Feeling weird and anxious and having scary thoughts

[Layla21032000]

I don’t know how to begin how I’m feeling, all I can say is I have been feeling super anxious and scared of everything around me, for example I recently went to a water park and I couldn’t stop having thoughts about different ways I would die, and they were not just little ‘oh no this could happen’ I kept being flooded with gruesome horrible ways to die! This was when I was on holiday, when I went back to my hotel I couldn’t sleep each night because every night I couldn’t stop thinking about demons and the devil and I kept thinking I saw little devils in the corners of my room but there obviously was nothing there, and then I would stay up all night being really scared of religion and god, I am not religious!! I have never even been to church or anything but for some reason ever since I was little I have always been scared of religious things and I had to tell my boyfriend I was crying because I just missed my dogs because I didn’t want to freak him out, the next day when we were getting home there was a piece of rubbish on the ground outside my hotel and the wind was about to make it roll inside and I got so anxious because I didn’t want it to come inside incase it was possessed or something, like what?? What is going on with me? And I have these crazy vivid dreams almost every night of the most strange and bizarre things that are so scary I don’t even know how my subconscious mind is even coming up with it? These thoughts are so intrusive that even when I’m driving I always have this bad anxiety that a truck is going to squash my car and if I’m driving near one I freak out, and then the other day I was hanging out with my dogs and all of a sudden I kept imaging them getting run over and it was making me so upset because I love my dogs why was I thinking about that? I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I feel like I keep going out of touch of with reality and I’m scared of everything and have horrible nightmares that I’m actually even scared to talk about anonymously! I’m constantly scared of everything and especially if I’m by myself! When I’m with people I feel okay but when I’m by myself I have to watch a funny movie or YouTube video to distract myself from having weird and scary thoughts! There’s so much more but I just want to see if anyone has ever experienced this before

[White_Rose]

Dear Layla

Hello and welcome to the forum. This is a good place to talk about anything that bothers you because you are anonymous. I hope that makes you feel a little more secure.

I am so sorry you are going through this horrible time. I can see you are very frightened and it is reasonable. Where these thoughts come from I have no idea. As you said we seem to drag them up from our subconscious but why they were there in the first place is a mystery. You have been very brave to come to the forum and talk about your fears and nightmares.

I would like to help you as much as possible. I think it is important that you see your GP as soon as possible. This is more than just a passing nightmare or a few sleepless nights. I am concerned this is affecting your well-being. Can you make an appointment with your doctor? I know this is also scary for you. Sometimes we need to push ourselves to get help, grit the teeth and ask for help. It seems this is the situation you are in at the moment.

Can you print out your post and take it to your doctor? I think this would make it much easier to start the conversation as your GP will then have some idea of what is happening. He/she can then talk about the whole thing. Make a long appointment. If you felt comfortable I would suggest you take your boyfriend but I suspect this would make it worse for you. Is there anyone else you feel close to, other than your dogs that is. It may help to tell a friend or a family member, someone you trust.

May I ask, do you take any medication? If so I wonder if this could be the source of your fear. However, seeing your doctor is a positive step forward. I do get how afraid you are and no doubt you are worrying about what would happen when you tell someone what is happening for you. Can you gather up all your courage and make the appointment very soon. The sooner someone can tell you what is happening and why the more quickly you can start to deal with it.

In the meantime I suggest you continue to post in here and talk about yourself. It will probably be helpful as a kind of practice before talking to your GP.

Please see your doctor.

Mary

[silverbeam]

Dear Layla21032000,

I am so sorry you are experiencing these scary thoughts and feelings. I honestly can relate to you so much. I have terrifying thoughts and feelings, that I am actually too ashamed to speak about on here. It's so awful; I understand how you feel. It's important to remember, as difficult as it is, to try and understand that our brains can generate these instances out on a whim. Perhaps due to a biochemical imbalance, maybe there is a trigger from a past trauma or emotional incident. I have sought psychological help for a number of years and have found it so helpful and eye-opening.

I strongly suggest you do to. Just know that you're not alone, there are so many out there just like us, who experience this fear on a daily basis. You're going to be ok. You can push through this and find some relief. I get it; but know that support is out there.

Feel free to message anytime. I hope you're feeling better today. Take care.

[Layla21032000]

Thankyou for responding to me, it’s extremely daunting thinking about going to the doctor because I’m scared he will tell me I have something wrong with me and then I will have to tell my boyfriend and his family, and I don’t know what they will think. I know they would support me but i hate being the person that everyone has to look after, I know that I have been through some trauma in my life that I can kind of pin point these things to but for some reason this anxiety and paranoia has come on really strong and out of no where, I know I should book an appointment I just need to work up the courage.

[Hailzey]

I relate to alot of the things u have said. I keep thinking about death - yet not as an immediate occurence (although i keep expecting it of my last 2 grandparents left that they will die soon). I dont know how to handle it. I am going to see someone again as I never really addressed the death fear. I am not religious, and hearing religious talks on radio make me cry and feel hopeless as I cannot believe them. Even if they are true I then fear eternity, loss of identity, changes of reality and nothingness, as well as judgements, injustice, heaven and hell - it all makes me feel very sad and I need funny youtube videos on every night to prevent the panic attack

[White_Rose]

Hello Layla

Thanks for your reply. I understand about worrying what your doctor will say or diagnose. I expect it will not be as dreadful as you fear but that does not help in advance. As I see it, either you do have something wrong in which case you can start work on getting well again, or there is not much wrong and you can start to breathe again. Our imagined fears are so often worse than the reality.

May I ask why you should tell your BF and his family? I can understand the BF if this is a close relationship, but I cannot see why his family need to know anything. At least at this stage. Can you explain it to me please? I feel I am the person that everyone thinks needs support because I am unwell. I agree it can be overwhelming and often there is not much anyone can do. Treating us as OK is far more useful and stops the 'sorry for ourselves' thinking. Please talk about this with your doctor.

Our life traumas can be responsible for many things but some of your reactions do not seem to be connected to these traumas and you wonder what on earth is going on. There may be a link which is buried quite deeply and needs someone with the relevant skills to help us past this point. I am still quite nervous about revealing some of my life because I don't want to appear a wimp and I wonder what the psych will think.

So I struggle along both wanting someone to help me past that point and also being to afraid to admit how much it affects me. I have been told quite often I am stubborn, which is probably true, and as all this stuff is causing nightmares and flashbacks I want it to go away. My stubbornness is making me work on the process. The only way this will happen is to talk about it so I let out a small amount at a time. Fortunately there is no pressure to do it all in one go.

Sometimes we need to take a deep breath and go. I hope writing here is helpful for you.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello Layla

Dropping by to see how you are going. Is there anything you would like to talk about? Please come and talk if you have found this helpful.

Mary