Fear of failure

[Catie 08]

Hi,
I suffer with ptsd but I'm just starting to realise that I also have a fear of failure. Last week I couldn't work as I was looking at what was in front of me and felt completely overwhelmed. The anxiety kicked in, I couldn't concentrate and I could hardly breath. I feel that if I fail I will disappoint people and for me disappointment is the very worst thing. The feeling has been getting worse over that past few months and I'm scared that I won't be able to work and therefore wont have money to put food on the table.
I'm sure there has to be others out there dealing with this... I would love to hear about other people's experiences and methods of treating this.
Thanks, Catie08

[quirkywords]

Catie

Thanks for your thread.

I try to eliminate the word failure from my vocabulary.

I try to reframe my fears. You can say I am worried about my tasks at work. I am not sure

If you have support at work when a task seems overwhelming.

Thanks for sharing. I never learnt to drive as I was so worried .

[sunnyl20]

Hi Catie08,

I am really sorry to hear that you have been struggling the past few months. It sounds like what you're experiencing has been particularly distressing and overwhelming. From what you have described, your fear of failure sounds like it is very much connected to your fear of disappointing others. These fears sound like they are quite ingrained and difficult for you to overcome and detach yourself from. You are definitely not alone in fearing failure and the disappointment of others, many people (myself included) struggle (or have struggled) with these fears.

If you aren't already, I think it would be really worth considering seeing a mental health professional. They can help you try to understand these fears and help you work through them.

Writing can also be quite helpful as you are partly externalising your thoughts and fears - it forces you to organise your thoughts somewhat and get them out of your system. It can also be useful to see them and challenge them - although challenging your fears/thoughts can be extremely difficult, especially when they are so ingrained in your mind.

In the heat of the moment when that anxiety and fear takes hold physically, grounding techniques can be useful in bringing you out of your head and back into the present. Practicing these grounding techniques might be worth thinking about so that you have them when things get overwhelming. If you are open to it, there is also the app Smiling Mind, which has some useful guides that can help ground you.

Please don't hesitate to chat more, we are here to listen. I hope you find these forums helpful.

Take care.

[Claire_4]

Hi Catie,

One thing I have learnt that I think you would benefit from is looking at the situation in a different perspective. For example you said that you feel if you fail, you will disappoint people. Well think of it this way, if your friend or someone failed in what ever it is, would you be disappointed in them?

We tend to be hard on ourselves so the best thing to do is view the situation as if we are talking to a friend or someone who isn't ourselves.

I hope this helps 🙂

[Catie 08]

Thank you all.gor your comments 🥰

I had another tough day today... I've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow to see if I should adjust my meds. I know it's not a long term solution but being able to actually go to work to provide for the family is kind of critical at the moment so one thing at a time I guess??

[Abby-C]

Hi Catie,

"One thing at a time." That's' the way to make things lighter. Think of waking up each morning as a reset button. Forget how hard it was yesterday, and you might be surprised how actually strong and great you are.

[Weaponsofmassdisstortion]

I think it was Neil Bohrs who said: "I have not failed, I have simply found 368 ways which do not work" Another favourite quote of mine is: "I do not fail, I either win or I learn" Not really sure who said that one. In any case......

Try not to get so hung up on what other people think of you. Small steps, just do what you can and know your limits. But don't be afraid of challenging those limits. These things take time.