I don't like talking to new people

[54321]

Hi I've always known I'm an introvert and have lived in this world by not putting myself too much out of my comfort zone. I don't like talking to new people and some would think I am rude when I perhaps don't acknowledge them. Recently I went on a course for work which has made me super aware of my introvert-ism and social awkwardness. I was a stressed out and had high uncontrollable anxiety on this course as I had to present, think on the spot and talk to new people. This following week I have been more aware of myself and today culminated in me being totally dissapointed in myself. I dropped my son off at school late, as his class was in a PE lesson his teacher was there alone, it was a perfect opportunity for me to ask how he was doing but I couldn't even do that for my son. I smiled told her why he was late and walked away. The thing is in my world where I surround myself with people I am comfortable with I can be quite talkative and even dare I say funny! I am wondering whether I do have social anxiety and if I do is it getting worse and I'm only just realising it. Should I get help and talk to someone. How do I get to the point where I feel ok to talk to necessary people. Thanks for any response, I have only just joined this forum today.

[blondguy]

Hello 54321

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for having the courage to post with us!

You are definitely not on your own as many people feel the same as you do. I understand you as I was always an introvert and mega shy too

You mentioned that you had some bad anxiety. May I ask what symptoms (feelings) you experienced with this awful anxiety? I used to have severe anxiety in my 20's and 30's and it is a bad place to be in. I understand

Just a note that I hope is helpful.....The Beyond Blue Forums are a safe and judgement free place for you to post as many times as you wish 54321 🙂

If you have any questions or thoughts, I hope you can post back

My kind thoughts for you

Paul

[54321]

Hi Paul

Thank you for your kind words. I don't think my anxiety is severe comparing stories but then as I said I keep myself in comfortable situations. I do struggle even if the neighbour is out and wonder whether to say hi or just ignore.

Last week I was on a course where it all came to a head. I had to present to a group on a course and meet new people and make small talk during the lunchtime etc periods. When I found out I had to talk, my pulse was racing and I went into a state of panic. I basically couldn't control the tears that were coming (I felt really embarrassed but couldn't do anything about them). My voice was shaking as I spoke and my mind was racing so fast I couldn't remember what I wanted to say. By the end of the day I was exhausted and I had another two days to go! The course was all about improving ourselves both in business and personally. By the third day of this I did feel a little more comfortable. Even though I know how I do (or don't) interact socially its kind of brought it more to my attention.

Thank you so much for your message, it just feels good to be able to let it out, even though I have done so with my partner.

I don't know whether its worth a little bit of councelling to help me in situations where the unexpected occurs suddenly, so I know how to cope with these better.

[quirkywords]

Hi 54321,

I was wondering if you know anyone or have heard of groups like Toastmasters and Rostrum which help people to develop public speaking skills and to reduce nerves.

I remember a woman came toToastmasters and went out front and cried and the sat down. This was her first speech. She received a lot of encouragement and went to complete several awards . These groups are very supportive and give you advice and practice of how to speak in front of others. You can go along as a guest to see what the happens at meetings.

Just a suggestions as the clubs are welcoming and are used to people who are afraid of public speaking coming along.

Just a suggestion but it may not suit you.

Quirky

Counselling may help too.

[54321]

Thanks Quirky for the suggestions

I don't actually have to present for my job, its more pushing myself out of my comfort zone to go and talk to people such as my kids teacher! If I've thought about what I have to do, so for example planned to ask his teacher how he was doing I would have done it. But on the spot I just wanted to get out of there!

[blondguy]

Thankyou so much for your heartfelt reply 54321

Your middle paragraph spoke volumes about what you are going through...I get it now. My background is senior management and human resources in the private sector..up until Jan 2016

I really empathise with you and the first couple of days that you went through with your course. Many of my staff (and me too) had to take a 'toilet break' before we spoke at a group presentation or a annual general meeting....that was so so difficult to do...

Being a quiet person I always had difficultly doing what you have done so well and good you 54321...:-)

Its just my humble opinion if thats okay....You are doing better than you actually realize....you have kicked some serious goals at your course...Excellent

I dont see any issue with some basic counseling as it will only enhance the strength you already possess. It can be hard being a quiet person and feel like we are 'not as confident' as the people around us

In a nutshell...you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so. When my self confidence/worth starts to run low I book my GP for a double appointment for a fine tune and some reassurance and if I need to my psychologist

I didnt mean to bring up my background re anxiety as everyone's anxiety issues are different of course

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum Family 54321 🙂

You are not alone....in any way 🙂

My kind thoughts

Paul

[54321]

Thank you again for your kind words. I'm just realising that I do have times when my self confidence is low and I'm feeling down. I just try to battle through it and wait till I come out the other side! This is the most sensitive I've been and felt I needed support of a wider community so thank you.

[Miku]

Hi 54321, you have written what I go through every day.

Sometimes when I see someone I know coming my way I even try to hide, even though I genuinely do like them, just can't bring myself to say anything or even acknowledge them and don't want want to be rude.

I have just moved and find it so hard to make friends outside of "forced" situations (like work, where we are just stuck there). I get along with all my coworkers and dance class mates and I know that I have no reason to feel scared but cannot get over it. It takes me long time to suss and finally gain confidence to talk to someone.