Help, honest advice needed.

[ConZo]

I'm struggling with health anxiety and it has really started to consume my thoughts for 90% of the day. I was affraid of doctors until I recently forced myself to get a regular GP after having what turned out to be panic attacks, he has confirmed anxiety but puts me through every test he can saying that it's for my own good as I respond to reassurance.

The doctor suggested I take something and after three different scripts because I read side effects and freaked out we settled on medication and I started therapy on a mental health plan, he advised the two will compliment each other for a better result.

The problem is I'm two and a half weeks into my medication and I am still consumed by health worries to the point I sit on Google constantly when I know I shouldn't worse still the pills side effects diahrea (which I already had) and sleep interruption are making it worse. I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day regardless of exercise and bed time, I have also stopped all alcohol and coffee in the last three weeks.

I keep getting told to hold on as they take 4 to 6 weeks to start working but whether it's about the meds or some other ailment this health anxiety crap really has me fully consumed. I have two young boys with my partner, 4 and 2. I feel like I can't even look after them at the moment.

My partner is also going through a tough time at work and with looking after the boys practically on her own so she is worn out and simply has had enough of trying to reassurre and I don't want to wear her down to.

My question is where to from here? I'm scared of these tablets, scared of many different health ailments and I cannot stop obsessing. My therapy visits are always tep weeks apart and I cannot afford to pay to gp more frequently but I am just so scared of worrying so much, the anxiety and where this all goes. The therapist said my anxiety and health anxiety got to the point where I practically had a break down.

How do I man up and stop looking for reassurance? I've tried books, talking to people, motivational material and it all only ever works for a day.

I'm scared it's turning into depression now as I am getting more and mor down about the constant worry and taking pills etc.

Thank you.

[white knight]

Hi Conzo, welcome

Yes it can be challenging. I tried 12 tablets over 7 years before one was spot on.

Manning up?. Mmmm, mental illness has nothing to do with courage. But amyway the site has lots of threads to read. Hete are a few I've written to help you along. Use google

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Good luck.

Tony WK

[swtpotato]

Hi Conzo,

I think looking for reassurance is a very healthy reaction to what you have been going through. I can definitely relate to the consuming health anxiety, it is easy to convince yourself that you'll stop and feel better if you just find more information on one more thing... but the cycle continues and you find new worries to think about.

I hope you can hold on and accept what you are feeling. Please keep going with those self-care practices. I found what helped me was doing mindfulness exercises from a therapy book. This included learning to see my thoughts pass through my mind, categorising thoughts according to 'usefulness' (as in dismiss it if it relates to negatively evaluating myself, comparing myself to others, is an over generalisation etc) so the thoughts are easier to spot. I also learnt to focus and switch my awareness to the present at will. It is a tough skill and must be practiced regularly, the main thing is to keep doing it even if it isn't working. I need to get back into it myself, but obviously like anyone find it difficult to find the motivation even though I know the benefits of it.

Stick with the tablets even though it is difficult, I know what it's like, I just went through terrible side effects a week ago but now things have evened out a bit. Taking it day by day will help.

Good luck!

Em

[swtpotato]

Hi ConZo, how have you been going?

[kanga_brumby]

ConZo Welcome to beyond blue you have only relay just started your medications they will take time to start working. Even then you may have to go up or down with the doses depending on the strength and so on It Will get better for you just be take you time with it

Kanga

[ConZo]

Thank you for the advice.

Things are a little different now after working with my psychologist more. My doctor suspects IBS alongside my anxiety as the cause for my stomach issues but I'm still constantly afraid of bowel cancer as he is sending me for a colonoscopy which he says is just "routine".

My stool test and blood tests came back fine though. I honestly relate very heavily towards OCD, I have many compulsions and constantly obsess over my health or any life issues causing my anxiety.

I am four weeks in to my medication now and I honestly cannot say for sure whether it is helping.

Recognizing my negative thoughts, accepting them for what they are and not giving them my focus helps at times and I realize after so many years of being this way it will take time to retain my mind but it feels like such a struggle, like the OCD is stronger than what I am.

I have my worst issues in the morning, every morning I wake up anxious and feel well versus my anxious mind, I'm on my own most mornings and I find myself just sitting on the shower floor most days trying to get myself together for work.

As the day goes on I get better, sometimes by late afternoon I almost feel empowered and enlightened provided I have spent every spare moment of my day watching the right "beat anxiety" videos on YouTube or reading the right web articles which I can't stop doing.

My boss and family have had enough of this, I still feel mostly defeated.

[ConZo]

I meant I wake up and feel weak* versus my anxiety.

[swtpotato]

Hi ConZo,

Thanks for the update. It's good to hear you're on your way to managing it with your psychologist. I went through a very similar thing last year. There is a strong link between the gut and the mind, and what happens in one affects the other. Has your doctor mentioned the low-fodmap diet or referred you to a nutritionist? I had severe IBS, severe anxiety and depression and figuring out what my intolerances and sensitivities were helped me to gain back a bit of control to start recovering. It also meant instead of obsessing over anxiety/health issues I obsessed over nutrition and self-care haha. I think it was a slightly healthier obsession. My gut freaks out whenever I get stressed but I now know to go back to low-fodmap, and since I started AD's I've had hardly any symptoms.

I have had a colonoscopy, and my doctor also freaked me out about bowel cancer too due to a family history. It came back normal. It is just routine and having it may settle some of your fears.

I am also 4 weeks into meds, I think it is helping a little but it is hard to tell. Apparently it can sometimes take up to 10-12 weeks. Give it time.

It sounds like a huge struggle - especially putting fears of AD side effects on top of your health anxiety, and that you are still working. How is that going?

I want you to know that I have had a similar struggle, and that it is okay to have these compulsions and to feel like you are controlled by them. I also know that googling into the night, watching youtube etc feeds it even more. Perhaps if you can't stop doing that you could give yourself a time limit and set an alarm? And then force yourself to change activity to something you like. You could also try directing this drive into something more productive e.g. a therapy workbook - for e.g. the dialectical behaviour therapy workbook, or posting on the forums here.

Feel free to post anything or ask me anything.

Em

[ConZo]

Thanks. Well yesterday the anxiety in the mornings and depression I felt lead me to having a crying breakdown at work, I called my psychologist who immediately cleared his calendar and insisted I come and see him as well as a doctor from his practice. After a pretty long discussion we deciphered that the depression was never an issue for me pre meds and we couldn't spot any positive changes the meds had given me so both the psychologist and doctor advised me to stop taking them.

As I was only on them for a little over three and a half weeks I was told just to potentially expect two or three harder days but as I've already had a negative reaction to them I may not even have that.

Both my psychologist and the new doctor think I respond well to therapy alone so hoepfully there won't be a need to revisit meds.

Time to work on my mindfullness and grow myself internally, I'm actually looking forward to it, like a project!

[swtpotato]

Hi ConZo,

Thanks for the update.

That's great news - must feel good to make a decision that you know will be good for you, especially being backed up by the experts. I hope it goes well.

It sounds like you are getting a lot out of therapy, so you must have a good connection with your psychologist.

Yes I like to think of it as a project too. Self-improvement and getting to know yourself can be very satisfying and become like a hobby.

This forum is always an option for support, so post whenever you need.

Good luck,

- m