extremely overwhelmed and anxious after quitting my job

[Rach28]

Hi everyone. Im writing this post to i guess vent but also seek support because Ive been interalising this for a while now. In August 2024 this year I got a job and quit very quickly after I started the role. I recieved some very negative "constructive" feedback from my employer regarding my work performance. As a result of this feedback I had an anxiety attack and quit on the spot. To this day their feedback has been imprinted in my brain making me think over and over again "im not good enough" and "im not employable". 

I know I should be telling myself that their feedback was nothing personal and yes this job wasnt right for me - i hated every single second and was burnt out on my first shift. But I cant help but feel that after being told this same feedback face-to-face and over the telephone. Frustrating part is they werent aware i quit and wanted to offer me a different form of work which in my opinion was rude after the feedback they shared with no emotion or care for my feelings..... 

Its really impacted the way I view myself and my absolute fear and trauma of failing. I'm scared to fail again after what happened.

I'm scared of getting a job and dealing with an employer that tells me that I am not good enough. 

So yeah I guess I'm sharing this because deep down I'm petrified and scared of repeating my failure and putting myself in a situation where my hard work and energy is criticized. 

Has anyone else dealt with this situation after quitting a job and receiving negative feedback? 

I just am so scared of repeating my same mistake and forced to find a job again as I'm currently on Centrelink Job Seeker payment. I feel trapped and stuck dealing with people that dont understand my anxiety or the fact I dont feel like I am employable. I hate that others have made me think this about myself when I know deep down I am employable. But I cant help but let others opinions impact me when my self-esteem and self-confidence is already so low. 

I hate that my anxiety controls my life this way and makes everything impossible. 

Does anyone have any suggestions or strategies? 

I'm trying to consider studying before jumping into a new employment role and even that triggers my anxiety and i feel overwhelmed. So no matter what I do - my anxiety is always there. 

Help and advice because I am scared and stuck wanting to avoid anything stressful or that will cause me to be in a position of failure. 

If anyone is reading this and can relate - please help. 

[Scared]

No I disagree they were rude in offering another role.  It may have been their way of giving you something that was better suited.  What do you think?  Also people are not mind readers and they dont know what your thinking and how vulnerable you are.   I think communication is key between employee and employer.  Maybe if you had confronted your last employer and had told them that you want to do a good job but are struggling on your first day then maybe you could have sorted something out.   Nobody has anything to lose by being open and honest with an employer especially if you had told your employer you need help because you want to do a good job.

[therising]

Hi Rach28

I think some employers or managers have a very 'matter of fact' way of delivering a performance review. While they may even throw some personal opinion in there, it can kind of add up to what sounds or feels brutal. Kind of along the lines of 'You are not fast enough in this role. You don't take initiative. I don't think you're very well suited to this role...' and so on. Despite the fact that we actually may not be fast enough or take initiative, the employer or manager may be failing to see the bigger picture and why the job may be a struggle for us. Were we trained properly? What type of person trained us? Are we actually taking on the role of 2 people, based on an employer not wanting to employ a 2nd person for cost cutting reasons? Are the staff around us encouraging or are they intolerant, something we can feel (adding to our stress)? Have the staff around us forgotten what it's like to be the new person under a lot of different types of pressure? While taking initiative is something that comes with confidence and/or experience, have we not had enough experience or practice in that role to be comfortable in taking initiative?

One thing I've found that tends to combat the critic in me is the wonderer in me. If the wonderer in me can lead me to wonder, a sense of wonder can offer insight and a more open minded way of looking at things from a variety of angles. Definitely not easy to shut our depressing or anxiety inducing inner critic up at times, especially if we're in the habit of channeling it. A habit of a lifetime can be hard to break.

I've found that having the ability to feel or sense fairly easily (being sensitive) can come with a lot of challenges but it can also some with a lot of advantages. For example, you could ask 'Am I dealing with a 'matter of fact' kind of person? Let me get a feel. Yes, I can sense them being somewhat emotionally detached, not being able to fully feel what they're saying to me. Yes, I can sense/feel a need for them to phrase things a little more consciously and definitely more constructively. Can I sense myself having been thrown into the deep end in this job? Do I feel like I'm drowning/suffocating (finding it hard to catch a breath)? On the other hand, does this job actually feel relatively calm? Do I sense this being a pace I can manage?'. There are plenty of jobs that aren't the right fit for us, just as there are plenty that are the right fit. It can feel like a bit of a Goldilocks experience for a sensitive person (too hot, too cold, just right/too hard, too soft, just right etc). Also, there are plenty of employers who are the right fit for us and plenty who aren't. With a job, perhaps a helpful question may be 'Do I want to be employed in a high level challenge, a low level challenge of something somewhere in between?'. If our nervous system does not like or can't cope with anything other than a low level challenge, this can be a good starting point toward graduating to a more challenging position somewhere down the track (if that's of interest). 

[Rach28]

they shouldnt have said negative things to me and i made it clear to them I was quitting. I dont think you fully understand my post. And i struggle with anxiety - i cant help it. 

[Rach28]

Your response is not helpful in any way. It was confusing