how can i stop the stress cycle?

[alwayswinning]

I tend to obsess over things I cannot do anything about in the present moment. Even though I tell myself stressing wont help I just cant seem to stop it. I worry and worry and worry almost like self punishment. People suggest that I do things like read a book etc. but I feel so fixated that I don't have the energy because all I can think about is how I cant do anything about it right how so I continue to stress and stress and stress.

[Hope_for_the_best]

From your username, it sounds like you are a competitive person like me. Unfortunately, you can't always win and you have to lose at some stages. Appreciate things that you did well and work on the things that you can improve. As long as you are progressively doing better, you win over yourself. It is very tempting to compare with others, but this is a great source of stress. It is okay to learn from others, but try not to see them as opponents (even if they are) and you have to win over them.

When I was in high school, I always worried about what marks I would get after tests and exams, even though I knew very well that I had no control over after I handed in the papers. I would crazily looked over my notes afterwards to recall any possible mistakes I made and then felt very bad until I received my results. I somehow grew out of it. Perhaps because I don't need to do exams anymore, and my current life is just too busy to worry too much. I know it may not be of much help, distraction is the key to deal with things that you can't control. Apart from the things that worry you, are there anything that can totally draw your attention? To me, shopping or talking to a friend can somewhat take my mind off the things that worry me.

[Croix]

Dear Alwayswinning~

I would like to welcome you here and thank you for giving advice to Gemair. I guess you have captured the spirit of this place already, we try to help each other, even if in difficult situations ourselves.

Ok, so reading a book, which incidentally is good advice in its place, does not work. I'm not surprised.

Your account of all those feelings reminds me very much of myself when anxiety has taken over, so I think the first thing to ask is if you have been diagnosed with anxiety or depression and if you are currently under treatment?

If you are then it's probably a good first step to ask your doctor to review your regime, as your current meds plus any therapy is not doing it's job.

If you are not then I'd strongly suggest you book a long consultation with your GP and say what has been happening to you - you are in a bad place. If you think you might not explain properly then write everything down at your leisure and share the paper. I've done this, just point form is fine, and it seems to work well, much better than me stumbling, forgetting things or being afraid to say something. See if medication and maybe therapy with a psychologist is appropriate.

Now for the book.

An anxiety condition needs to be managed, which is partly medical help, partly the support of loved ones, friends or other people you can talk to that care.

Most importantly it is trying to live a life that reduces your everyday background stress and deals with particular attacks as they occur. Exercise and a reasonably health lifestyle. Eating properly, getting enough sleep and not going down the path of harmful levels of alcohol is the way to aim for.

Avoid things you know that can stress you, for example I don't listen to the news and avoid some people. I try not to take on more than I can comfortably do.

It is very important to have a balance, and here one should regularly do things that are both enjoyable and take you away - distract you. For me that is books, for you , well you know you best.

Have a look at:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/self-help-tips-for-managing-anxiety

where you will - if you read it all -gain an awful lot. I did. I'd also mention the free smartphone app called Smiling Mind for when anxiety takes over. I had to practice but it was worth it.

I do hope some of this helps, please come back and say how you feel

Croix