Horrible week

[Whatsinaname]

Hi everyone,

I'm having a horrible week, so just thought I would post to see how everyone else is going?

I'm having a hard time getting out of the shame spiral this week, but trying to remember this is only temporary.

Anyway, hope others are well, happy to chat about anything.

[Whatsinaname]

Hi Kitty,

Yeah I find the distraction goes a long way to help me eat.

Thanks for the the reply!

[Whatsinaname]

I've been doing a lot of listening to meditations and info about anxiety, whilst at work and really digging into meditation (trying to do it twice a day but finding time in the morning is hard, night is easy when the kids are asleep). 

I am finding I am my most peaceful when I meditate. Which is good and bad because I have to be awake to work...

Anyway, I feel I'm back in the "yo-yo" stage. Waking up "wired" and then quickly moving to anxiety, then its up and down for the rest of the day until bed time.

My little girl is reading me books now, well trying too she is too young to read so just makes it up from the pictures. Which is my favorite part of the day at the moment. I hope these memories never leave me (I have terrible memory unless its something I want to forget).

Anyway, that's my ramble for the day. Till next time.

[Whatsinaname]

I realise I'm more or less talking to the void at this point, but I know I will come back to this when I end up in the pit again so I wanted to remind myself, and anyone else that may read it about something I found valuable.

Day 2 or 3 for Andrea Wachter's Your Anxiety Relief Toolkit on Insight Timer had me envision my anxiety. Which was actually myself in the fetal position terrified. Then talk to it. Let it explain what was causing the anxiety and remind it that all I want to do it help. 

It was very weird sense that actually brought tears to my eyes. 

Not anxiety free today because of it but it did seem to give me some breathing room to hold conversations with my anxiety further.

[Whatsinaname]

Today I tried listening to the DARE response, not sure I am quite ready for it as it is basically lean into your anxiety and just realise it won't hurt you.

Intellectually I already know that, emotionally I'm just not ready to lean into it.

Another up and down day, but going away for the night tomorrow so I am sure that is increasing my anxiety too.

[Whatsinaname]

I survived the weekend. Went to a show with about 30 or 40,000 other people. Anxiety was high the whole time, but I made it through and the kids loved it.

I'm starting to get frustrated with waking up anxious each day, as I seem to be doing well by bedtime but back to stage 1 every morning. 

I spend a lot of time listening to podcasts and reading about anxiety, not sure if that's helping or hindering if I'm honest.

Meditation has been a great outlet for me, but now that I'm getting so tired I keep falling asleep whilst meditating so that's frustrating too.

Not sure why I'm posting, maybe just to get it out of my head.

[Whatsinaname]

I come back here regularly planning to post, but then just leave.

I do find joy in the distraction of the few threads that are more or less about nothing, especially the 5 word game. Makes me think deeply about what to write so it is a welcome distraction for sure. Wasn't sure where else to post this, so here it is.

[Annas1]

Hi Whatsinaname,

I can see you are going through a rough patch and you are making good use of the thread here to get some distance from your anxiety. Kudos to you! This is a great idea and one that I'm exploring too. The last few days have been anxiety-dominated for me and I'm trying to be both kind and practical in response.

You seem to be doing a lot of 'sitting with' or 'being with' your anxiety - which sounds straightforward but I know it takes commitment and courage to stay in this space. Well, letting you know that I'm on the same ride today and reminding myself to let go of any value judgement I can hold about being anxious/wired/stressed/tired for no good reason and with no ready solution. It is simply what is.

Go well my friend, and let me know how you're going this week.

Annas1

[Whatsinaname]

Hi Annas1.

Thanks for reaching out, it is good to know others are going through the same thing, although I don't want you to think I am glad you have to deal with this too as that is not the case!

I had my first panic attack probably about 15 years ago and that about when anxiety started to really take control of my life, so yeah I am trying to become more comfortable with that fact that it is a part of me now for better or worse.

I'm not happy about it so each day really is an uphill battle. It's actually quite weird at the moment as it is like clock work, the build up of the morning peaks my anxiety which then sits with me until just after dinner then seems to fade away.

Plus side is I can usually get a decent sleep, down side is I'm on edge all day with a knot in my stomach.

I hope you are having a better day today!

[Annas1]

It's such a conundrum learning to develop a useful attitude toward the experience of anxiety. After many, many years of thinking I could deny, override, eliminate or hide anxious feelings or reactions, I am beginning to embrace the idea of acceptance and gentleness instead.

I am feeling much more at ease today thanks - a relief but not a false sense of security. I'm experimenting with adopting an attitude of loving kindness towards myself each day for the next week. Whatever's going on, however I'm feeling, where-ever I am. When anxiety or judgement appear (and they already have!) I'm reminding myself - "more loving", or "be gentle". A new habit to develop a preferred attitude toward my anxiety.

I also think we're pretty heroic - we continue to get back up and back out in the world despite tumbles, falls and scrapes we find ourselves in. Bravo to us!

[Whatsinaname]

Sounds like we are on a very similar journey, as I know that's what I need to do and in some sense I think I might be being kinder to myself, but it's really hard to live with the knot in the stomach and weight on the chest.

Apparently the key is to learn to just live with that and realise it will pass. Intellectually I know that, but monkey brain doesn't seem to agree 🙄 

I am really happy to hear you are feeling at ease today, nothing better than that bit of relief is there.

Something I think most people don't realise is that anxious people really are heroic as they push through, or at least try to, a lot of stuff that would be easy to just give up on.