I don't know what to do now

[Molly06]

My anxiety is back and it is just not going away. I'm on meds , I'm doing a course, I'm writing in a diary every day sometimes a couple of times a day, I'm walking, I'm deep breathing, I'm putting lavender on my pillow and feet at night, I'm challenging my thoughts, I'm doing mindfulness meditation and still it's here , I feel like last night I had no sleep and all I wS trying to do was deep breathe through it.

My next appointment with psychologist isn't until 22nd July and I can't get in earlier.

i spoke to gp recently and asked if u should be changing meds and she thinks I am on the best one. I go back to work on Monday and I really need to get a handle on things before then, I am only on a temp contract and hope to have it renewed next year so I don't need to cause doubt in their minds .

i feel like I have no where to turn , I had been taking some tablets to try to sleep at night but deliberately didn't take any the last couple of nights as don't want to become reliant or addicted to them.

i am once again going to get in to talk to psychologist but pretty much know I can't, my gp doesn't work today.

Many advise please???

[White_Rose]

Dear Molly

Hello, I pleased to meet you. Thank you for trusting us with your story.

I want to make some comments about medication. I'm not a doctor, this is my experience. It may help you to talk again with whichever doctor is prescribing for you. How long have you been taking this medication? Sometimes an AD takes up to six weeks to kick in thoroughly. And sometimes we experience uncomfortable side effects.

Everyone's experience of AD is different. Lucky folk take one AD and it works and has no side effects. Others are not so fortunate. I have all sorts of problems with medication, not just antidepressants. Some meds have made me quite ill. OK not trying to scare you. I gather from my GP I have more problems than the average and in this instance I would rather be very average. What I have found is that the more modern meds are favoured because they target whatever is supposed to be targeted, more effectively. It doesn't always work. Finally I was prescribed an older drug which has a more general application and suits me fine. I am happier, the AD works far more effectively and there are no side effects. What else can you ask.

I am not suggesting this would be good for you. I cannot say that. What I am suggesting is, if you have been taking an AD for a while and feel it is not helping have a chat to your doctor. I understand about your AD being "the best one" and in general it may be. Whether it is best for you I don't know.

I suggest you review how long you have taken this AD, what side effects it has, if any, what effect it had had on your anxiety. Think very carefully about this as changing medication is often not simply a case of stopping one and starting another. It is worth exploring with your GP especially if you have a good relationship with her.

I am reluctant in many ways to say this as it could be interpreted as telling you to change meds or that I am being uncomplimentary to your GP. This is not the case, but asking a few questions and reviewing how the meds have been working is reasonable.

I will leave it at that. I hope you find this useful. Can you come back and talk to us again.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hi Molly06 and thankyou for posting:-)

I have read your post twice and have noticed that have been pro-active enough to reach out and care for your health and good on you!

If I can ask just a couple of questions...1) How long have you been on the AD's? If I may also ask you the tablets for sleep...were they prescribed by your GP?...If they were...take them...your GP wouldnt have prescribed them if they wouldnt work. Its like a toothache...or an infection....we have to take medicine to feel/sleep better.

Just so you know my background, I had severe anxiety for over 10 years and refused to take any meds to help me sleep because I thought they were 'addictive' I was wrong!

Even if they are slightly addictive, you will have more strength and rest to cope with going back to work. Its like having a plaster cast on a broken limb...you would need pain killers/meds to help you...this is no different.

My first mega anxiety attack was in 1983 when I was 23. The meds gave me my a platform on which I could heal.

It would be great if you could post back Molly 🙂 There are many super kind people on the forums that can help support you.

My kind thoughts to you

Paulx

[Molly06]

Hi Paul & Mary,

Thanks fir your replies, I have been in this ad for over a year, I changed from my last one which I had for years because I was cranky all the time, I had absolutely no sex drive and my husband says it was like all my personality had gone. This one has been good in that I was much like my old self, some of my libido returned but it my and little to no side affects.

I have started a new job this year which I'm on a temp contract for and am so worried I'm going to stuff things up with all this shit. Plus my 8 year old daughter has been having anxiety this year which had set me off a bit.

My go thought that if we sorted our daughter it might sort some of my anxiety but I've also been worried about my marriage as well.

i took the sleeping tablet last night as really needed it, it is one that says you shouldn't take for more than 2-4 weeks as it is addictive, I have actually seen my dad very addicted to this particular drug.'

ive been able to get in to see a different psychologist today ( she is seeing ny daughter) and hopefully this can help calm me before returning to work.

Im just scared of returning to how low I have been in the past. I'm already losing interest in things . Much harder this time round too as I have two kids I have to try tone happy for.

[Starwolf]

Hi Molly and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

You have had a lot on your plate recently. A new job, concern for your daughter, your marriage and medication issues...no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. This combination has brought more stress into your life and contributed to bringing on another wave of depression.

We are all different so respond differently to medication. It unfortunately can take several attempts to find the one that is most beneficial to you. Please keep returning to your GP as long as you are not satisfied. Only you know exactly how med is affecting you so your doctor must be kept informed along the way.

It makes sense that big problems affecting different areas of life must be broken into small pieces and dealt with step by step. You are the priority right now because of responsibility for your children and the heavy load on your shoulders. Long therapist waiting lists are frustrating so you did the right thing by venting your feelings in these forums while you wait. It helps clarify your thoughts and emotions to yourself and allows you to connect with others who are/have been in similar situations. Writing -as in a diary for example- is always helpful.

Please take good care of yourself and take 1 day at a time. The 22nd will arrive before you know it. Meanwhile, distracting yourself as much as possible will be helpful. Any activity that can focus a restless mind will do. So is holding on to the thought that the scenarios we concoct in our head to scare ourselves with seldom make it into reality. Depression happens in waves, some stronger than the others. They're not the ocean, they do pass.

[Molly06]

I saw my pshychologist this afternoon and pretty much just cried, I'm so over this roller coaster of emotions I've been on this year. One minute I'm ok the next I'm anxious and depressed. I'm just over me and not being happy.

I haven't felt this way since my daughter died 8 years ago .

My phychologist was glad she saw me like this though because she is finally seeing how I'm going and now believes like me that something else needs to be done, either change in meds or see an endocrinologist for hormones. I've been saying to my gp for a while now that I feel something needs to change so it's good to have confirmation from someone else.

Just hoping that tomorrow I'll feel better and each day will get better.

[blondguy]

Hi Molly

Thanks for posting back and good on you for having a good cry (vent) with your psychologist! Thats why they have a box of tissues on the table. You are and have been through a lot.

I cried my eyes out with my psychologist at a similar stage as you. I felt like crap after doing so.....You have actually vented properly and well done to you.

Re the meds. I have been on the same AD for 20 years this year. In the first 12 months it helped a lot with the acute anxiety but my sleep was still bad news...waking up at silly hours for no reason...night sweats...ugh..

I have always been anti meds but when my anxiety kept increasing I had no choice except to try a tiny dose of a benzo at night. If we actually need the medication they may not necessarily be addictive...Sometimes the 'fear' of taking medication can actually exacerbate our level of anxiety causing a snowball effect we dont need.

I have always been physically fit and anti-meds Molly, but taking a teenie half dosage before sleep has helped me stay at work and have a decent quality sleep which therefore lessens the severity of any anxiety levels the next day

I didnt wake up feeling drowsy...just rested and recharged...I have no concern in how addictive the anti-anxiety meds are anymore. My health outweighs the negative aspects of the meds. I have many friends that have just stopped taking them with little or no side effects.....(that have used them for acute anxiety)

The benzo's (for me) are only 'invisible crutches' that I require to have a healthy and productive life.

I hope you can find some peace Molly, Have a good weekend too!

You are not on your own here Molly

My kind thoughts, Paul x

[Starwolf]

Hi Molly,

It is good to know that you were bravely able to let things off your chest. Emotional overload needs an outlet. Sessions with a therapist always stir up a lot of mud, so it is normal to feel unsettled afterwards. I know it often doesn't feel like it...but it is beneficial.

As for medication, Paul has it nailed. It is all about weighing the pros and cons...

I hope this will be the start of a new chapter. It has now become obvious that you would benefit from a change and that treatment needs to be adjusted. Good on you for taking care of yourself.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of the weekend.

[Molly06]

Thanks for the replies.

ive been on meds for a long time now but things just aren't working anymore. I'm feeling just so flat I really just do t know what to do. I think if anyone saw me they wouldn't realise anything was wrong except that I'm lacking a bit of energy which would be due a bit because of my operation.

im trying to keep busy and taking walks etc but can't do too much because I'm so easily puffed.

As I said I know something needs to change it just seems such a long wait until I see my gp on Wednesday and then a long wait for things to actually happen as I know if I change meds they can take some time to kick in.

im just counting on feeling better in a few days time and hoping that as my physical health returns so will some of my mental health.

thanks again

[blondguy]

Hey Molly, Paul here again 🙂

People heal in their own way. My mental health worker insisted that I had a weekly visit...ugh! I did for six months. The visits were free which was great but he poked and prodded my brain and had me crying like a baby (releasing all the built up crap) I didnt feel good immediately after but it worked after a couple of visits...a huge decrease in my anxiety..yay!

The meds are great to have Molly but arent a total fix as you know. They provide us with a platform which we can utilize the various coping techniques to rebuild on.

Super regular counseling can be just as powerful as the meds Molly. Combined they work wonders 🙂

Anxiety can take a long time to dissipate...but I do know that the symptoms do decrease in severity over time

My Best, Paul x