Hello I'm new to Beyond Blue. Anxiety and OCD about diseases.

[hyrola]

Hello, 

Not sure how to go about this. Anyways my story is that I have anxieties about diseases especially HIV. I completely practice safe sex all the time. I'm just worried and terrified about it for some reason. 

To be honest i don't know if it's more about anxiety or OCD. I seem to be obsessed all the time, I research the net all the time, i go on medhelp.com and read all the posts on there. I have been worried for a couple of years now.  I don't like to look at my body just in case I find something on there. I have seen professional help and that helped for a while but now not doing so well i suppose. 

With all my worries i still have sex. (not a great way to fix the problem) I had a one night stand a couple of weeks ago and now i'm going crazy. I don't know if its anxiety but I keep getting symptoms and people keep tell me to move your safe, nothing to worry about. I'm just wondering any similar people out there, going through the same as I am. What have done to overcome this? 

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear hyrola,

Sometimes we do the opposite of what we mean to.  Your obsession with sex and condoms and AIDS,etc,  against your passion for a one night stand.  It's a classic.

I had herpes once and was very embarassed at the Doctor's.  When I did a urine test the nurse claimed I was doing it at the wrong time.  Talk about stress !  Another time I got checked for Non Specific Urethritis and was fine with all the poking, pinching and even the syringe that collected a sample from my penis (Yikes !).  But then when I left the surgery I came face to face with my crusty old next door neighbour - she was the main doctor !   Oooops !

Maybe you have to be checked by a professional and have a "what could be worse than this ?" attitude.   You know - having your mum walk in by mistake because she was visiting someone in the main wards and got lost trying to find the cafe.    "Oh, hyrola, fancy seeing you here - do you need a lift home ?  Ah.   What, if I may ask, are you doing in the Sexual Health Clinic ?".  Embarrasing.  But at least you would know if you were healthy.

Adios, David.

[geoff]

dear Hyrola, having this type of feeling is a dominating and controlling pressure on you, can I ask you a couple of questions.

Does this control you about showering, having mirrors covered up, or no mirrors, and when you have sex ( sorry ) do you do it with your clothes on, that is having a jumper on or a t-shirt.

The other question is how do you satisfy this fear of having an illness, I realise that this would only be temporary, but I'm curious. Geoff.

[hyrola]

Thank you for your reply.

I have tried different strategies to help me stay calm. Like breathing techniques,  consistently reminding myself of the facts and keep repeating to myself that I used condom. I have tried that attitude one you suggested but it caused me to feel uncertain. 

[hyrola]

Thank you for your reply.

Oh yes, showers are the worst because I completely don't look, I keep my head up when I'm showering, same with changing clothes I do it super quick. I always think I'm going to find a rash or markings relating to the disease mentioned above. I don't cover mirrors but I do avoid them when I have my shirt off. Sex with clothes I have never done but when taking place I take the lights off. It's not an image problem at all just don't want to know if anything is there. 

Your 2nd question? Well to be honest there is no satisfaction, you just start thinking the worst possible outcome. It's become residual fear and the fear gets worse each time I have a sexual encounter.