Having conversations

[kned]

I've worked out over the years that im generally a quiet person and very internal with my thoughts and feelings. I dont know whether it's my nature or social anxiety (which I do have).

I really struggle at times when I don't know what to say. I feel like people find me awkward and avoid having to talk to me. When I get to know someone well, I open up a lot more.

Even in my job, I've become known as the quiet one. I'll happily be apart of the conversations, giggle and laugh and use non verbal communication to agree/disagree but I barely speak unless I really have to. My colleagues make comments about it and I feel humiliated at times. Sometimes I have things I want to say but get too anxious to speak up. Other times I don't have anything to say and im happy to just listen and be involved without saying a word.

Is this something to accept as being who I am? Or is there a way to get past this? I've worked with a therapist before who gave suggestions on small talk but I sometimes think it's not that, it's just that im quiet in general and literally have nothing to say, preferring to remain out of the focus/attention.

[Guest_0087]

Hi kned

I can totally relate to this as it sounds exactly like me. Sometimes I just never know what to say. I am always labelled the quiet one and can sometimes struggle to hold a conversation especially if I have no interest in it.

I too sometimes find that there are times when I am just happy to listen and be involved. Often people do judge however, and that is something that is very hard to change. Fear not, you are not alone in how you feel though. I have tried many things too, but often find that it is just who I am.

It also takes me a while to open up and if I feel comfortable with someone, then I will. It could be a coping mechanism or a way we deal with things. Perhaps we have been hurt before and have a fear or letting that happen again, so we tend to hold back a bit so as not to punish ourselves.

How do you go on a social level? Hang out often with friends or family?

[swtpotato]

Hi kned,

I can relate a lot to what you are struggling with atm. Perhaps you have fallen into a bad habit of not trying to voice your thoughts due to how it has been received in the past, or feeling like sometimes there is no point due to being quiet and unheard (this is how I have felt).

I feel like yes it would be both, your nature and social anxiety. I doubt if you improved your social anxiety you would suddenly become an extrovert, but I do see how it may inhibit how you express yourself.

Do you feel overwhelmed with large groups of people and are not able to keep track of the conversation? Do you feel overwhelmed by light, sounds, activity?

It sounds like you process more things for longer and deeper than others. This is not a good or bad thing I don't think.

Do you have any other symptoms of depression/anxiety? Have you worked through other issues with your therapist?

I found that for me, there were a lot of more complicated deeper things driving my social anxiety. I am still quiet, but more okay with it, and find I can enjoy meeting new people every now and then. I still don't talk much at work though, I'm there to work! And I don't find it very interesting or useful to chat, though I wish that wasn't rude.

Let me know if I have things wrong.

- M

[kned]

Thanks for your reply. Its reassuring to know I am not alone!

I have a few close friends who I see regularly, but I'm not big on lots of socialising! I think I am a lot like you said - I open up a lot more when I have got to know someone better. I also seem better with one-on-one interaction than groups.

[kned]

Thank you. You are spot on!

Thinking about it, I do feel overwhelmed with lots of people and I do struggle to keep up with the conversation. I find I have trouble hearing properly even though I dont have any hearing problems, if that makes sense? Noise is overwhelming and I often feel so exhausted after I've been somewhere noisy/busy. When I do see friends in a big group, I'm usually quiet and listen but I do enjoy listening and being involved. Same goes for work training/meetings. But afterwards I often need some time to myself to recover.

[swtpotato]

Hi kned,

That's interesting, I'd say a lot of it would just be overstimulation rather than anxiety (which can then lead to or be interpreted as anxiety).

I recently found out more about highly sensitive people, which is different to introversion. It helped explain a lot of things for me, give it a google. Labelling feelings of physical anxiety or being overwhelmed or 'out of it' as a normal reaction to too much stimulation, that I am generally more sensitive to than most, helped me to accept it, manage it better (rest more) and start experimenting with trying new things in social situations.

This is not to downplay the effects of your social anxiety or anything, just to give perhaps a different perspective on a possible trigger so that you can approach it differently, if it is relevant to you.

- M

[Guest_0087]

Yes, you are definitely not alone. I am glad I can help you relate and hopefully I can help you along in any way.

It is good that you have a friend circle. This is where we differ a bit as I do not have that circle, so often am confined to myself, despite the fact that I do enjoy company of others, even if it is just one or two people. One on one interaction is often easier because you do not have to deal with so many different personalities. You only have to focus on one person and it makes it a bit easier.

How do you find yourself with your work colleagues? Do you get one much with them?