run.

And it's on that note that I would like to make a suggestion; that being perhaps as well as getting medical advice for a safe and supported detox (assuming that's what you want to do?), maybe you could also try attending some meetings of Narcotics Anonymous? Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of people just like yourself, who have struggled with addiction and anxiety and who meet together regularly to support each other to get clean and stay clean. And in NA, there's a whole variety of people; young or old, rich or poor, black or white, intelligent or simple, gay or straight ...... really it's a bit like a zoo in that there's one of every kind!!

Anyway, the number to call if you would like to chat to someone about your addiction is 1300 652 820. And if you would like to have a look at the website, go to www.na.org.au for more information.

By the way, my name is Mel, and I have been clean and sober for 22 years now. Best decision I ever made too. Ever. Not the easiest, but definitely the best. I drank booze and used a number of different drugs for 11 years, trying to alleviate my anxiety and PTSD, and all it ever did was strip away everything that had mattered to me; jobs, partners, friends, family ..... it was just a downhill spiral out of control.

Until I stopped. And I did that by attending NA and AA, by not picking up the first drug one day at a time, and by attending regular frequent meetings.

I have a very different life now. One that is not free from challenges ..... but they're just a better class of challenge these days! And I can tell you with absolute certainty, that I'd rather have a bad day clean than a 'good' day using. I now have my own place (with a mortgage), a job that I love, a partner that is very loving and supportive, plenty of friends, and my dignity.

One day at a time, is how I got the life I have now, and it's awesome!

I must go now because I'm running out of room! I hope that helps a little. If you want to, let me know how you go with the NA idea, yeah? Otherwise, take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo