Fear of driving

[Guest_07474344]

• I want to know if anyone has successfully overcome a fear of driving. I have limited places I can drive to and cannot to motorways, large duel carriageways or any news places. I have convinced myself I can’t read maps or signs and find even the idea of driving to new places completely overwhelming. I’ve tried many times since passing g my test 29 years ago and the panic attacks are getting worse. There are even places I used to drive to that I now can’t. It limits me in so many ways. 

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you.

While I don't have an overall fear of driving, I definitely have a fear of driving under certain conditions. Being a rather analytical kinda gal (as a way of managing my mental health) I've managed to become more conscious of why I fear certain conditions. It's been about 30 years since I also obtained my licence. Personally, I manage a variety of conditions in a variety of ways, which helps with my stress levels

• Nothing wrong with avoidance, under certain circumstances. The only way you'd ever get me doing a hook turn in the city is if my children's lives depended on it, otherwise it's never going to happen and I'm okay with that. There are a few other conditions which I won't put myself in if I can help it, in service to my nervous system
• Choosing the time of day can be helpful. Some folk prefer not driving to certain places in heavy traffic because it's too stressful. Light traffic suits some people better
• Choosing your co-pilot or navigator. Some places I won't drive to without a navigator. They'll typically be places where there is a lot of signage along the way. It stresses me greatly when there's a lot of signage and a lot of traffic at the same time. With our brain being a computer/processor, too much to compute/process can be overwhelming and stressful
• Planning a trip ahead of time can be helpful. Seeing the best route (aka 'the least stressful one') can prepare us for the least amount of stress. While I was resistant to using sat nav at first, I found the voice prompts on Google maps is something that helps me maintain an element of calm. 'The Google lady', as I call her, is my friend 🙂
• Being out of practice can become challenging. Losing confidence in driving to or through certain places where I used to drive can mean practicing driving again in and around those places, 'til I develop more confidence. If practice makes perfect, a lack of practice can mean losing that perfect non stressed feeling
• Acknowledging things have changed over the years can mean we're not being too hard on our self. I swear, what is normal traffic these days used to be peak hour traffic 30 years ago. Drivers tend to be a lot more selfish these days too. There are still plenty of courteous and considerate ones out there but not as many as there used to be. A lot has changed over time and you could be feeling those changes
• I've been known to talk myself through certain driving experiences. Whether it's an outer guide (like with Google lady) or an inner guide, use whatever works. When I consider a section of the road where I was involved in an accident 20 something years ago, when I drive through that section these days, my inner guide tends to say 'You do this section like a pro. You're a legend'. Wasn't always this way. Initially that part of me used to talk me through with stuff like 'You got this. You can do it. Just breathe your way through. It happened once, it won't happen again. Just carefully make your way through'. I've found there can also be the kind of inner dialogue I don't need at times, so I have to manage that too. With some of our so called 'Inner demons', they can make the driving experience feel like hell on earth at times, that's for sure. Unlike Google lady, the stresser in me is not my friend when I'm driving

While I've taught my daughter to drive and am currently teaching my son to drive, I advise them 'If you need to talk your way through what you're doing, then do that, even if it's out loud'. Btw, it wasn't until I started teaching my kids to drive that I discovered teaching someone to drive is a major anxiety inducer for me. Learning was/is an anxiety inducer for them too. We work through the stress together, strategically, in order to gain the experience and confidence.

[ABC01]

Good morning,

I had thought I was the only one who had the issue too. And I am sorry to hear that you do. I empathise how restrictive it can be on daily life and the anxiety build up to driving can be overwhelming.

For me, I had a really small ding in a parking lot way back in 2011 and the other person claimed it was my fault,when it wasn’t. So I had to pay my insurance excess and get my own car fixed. It was so unfair. Thankfully I didn’t have to get the other car fixed. But still, insurance is there to protect you and mine didn’t, so my confidence in driving hit rock bottom. I ended up having panic attacks. Fast forward to now and I can only drive 5 minutes away from my home. And that isn’t very far at all. However, I still do it. I have had my car for 14 years and it has only reached 15,000 kms. People laugh at me for that. But so what. I pay rego and insurance,so what I do with it is up to me.

Unfortunately like most anxiety triggers, exposure is key. When you feel like you can go two more streets down then you have,give it a go. Always go your regular travels at the same time everyday, try the same route at another time. Obviously not at peak hour or school times. But small steps.

Put on some music you like to relax you. Something that you might sing along to at home.

Having a dash cam might aleave some anxiety. You may also be able to connect to a driving course for people returning to the road and wanting refresher classes. I did that when I first got my car as I had a 3 year gap between getting my license and owning my own car.

Reminding yourself that driving isn’t a race and ignoring others around you who don’t mind if they break the law,is hard because you may feel like you are being pushed. But you are following the road rules and making sure you are getting from A to B safely. Let others do what they want,ignore their rudeness and drive how you are supposed to. People can go around you. People can speed,it doesn’t get them any further than you if you don’t. I tend to internalise events I have on the road and it isn’t helpful. Try to “Water off a ducks back” and not hold onto anything that happens. It won’t be you who is in the wrong,it will be some jerk who thinks they own the road. And most importantly remind yourself to breathe. You maybe holding your breath without knowing it.

You are already succeeding by continuing to drive even with everything you have said. That is so great. Keep going. The fact that you are trying is so impressive, so brave and shows you have such resilience. You would have given up a long time ago if it isn’t important. Some days we have a day where we can and sometimes we have days where we can’t. Please don’t be so hard on yourself for the days where you can’t. It doesn’t make you a lesser person.

ABC01

[Guest_27671785]

Hello .. I am exactly the same. I used to love driving and my work relied on it. I would obsess about where I had to go and constantly try and pick a route to avoid busy roads and especially roads I could not pull over. I would initially laugh at myself because I couldn’t understand why I was terrified to take certain routes. Exhausting. 
Personally I used Ubers a lot when I lived in the city and now I’m living in a country area I don’t mind driving around on country roads. I have  very good doctor who gives me confidence and I find that driving on my own listening to music is best. I’m not good having passengers in the car now.  
I am sure this stemmed from a very near miss driving in the car to Melbourne it was so so close. 
One day at a time