How do i explain?

[PBelle]

Just wanting to ask if anyone has any suggestions on how to tell someone that the reason I acted a certain way was because of my illness without it sounding like an excuse or a cope out?
Talking about on here is easy but, I don't how to explain it on the outside. Will they understand that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't control my actions? Or does using my anxiety and saying that I wasn't well an excuse for the behaviour? Should I not say anything or should I be honest about having anxiety issues?

[quirkywords]

PBelle,

What a great question. It is an interesting dilemma and I suppose for me it depends on the behaviour I am explaining. If the behaviour was something I would do whether I had anxiety or not , I would just apologise .

If the behaviour was something to do with my anxiety I would explain about the anxiety and how it affects how I behave at time -the depth of the explanation, would depend on the person I am explaining to. Also it depends on the relationship you have with the person to whom you are explaining.

It also depends how comfortable you feel about talking about your illness.

I have lived with a diagnosis of bipolar for over 40 years and have often thought over the years about whether I should take responsibility , explain about my illness, or just apologise if that is required and say nothing else. I suppose it does depend on the situation and the people involved.

These are just my ideas .

Thanks again it is something I do think about so thanks for this thread.

Quirky

[PBelle]

My anxiety was the reason for my horrible behaviour. I got very emotional, uncontrollable crying, clingy and demanding. I also needed to find answers, it was all controlled by my anxiety.

But I just don't know whether explaining this might just seem like a cope out.

[Doolhof]

Hi PBelle,

Quirky has given you a good answer it, it may depend on who you are trying to explain yourself to and how much they comprehend or are willing to try to understand mental health issues.

Some people just don't get it, no matter how much you try to explain it to them.

It may certainly make you feel a whole lot better if you do explain, and may even clarify your actions to yourself.

Mental health issues are an illness, they are real, it can cause us to behave inappropriately at times, so maybe an explanation would be beneficial to the other person.

Easier said than done at times I know!

Cheers from Dools

[PBelle]

Thanks for the helps!

[Doolhof]

You are more than welcome.

I know there have been times when I would have been a lot better off if I had managed to count to 10 or bitten my tongue!

[PBelle]

I know that I have a long road ahead of me. I just don't want to screw up anymore than I already have. I tend overthink things. Part of the anxiety, I have to learn to control.

[Guest_1584]

Yeah , great question.

l've had situations since way back to teens but l've never explained it except to my partner .

Especially in family situation. Got a huge family scattered far an wide that l only see most of every 3 or 4 yrs , thank god. But l've had major screwups and blow outs around them but even at these ages 40s and 50s , they don't have a clue. l've never told them it's just anxiety. l can be the coolest guy you meet but in some situations it gets on top of me.

Yaknow , if you've only got a smallish family and your around them a fair bit, maybe you could explain it to them and then word will get around from there into people you know and stuff too maybe,

Maybe then they understand and don't take it to heart.

[Guest_1584]

Although sometimes with family it is legit because l see through them and maybe watched whatever it was for years and years and had enough of it. They just don't know that or themselves.

[Croix]

Dear PBelle~

I hope you don't mind If I talk to you for a moment here, I saw your post over in the Chillout Lounge about sending an email and it struck a chord with me. Then I saw your question in this thread.

I guess one of the big problems for many with a mental illness is the question of judgment. Most people judge by everyday standards and quite frankly they simply do not apply. As an example when I had a teenage offspring if they laid around in bed all day and did not go and study I'd be cross, they were being plain lazy.

However someone with depression might do exactly the same thing - stay in bed, it would be a completely different matter, for them getting up and facing the day might be pretty well impossible.

I suppose the job of that email is to make your loved one switch tracks and judge in an appropriate manner. You do have some resources, The Facts Menu above has a fair bit on symptoms and treatments and how to hold conversions.

Writing things down can be a good way of giving a logical and effective account, however when you said email I remembered many times in my past when I used it for similar things. Email is good in one way, you can send it of without being face to face, so less pressure.

You pay for it though because from then on you are in limbo, waiting to get a response and not knowing even if they have read it - which can make things awkward if you then seen them in person. I really hated the waiting so I don't do it anymore.

Is there anyway you -or someone close - could hand-deliver the message on paper and wait while they read it, or some other system that stops you being on tenterhooks?

In any event I really hope it works out and your Christmas is very special

Croix