Failing! ! ! ! !

[ci]

Haven't posted on here for so long but I'm trying to fight of a panic attack and I need to vent I'm sorry just need to get my frustration out.

My head is spinning I feel like such failure how is this my life how is this me!

I have ocd and been going so well made big improvement and quality of life so much better. But bang here I am in the dark hiding from my kids cause I can't breath the world is spinning and I can't speak with out bursting into tears.

I tried to have a normal life I tried step up study to get qualified at something so I could contribute more to my family instead of feeling like a burden.

But I'm failing at that too.

Was diagnosed with fibromyalgia also last year and it feels like a cruel joke if it's not my brain torturing me it's my body giving me pain and making it almost impossible to walk. Today it's just reached breaking point everything feels to much! I just need to hide and switch off from the world but I can't I have to smile and show my kids and husband all is ok get them what they need and make sure they happy all while inside I feel like I'm imploding like at any point my frustration and disappointment will explode out of me and I will loose myself.

[startingnew]

HI Ci

unfortunatley Anxiety is powerful enough to slam us unexpectedly.

do you know how to control a panic attack when it comes on

the first and the most imprtant thing is to BREATHE. take a few slow deep breaths.

youll find you arent getting enough oxygen into your body so will make your judgement more clouded, by taking a few deep breaths it helps to reset your body and be able to think abit more clearly

[white knight]

Hi ci, welcome back

I'm d o glad you are venting heee. But I think its more than a vent. You've got a rebounding problem.

Some of us get hopeful that our progress is so good only to realise the symptoms have returned. So what do we do about this?

I find the better way to go is to accept your condition is permanent and will come and go rather than believe you ate cured.

Thats a pretty straight down the line view. I'm hoping your children are cared for ok. I also hope you can get some help from a relative or friend.

Finally ci, always remember that tomorrow is a new day and it could mean you'll feel better.

Tony WK

[ci]

Thankyou starting new for your reply.

I appreciate your advice I have suffered with panic attacksfor years but haven't had one for awhile so was bit of a shock.

I was trying to breath your totally right I know how important it is to keep control of the breathing. I was struggling with it so I came on here to vent and focus on getting the frustration out so was easier to get a handle on my breathing. Thanks again for replying.

White Knight

Your right it is a shock when my condition flairs up but I have accepted it is life long and my life needs to fit in with that but accepting it doesn't make it any less frustrating. And at some points along the way I think it's fairly normal to grieve for the person and the life you once where.

Thank-you for your concern but my kids are cared for better than many other kids I went to sit in my room in the dark and quite to give myself 5 mins so I could pull it all together so I could come back out cook them a risotto and salad read some stories and get them to bed without them seeing there mum was having a bad day.

As for friends and family I'm the one people come to for help asking them for help never works out.

[white knight]

Thats great ci. You sound like you are a good mum. Taking a few minute to compose then back into mummy operation mode is the way.

I dont know why people tend to dump on us. I wonder if jts like...."oh, she has depression so she'll understand". Instead of "she has depression so I wont bother her with my isdues". Just an observation.

I'm glad you felt comfortable returning here. It can be your special place whenever you feel the need.

You are precious and worthy of peace in your life.

Tony WK

[startingnew]

i still get panic attacks and every time it still scares the crap out of me. its understandable how little or how often they come for it to be a shock.

jsut remember to breathe though it 🙂

and thats ok, vent away, about anything you like we are here listening 🙂