Do you know yourself?

[forumprofile]

Hi,

One of the things that I find really difficult is having a clear picture of who I am. I'm now 48 and I've always struggled with knowing myself and over the past 8 or so years my identity has been impacted more, especially by life events. Just when I think I know something about myself I feel that others see me differently and it starts the questioning off again. My spouse doesn't give me any clues (or anything really) and I feel that I get quite mixed messages from people.

Do you have a clear picture of who you are?

Was it always this way ?

How have you been able to find out who you are?

Thanks for taking the time to read this 🙂

[Guest_1055]

Hi forumprofile ,

I absolutely love your post because I understand what you mean. I don't know clearly who I am either, though very slowly starting too. And in answer to your questions, which are deep questions.... I definitely don't have a clear picture of who I am. And I believe it has always been this way, but I didn't think about it way back. It has only been the last year or so that I realised that I didn't know me.

My niece who is in her very early teens was having a discussion with her mum about the fact she didn't know who she was. The reason that I tell you this is because I wondered if around this time is the time you sort of discover who you are through various ways or something. I believe I missed out on that somehow.

And you know what?? I can already tell you a little about you. I am guessing you do think deep about things. Not everybody does that.

And your last question..... Mmm a tricky one to answer, but I guess I am starting to learn who I am by listening to people that love me and that I trust say what they see in me. Trying new things in life. For example I didn't believe I would like going to a gym, and may not have ever tried it. But someone asked me to go with them and it turned out I really liked it. So I found out I do like to exercise this way. So if you haven't tried new things in your life forumprofile, maybe that would help. Also doing personality type quizzes like Myer Briggs ( I am not sure if I spelt that correctly or not) and there is another I have found to be helpful for me was called the "five love languages". I guess these two quizzes sort of help you by asking you questions that make you think about things like dislikes and likes etc. I am not sure if you have done anything like that but maybe that would give you a glimpse of the person you.

I also want to encourage you and for you do know that you the person you is unique and rare. And there would be many things that make up that uniqueness. So yeah I guess we all are different and unique.

And do you think asking your spouse for the reason he married you would help? Like maybe he said he liked how gentle you were or are etc

And oh welcome to Beyond Blue....

Shell xx

[Moonstruck]

Interesting thread. My answer is either "I am the only person who does" or "I haven't the faintest idea". I have often found it strange and amusing that others' views of me (when they reveal them) can be totally opposed to what I know I really am!

eg. one of the funniest was "You have such a bubbly personality - you're a real "people person" aren't you?".. I managed not to laugh at their absurd misjudgement and didn't correct them by confessing "Actually no. I hate meeting new people,have no desire whatsoever to make new friends, not the least bit interested in other people's lives except those directly connected to me - and would rather be alone any day, than with most "people"who bore me to death." I am the furthest removed from being a "people person" than you will find on the planet!!

[feelingblue4832]

i have questioned this before as you have, i found that in my mind i remind my self of my strengths and my core values and beliefs i hold as a person they make me who i am, i do not try to be what others want me to be i be the best person that i know i can be.

[quirkywords]

What a great question or questions and one I often reflect on.

Having been diagnosed with bipolar at 16, over 40 years ago, I used to wonder was I the quiet introvert depressed person or the loud wild extroverted one? After medication I was subdued a bit and then I thought i am a mixture.

I think there is an emphasis on people to find their authentic voice their true self their basic core and this sells lot of book and workshops.

I think I am still searching and that is part of who Iam. I am a searcher and a learner. i can't be defined in a simple sentence.

Thanks again for asking.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

yes I think I do know myself! (but I am the only one who does.)

Whenver I have a success or a failure, a setback or a triumph, I see myself even more clearly. In my dark times, and in my joyful times.....they help me know myself. But...as I said. I am the only person who does. Isn't this the case with us all? Isn't there a deep intimate part of ourselves that no-one else can see into - even those in the most intimate relationships with us. So...yes I know myself - and she's kinda wonderful actually.

[CMF]

Yes Moon you are kinda wonderful.

I think i have come to learn who i am over more recent times. I was always in relationships where i had to do what was expected or felt i needed to be something i am not. This was my own fault as i felt if i was my authentic self i would not be good enough. I used to think that i was just very adaptable and open but i realise now that was not the case. I can be adaptable and open but i was forcing myself to do and be things that did not come easily to me. Funny how when i started to push back the relationships faltered. It has taken time on my own to realise who i am. I still don't know fully what i really want to do in life but i know that the more time i spend thinking about it alone, the more accurate my decisions will be as i am not pushed by others. I also own my decisions, no blaming things on others, so if my quest to find who i really am leads me on a path that is not right, i will take it as a learning experience.

cmf x