Attachment Anxiety i need advice

[MkMk]

Im in a crisis right now. I suffer from seperation anxiety. I dont mind being alone as such its more that i depend heavily on those that care for me. More specifically, my bf. I cant help but juat feel like he has had enough of my overbearingness and having to be my carer so has decided either to leave or to pay me to go overseas for three months untill he gets himself together.

its complicated. He is 6 years my junior, 22 and we have moved to melbourne and are in our own place. All of his family and friends have moved in and that in itsef was challenging I am trying to settle down and he is now free to go out and wants to just get out and about. I feel like there is nothing else more important for him thn his freedom. He loves me he says but im just too controlling. He is over trying to tend to me and my mental health and just was his alone time.

For me to leave id be leaving my job and everything in the hope that when i get back he will have sorted himself out. though if he goes he will have to go back to his country and id be left with all of his bills which are in my name and i cant afford that.

Im at a loss about what to do as he just keeps telling me to go and return to him but im not sure of leaving for 3 months is a solution. He says its nothing to do with me etc and i get he wants his own space. I am in a panic about the best way to move forward, living in aus without any support and my family have little to do with my life

He is moving back to the islands to take over his family business. His mother is a control freak too. This move has changed everything and he’s realised he needs to learn to live without being controlled and i dont know whether to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt or just move on as i risk losing my job and then dealing with all of that anxiety. How can i go away for three months with that crap hanging over me

He is so easily infuenced by his friends that i just feel like im unsure that a three month break is gonna work. Plus, he and his mates are for sure gonna be doing the whole strip club scene etc

He has changed so much and i cant cope with the type of changes.

my seperation anxiety is only a part of this issue as i have become so reliant on him for everything. Ive strangled him. He is trying to make me leave so he can have peace. My mother has a personality disorder and her traits have been passed on to me at times i just will not let issues go i have to fight until i get my way. I need help.

[Here_I_am]

Hi MkMk,

Firstly, I am sorry it has taken so long for someone to check in with you and acknowledge your reaching out. That would be a bit of an underwhelming experience for me if I posted and got no response for a few days, so again I am sorry this has occurred for you.

I can only imagine how heavy all this feels for you. There is so much happening for you right now in this space of relationship and the 'what if' realm of uncertainty. You really hit the nail on the head when you said you need help, and I want to suggest that their is so much to unpack here feelings wise and impressions/inferences/what does it all mean explorations that reaching out to a dedicated professional would be a really wise choice for you. Whether anyone is qualified or able to say to you 'Don't go overseas' or 'yes, it will be fine for you to go' is probably a bit of an unrealistic expectation of the process, but talking it through - warts and all - with a professional counselor/psychologist/GP/etc. will give you some unique and valuable insight into your position, so any decision you make can then be informed rather than made in the spare of the moment under pressure.

I hope some of this immense situation lessens for you, and that you can find some peace amid all the dynamics going on for you right now. Do you think you could reach out and start a conversation with a professional?

Talk soon.