I am a 31 year old male who is slwsys confused and always worried about who I am and what I am doing with my life. I feel there is no one aspect in my life in which things are going well and and am constantly worried and anxious about it all. At face value I have a good job but everyday I struggle to get up and go to work and I try to come up with reasons why I shouldn't. . I feel Iike a joke and I that don't deserve to be there and its only a matter of time before I am found out and kicked out. This scares me even more as the be eldest of the family. I feel there is always pressure to do well. My relationship with my siblings is average at best, I don't talk to my sister and I exist with my bro in the same house. I feel so much like a failure that I avoid speaking to my parents who have sacrificed so much for me. I destroyed a good relationship out of indecision and doubt and now am always worried bout whether I am worthy of anything like that again. I am blessed with wonderful friends who are all gifted and doing well. I am really happy for them.....but I feel so inferior in contrast to them. I feel like I have become such a burden that I keep to myself....all of which adds to my loneliness. All of the stuff I used to enjoy just seems like to much effort now and I really don't pursue those interest as much as I used to. In order to cope I find I have begun to pick up bad habits which make me feel like even more of an imposter as I try to keep them secret. I drink alone more, I spend my free time in bed and indulge in other things that I prefer not to discuss but make me feel like even less of the guy I want to be. I feel like all of this is really beginning to take it's toll, I have gained like 20kg, I have been diagnosed with seriously high blood pressure and am currently being tested for other health issues.........I feel like I am drowning in worry and it's only a matter of time before I can't keep my head above it all..
