Please some feedback

[Asenna]

A month ago I decided to leave work. Family business. Feel like i do things to show my ex wife that I can be the person she loves. The week after I had finished Monday morning rolled around and I fell to pieces. 17 years of my life was now in the past. Anxious but not bad. Overwhelmed with life, hell yes. Got diagnosed with adult adhd that week and I thought aha! It makes sense. Got put on to some stimulants and in the beginning it relaxed me. The tightness in the chest had gone. I felt good. Two weeks after I came down again but I felt nervousness. Not palpitations or panic attack but just nervous. Walks helped. I felt lonely and isolated. Speak to friends who allow me to sothe my mind but the fear of never returning to a sense of strength and some normalcy frightens me. Why do I feel like I've got nobody? Why do I fear life on my own when my parents eventually die? Why do I feel lately anxious when my children leave to go back to their mothers place. I feel alone in this world when my anxiety comes through. Why do I fall apart so easily? Why can I not regulate my reactions and emotions? I just cannot at all! Please anybody help. Does it resonate with anyone?

[Croix]

Dear Asenna~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. If you have a look around you will see there are many who are going, or have gone though similar things to you. The good thing is that we use our experience to help people that are going down the same path.

You sound as if you have a fair bit on your plate at the moment. Leaving a long-standing work commitment for a new chapter in your life, being recently diagnosed and starting on medications. Dealing with your children and watching them go between you and your ex, and of course having all those symptoms and worries.

First off your feelings of isolation, worry for the future, being alone and just plain nervous about everything sound very familiar. They remind me of myself when my anxiety is not properly under control.

It's excellent you have started to seek medical help and have been diagnosed, which would be what - 2 weeks ago? This means the medications are just starting to take effect. As everyone is different the time taken to reach proper efficiency and for initial side-effects to reduce varies. I would suggest you should tell your doctor how you are feeling now and see if this is to be expected, and how long you should live with it before matters are reviewed.

It's also pretty good you have friends to talk to. I found having someone that cares and listens is a great thing. You did talk of your parents, are they OK and do you get on with them well?

There are two other bright spots, you have started on your own to cope wit these feelings by going for a walk. Coping strategies are most important. I have two levels of coping. The first is a general one to reduce background stress - this in turn reduces worry and anxiety and individual anxiety 'attacks'. The measures I take are nothing special just a healthy lifestyle and having things to do that I enjoy and take me away from everyday life.

When really bad I try moving away and doing exercise (I walk), if it is a panic attack I use breath control and keep thinking I've been there before, and I also use an app called Smiling Mind, which is effective though it takes practice.

Adopting these techniques can help a lot. I would also suggest having a look around this Forum to see how others in your situation have coped.

Please post again and say how you are going, you will be met with understanding and care.

Croix

[Asenna]

Hi there Croix. Thank you for your response. It was very much appreciated. You see to engage into a new career of any sought you need to feel a sense of normalcy. The confidence that a steady mind will give. Yet I'm up and down like a yo yo and with my cognitive anxiety playing havoc on my thoughts its demoralising. I've decided to reduce my medication intake by half. It just doesn't agree with me. On a lower dose it's good but anymore it just does not agree with me. It's quite funny. When I'm going through my depression and anxiety I become the most self absorbed son of a b**** . The one thing is I feel grief so intensely that it is so overwhelming and debilitating at times. 2014 was a wipe off for me. I thought I had my trauma from being incorrectly diagnosed with liver cancer sorted for it to hit me like a brick to the face in 2014. My anxiety levels went through the roof. It was frightening and the sadness. The problem was that I was trying to find out why. Why was I feeling like this! Constantly looking for reassurance anywhere making friends angry because any advice they gave me fell on deaf ears. The constant ruminating, the obsession of always questioning how I was feeling. It consumed me whole. With things only slightly improving at the start of 2015 my wife left and that was it. I stopped thinking about it and instead tried to get my wife back. I'm sure it was always there but it was more in the background. All this whilst on antidepressants since 1997. My doctor said that my antidepressants won't help. Try to put me on to a anti psychotic and I didn't want anything to do with it. It's my out of control reaction to life changes that effect my mind that o just cannot control. I feel sometimes that I'm untreatable. It's that demoralising.

what was your experiences if I may ask

[Guest_128]

Hi there,

I've got nothing professional to give. I do have a soul that understands,I'm sorry I will say it how I see it.

Biggest problem with you is I think you need a second option,cause you shouldn't feel like you do. Maybe I know it's a pain in the butt, but you seriously need to get those meds in order.

I was diagnosed 6yrs ago with ADHD age 39 I also have Bipolar and whatever else.

These meds have kept me from going very low.

What I am trying to say, you are not going to improve unless your meds are right.

Dory

[Croix]

Dear Asenna

I'm very pleased to hear from you again. you have indeed had a tough time. Being without a partner despite your beast efforts would just have made it worse and most discouraging. I think Dory is probably right, you do need to get your meds working properly, however there are a couple of things.

Any meds take a while to stabilize, and if they are not what you expected you really do need to see your doctor and discuss the delays and side effects. I have to say deciding for yourselves to alter the dosage, unless told in advance by your doctor, may not be that good an idea as withdrawal can have unexpected effects.

The other thing is you said you were not happy taking a particular sort of medication even though your doctor thought it would be the best thing. I'm sure there would have been a reason for that recommendation and I"m a little unsure as to why you were not willing to give them a try.

Feeling that you are untreatable is really a bit hasty until you have explored all avenues. Most people get a balance in there treatment and go on with a lot of improvement, I'm one

Now you asked about my experiences. I've PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression. There have been ups and downs including hospitalization, but now I'm good. I'm somewhat limited in what I can say about my meds as mention of specific drugs is not permitted here in the Forum (see the Community Rules button above).

What I can say is I've been given a variety of different drugs over a long time, with some more effective than others, and some with side effects that made them be withdrawn. Eventually a regime was settled on, and then it is occasionally tweaked to respond to changes in myself and my life. I'm good now. I have therapy in conjunction with the meds.

You are right about a mental attitude for a new job. I did not do it that way but after being retired I studied. This allowed matters to settle down and got me used to new things. Eventually that led to a new part time occupation.

As with Dory and myself, most people are treatable and improve greatly

Croix

[Asenna]

Hey world of depression and anxiety would like to ask something.

When I had major depression 20yrs ago I was only 24. Quite severe for me but never thought of anything harmful once but it was scary. Mind going 100km/h and only feeling better by 5 or 6pm where i felt more relaxed and engaged. Only to wake up at 2am or so and for it to punch me back in the head again. I feel my medication did a reasonable job. I just never felt as though I was ever myself. I put on weight, I didnt feel connected to my friends like I used to. The intimate connection I had with my partner was gone and I became more than happy to be spend time at home when before I was "always" out. I weighed 63kg for most of my life and then blew out close to 80kg. Two years later my partner of 9yrs left and I went into a deep depression (grief) that lasted 8 months all the while still on my medication. I'd have periods of feeling good for weeks on end for it to only go back into a broken heart and at times debilitating for over a week for then to go back into a good period. When I say good I mean the intensity of the sadness would back off till after 8 months I felt better. The reason why I've mentioned this is because when I suffer something of a break up of something long term or something rocks my world I crash and burn and it becomes debilitating with ups and downs. I've just don't understand it. Throw in anxiety and emptiness and life sucks. Any thoughts?