Does anyone else suffer from social anxiety or am i alone in this?

[Social_phobe]

Hi,

I used to be confident and very bold, a very good people person, all my life until about 4 years ago. After 6 months of drug abuse, I developed anxiety. I had never felt it before and wasn't sure what it was until I saught help. (stopped the drugs also)

Shortly after that, it turned into social anxiety, which is even worse to me.

I look around and cant find anyone that has my problem, it has effected my life in so many ways!

I hate confrontation, I hate eating in front of people, my hands shake, I hate sitting with one person in the quiet, I hate social gatherings, I can barely hold a conversation with anyone, I can barely breath, I get extremely nervous when it comes to the opposite sex, I have performance anxiety and when people watch me do anything with my hands I get nervous and shaky and also when I pay with my card I get shaky and when I drink I struggle to put a cup to my mouth if im around someone, I even hate writing in front of people!

In every circumstance I have the fear of embarrassment, like if a seat makes a funny noise I nearly have a panic attack and if I do anything embarrassing I have to really talk myself out of a panic attack! I even get anxious when other people do embarrassing things!

It's completely horrible! How can I survive!

I cant handle it anymore and I have no self esteem and or confidence which shows, and I don't know what to do!

I have tried everything, counselling, psychiatrists, anti-anxiety medications, anxiety group therapy, it feels like I have exhausted all my options!

is there anyone out there suffering the same thing? is there anyone that has ever recovered?

[TJ80]

Hi Social phobe

Please know, you are certainly not alone. I myself have suffered Social Phobia as part of a number of Anxiety disorders throughout my life (and recovered!). I have had it at it's worst and struggled as much as you are. I knew I had to get out of the house, otherwise it would eventually ruin my life. I had quit a job working behind a bar as I kept spilling the drinks with my shaky hands because people were watching me, and then quit a second job I loved as I panicked dealing with people etc. I used to sit only near an exit so I had the security of making a run for it if I needed to. I couldn't even go grocery shopping alone for a number of years. The list goes on and on as you would know of the weird and wacky things we do out of fear. So, I slowly took baby steps... I sat a little further away from the exits,my partner would leave me on my own for 5 mins in the grocery store before coming in etc but I still continued on.

 Slowly as I continued to do these things, I was able to do a little more each time. 

Challenge yourself..but slowly and at a pace you are comfortable with. But whatever you do, keep going, bit by bit. Tell your friends about it, so you feel that safety when you are out with them (if you are comfortable to), keep signing your name, even if it ends up looking like scribble, spill your drink down your chin, but don't stop moving out of fear. Eventually you will beat it. You are in control of your life, not your Anxiety.

They are only thoughts..and thoughts cannot hurt you.

[GrumpyCat]

Hi Social phobe,

 I can relate! I get anxious in social situations and experience anxiety in other aspects of my life. Over time I have developed bad control and avoidance strategies to cope. When I was younger I tended to rely on alcohol to take the edge away. I also avoid social interaction to some extent, or pretend I'm very busy doing something else as I'm interacting with others.

I find my anxiety usually gets worse when I am stressed about something in my life, have been sick, or haven't had enough sleep. I have experienced similar physical symptoms that you describe. At times in social situations I have felt unable to take a drink of water from a glass or bring a fork to my mouth without shaking or twitching. My mind is filled with thoughts like: "I'll say something stupid"; "I'm boring"; "Careful not to shake or twitch"; "Is my fly undone?"; "What can I talk about"; "Quick break this silence"; "There looking at me"; "They think I'm odd"...

I find that physical exercise helps relieve my anxiety. I am also reading an interesting book at the moment on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) [The Happiness Trap, Dr Russ Harris]. The author argues that the biology that gives rise to the thoughts like above and the subsequent anxiety is an evolutionary trait that helped ensure an individual's survival in prehistoric times. Times when being outcast from a group meant death.

The author goes on to argue that such thoughts can never be controlled but instead must be defused. Perhaps you have heard of this or tried this treatment before. It is new to me and I am finding it helpful. When I get a thought like above I try and defuse the thought by observing and acknowledging it before letting it go. In my mind I'll say: "Thanks mind. This is the I'm boring thought." or "Ahh, the old they all think I'm odd thought. Thanks mind.". Sounds a bit silly but I find it does help me break away and not become the thought or obsess over it. I don't argue with it in my mind or try and control it I just recognise the thought and thank my mind for trying to ensure my survival. There are more advanced techniques further in the book that I am yet to get to, maybe I'll come back and share them.

[Social_phobe]

Thanks guys, and I do notice that exercise and sleep do help, but no way near enough!

TJ80, thanks, I do go shopping alone and things like that but its like I'm always afraid even when I take bigger steps... It's such a struggle!

I feel so on edge, I hate it!

How long did it take you to get over it? Also, people that are very loud and confident scare me and make me draw back and I do get those horrible thoughts about myself being not good enough and the fear of embarrassment etc..

And, Hooper, thanks I have done all of those techniques through therapy, they also lessen the anxiety but to a small extent 😞 I would love to hear the more advanced techniques..

I do know that social anxiety/anxiety is all in your mind and all about your thoughts and changing those thought patterns, I just wish it wasn't such a big process!

I have recently discovered a website called 'moodjuice' that has helped me more than anything I've ever tried.

Thanks guys for your input and its good to know that there are people that have overcome this horrible way of life!

[TJ80]

I still struggle with it, although not at all to the extent it was- took about 2 years for me. There is always that fear in the back of my mind and when I feel the fear coming on, I just keep focussing on whatever I'm doing. Taking note of the things I can see around me etc. I don't run no matter how much I am desperate to. That fear builds but I just stand up to it and eventually it subsides, or you're out in the car on the way home by then anyway. It took a long time for me to get that brave but I was completly over it, as you are. Now it's not so bad.

When you start getting frightened, ask yourself: In all honesty- what would happen if you did do something silly or embarrassed yourself? Gaurantee the answer is "not much", and that always gets me through too. Talk louder than the thoughts you're having.

I have managed my anxiety through a healthy lifestyle, using food for medicine, which is the best remedy I have found throughout my life. Goodluck, I really do hope you find a solution.

[Social_phobe]

Thanks, I just wish there was some kind of quick fix remedy, because there are better days but then there are horrible days, and it's just so depressing! the worst part is knowing that its mostly changing the patterns of the mind, but that is the hardest thing as the mind is so complex! And because there are sooo many techniques out there, it's almost like you try one then another comes along and you forget the last! Would be great if there was just one amazing one that would help!

[jess334]

Hi, 

Your definitely not alone. I have been dealing with social anxiety for over 10 years.  I know what you mean when you feel like you have run out of options.  I felt the same way about a month ago.  

I'm the same with wanting a quick fix.  at the beginning of this year when the medication stopped working, I just wanted to ignore the whole problem because I know there isn't a quick fix.  The only thing that works for me is working with my doctor, psychiatrist and psychologist to find a new medication and changing the way I think.  Which is so difficult!!  

My psychologist is trying this new technique where if I get a negative thought I have to imagine putting the thought into a bubble and watching it float away.  Its called defusing from the thought.  

I also really like using this free meditation app called 'Headspace'.  It talks you through coping with mental and physical discomfort.  

But if you do find that quick fix let me know 🙂