Consistent Complaints

[Believe]

Hi, newly joined hoping to connect for support.  I recently moved from a major city to a regional centre for work.  I hold a senior role and despite addressing many issues for the organisation and achieving all that is required of me I am weekly having to address complaints about me that are unsubstantiated. I have no support system and feel a target for staff. I don’t even know who the staff are because all I’m ever told is we’ve had a complaint that you are disrespectful and nothing more.  I’m not eating sleeping going out - except to work and feel highly anxious all the time.  I’m at a stage that I have lost trust and don’t know who to believe anymore.  I can’t be myself and this is further adding to anxiety.  Seeking suggestions - support.

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an incredibly challenging time in your life.

I truly feel for those at times who have stepped into a role that requires them to reform an organisation. If the organisation has fully informed the staff along the lines of 'We have someone new joining us who is a no nonsense director, who is going to direct us down the best path' then people have a heads up to some degree. On the other hand, if it's simply a matter of 'There's a new manager joining us' then no one knows what to expect and they're just not prepared for a no nonsense director. So, the lack of the heads up/warning can be a part of the problem.

I actually work for a deeply compassionate incredible manager in a senior position who is far from winning any popularity contests where I work. It was a few years back when she went on extended leave, only to return with an almost completely different nature. I suspected someone had a word in her ear when she was on leave and this was what led to the dramatic change. Before leave, she was too caring toward staff (to her own detriment), she was the 'go to' problem solver for a large staff (taking on everyone's problems) and she was trying to manage the enormous impact of covid regulations which had been introduced into the aged care industry. She was a deeply feeling person and this was destroying her. I suspected that word in her ear, when she went on leave, equated to 'You need to emotionally detach so that you can do your job while not being emotionally destroyed through it'. I found out later that this was the case. She returned with a 'Not my problem, go speak to the appropriate manager' attitude. Fair enough. She returned with a 'Just do what you get paid for' attitude. Fair enough. She returned with the tone of a director, as opposed to the tone of someone compassionate. Fair enough. Btw, at a time when I was struggling intensely with a number of issues in my life, I could not have found a more caring and compassionate person who supported me greatly. Her true nature as a person, as opposed to a no nonsense manager, came out when I needed it most.

I think emotional detachment can be so important in certain positions or roles but it can be misunderstood by those around. It can appear and be felt as harshness, intolerance, disinterest, a lack of care and so on. When you consider an army commander, they will command and demand only the best from their people because only the best gets the best results. Part of their job can be to serve the interest of those they lead and if they serve through a no nonsense tough love approach that gets the best results, not everyone who follows direction is going to be on board with that. There may be a lot of griping and complaints because it may not be what people are used to. While I've managed to develop healthy degrees of emotional detachment myself in my own life over the past few years, I've asked my 2 grown kids on a couple of occasions 'Am I too emotionally detached?' (based on not always being able to gauge it). They've answered at times 'Yes' and at times 'No'. I fully trust their judgement and ability to reason. I think sometimes it pays to find the most reasonable person or people in our life for constructive feedback.

[Believe]

I really appreciate your insights and yes I have had to detach emotionally to survive but that does not mean I don’t care or feel what staff are thinking or saying but a boundary to survive while I’m having to achieve a miracle to save a business needed in the community.  It is a thankless task.  

[Ben]

Hi. Work places can be extremely challenging and sometimes toxic. I stayed at one longer than I should have and paid the price. Ended up having to take an extended break. It was needed but the lost income simply became another source of anxiety.

I would like to ask if you asked for further details regarding the complaints because to me, feedback that "you are disrespectful and nothing more" isn't constructive in any way. The term "disrespect" is vague and completely open to interpretation based on the complainants' expectations and their unique "normal" and gives you nothing concrete to consider in terms of what you can do to address the complaints. For example, some people might mean they feel their opinion isn't being valued or worse, not even considered at all, some might mean you're too direct, some might be from different cultures or demographics with different expectations. Who knows. Could be anything. You clearly do want to resolve the situation otherwise you wouldn't be here so I feel that if you were given proper constructive feedback, you would be genuinely open to addressing the situation.

If they, which I presume is either HR or your manager, won't give you any further details, you might consider directly telling them that without further details, there is no way you can address the situation. Another consideration is if your company has a conflict resolution/HR policy and whether it provides any insight as to what HR/your manager has to do to properly handle the situation because it sounds like they're not handling it appropriately.

As a last ditch suggestion, if you're comfortable with it and maybe only relevant if the reason HR/your manager isn't giving you further details is because they don't have any, you might consider organising a meeting with the staff, including HR/your manager and openly stating you're aware of complaints, you're open to understanding and addressing them but you can't without further details. And then organise an anonymous survey,  either online or paper based, for staff to provide *constructive* feedback about what you do well and what you can do to improve. I've seen a team at one company do this regularly as part of their continuous improvement philosophy. Anonymous feedback obviously could result in toxic feedback but as long as you can detach emotionally, that will nevertheless tell you something. If it's all toxic, you confirm you have a toxic workplace, there's likely nothing easy you can do about it other than take your emotional detachment approach or resign and you have evidence to provide to HR/your manager that the complaints are likely not in good faith. If some is toxic but others is constructive, you can focus on the latter. If all is constructive, you have a solution. You will have to craft the survey carefully, though, in order to maximise the value and be able to distinguish between constructive and toxic feedback. I'm no expert but I expect there'd be some online resources that could help.

Oh, actually, another suggestion. You stated "while I’m having to achieve a miracle to save a business needed in the community". If you aren't already, you could try, also in a broad staff meeting, maybe even the same one as above, to be open about the dire challenges the business is facing and the tough decisions you're making, the reasons you're making them and stating that you're open to alternative suggestions. Sometimes people just need to know why something is being done otherwise it can seem crazy from the ground view.

[therising]

Hi Believe

In order for a business to cease being run into the ground, as you'd know it needs to be run differently. I'm going back about 20 years when I recall a company taking over a business I was working for. The original owners/managers were heading toward bankruptcy. When the new people took over, they cut the staff dramatically and made a number of other changes that upset people somewhat. While I managed to keep my job, I found the new owners/managers to be tough but they were also fair and while they were extremely business like, they definitely cared (like yourself). Shake ups definitely shake people up (agitate) in a number of ways. Not easy for the person doing the shaking up. I feel for you.