I’m just no good

[Sam_p]

I’m just no good those are the words that are on repeat in my head non stop.

I feel I’m bad at everything I do so I just don’t do anything. My whole life I have been in the special needs classes because of my dyslexia. Everyone always calld me stupid growing up from my teachers to my so called friends and my parents. Now I’m older I still feel the way I did back then. I got married had a beautiful daughter but still I’m not good enough there is something wrong broken inside me and I can’t be happy. I have no friends because I can’t let anyone get close because I know they will just think I’m stupid and not want to talk to me. I don’t know what to do about this anymore it’s been years since I left school and all that behind these feelings and thoughts have only festerd and grown. I’m not good enough.

[BoltRog]

You're enough. We're here for you, and you're enough.

Let's pretend for a second that you're stupid (I'm sure you're not, but let's pretend.) Are you not worthy of love because you're 'stupid'? No. You are worthy of love. Does your daughter not love you cause you're 'stupid'? Nope. I bet she does love you (and I bet she thinks you're the smartest person alive). Are you not worthy of god's love or if you don't believe in god, the universe's love and good karma, because you're 'stupid'? Of course you are. Does being 'stupid' make you a bad person? Nope. Now let's stop pretending you're stupid, cause you're not. There are tons of different kinds of intelligence in this world, there's street smarts, book smarts, emotional intelligence, people who are good at languages, but bad at math, people who are good at math but bad at languages. Then there's people who are smart but seem dumb because they're so anxious that they make mistakes in front of others and people tell them they're dumb, over and over again... and then you believe it. You're not dumb, you might just not realise what kind of smart you are. I just wanted to remind you of all of that. You have a lot of good you can give to the world, just by caring for others and by caring for yourself. If that's all you can focus on, focus on that. Hang in there. You're enough.

Hope I helped in some small way.

BoltRog.

[Sam_p]

Thank you

[White_Rose]

Dear Sam

Welcome to the forum. You are obviously clever because you have posted on this forum. That's smart.

I can see how you have accepted the label of being stupid. If anyone is told something often enough they will come to believe it. My granddaughter has some dyslexia and was not getting on well in her class. The teachers just wrote her off as being unable to learn much. My daughter had her daughter tested and arranged for her to have some coaching at home. The tutor found out the best way for my granddaughter to learn and my daughter insisted the school incorporated this into her lessons. The result is my granddaughter has gone up a couple of groups and suddenly has become more self confident and happy.

Just something simple to do and it has worked wonders. Well you cannot go back in time to change the way you were taught but you can start to believe in yourself. I am in full agreement with BoltRog's comments. A stupid person would not realise what a fantastic daughter he has. All these other events such as getting married and holding down a job are the result of your abilities.

I feel you are right about the outcome of your childhood abuse. And it is abuse to make anyone believe they are not good enough. Have a look around the forum and see what others say and do. Is your dyslexia still a problem? My son-in-law has dyslexia but he is a computer whizz. How do you reconcile that?

Do you think it would help if you had a few chats to a counsellor? It may help to look at your past and see it for what it was. I understand your memories are of constantly being told how inferior you are but in my opinion this is never true. There is a lot of work put into making someone feel bad. So see your GP and ask for a mental health plan. You can then have ten subsidised visits to a psychologist and start processing the hurtful way you were raised. Your GP can explain the details for you.

Protecting yourself by not having friends or being afraid to get close to anyone is making your life even more miserable. We are a gregarious race and need each other. I would love you to continue posting here and letting us know how you are going.

Mary

[Sam_p]

Thank you Mary for your kindness.

my dyslexia causes me quit a bit of problems. When it comes to spelling and hand writing or anything to do with patterns and remembering numbers in sequence. But not my reading everything I wright i go over using lots of spell checks to try and fix my spelling. I’m afraid to talk to someone about this in person because I know as soon as I start talking I will just break down. My wife is very understanding and has asked me if I want to go speak to someone. I feel very lucky and loved in that respect however that voice is always there telling me I’m no good. I don’t like feeling this way I’m just afraid to go talk to someone in person. Thank you again finding this forum has allowed me to share apart of myself I find hard to share.

[White_Rose]

Thanks Sam

Yes, it is easier to talk when no one knows who you are. However you still had to make the effort so do not sell yourself short. How lovely that your wife is so understanding and caring.

Talking face to face can be confronting but I wonder how you feel about online counselling. Have you looked at web sites such as MindSpot? https://mindspot.org.au/ You may find it OK to speak to someone online. Have a look at MindSpot and see what you think.

I hope this is helpful.

Mary

[Nick_E]

Hi Sam,

Sometimes all we can do to stop that negative self-talk loop is to distract - find a way to get our minds onto another topic.

I'm glad you have strategies around your dyslexia (spell grammerl check), so not stupid!

I've known a lot of people over the years who have needed literacy support; so hard as ignorant adults can be cruel. One thing I've seen is students improve in great leaps when they have some support in this area. Many courses are available or you can get yourself a private tutor. This is just one of those things to manage. No shame in this and the right literacy support person could go a long way to improving your feelings around dyslexia.

Good luck with this:)