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Can't socialize for my own good

cacti
Community Member

Greetings guys!

I have been experiencing social difficulties for as long as my family and I can remember, which has been worsening by the year since adolescence. I've never had a net improvement even when I am motivated to try.

 

I'm 16 and likely going to attend university away from home in one year or so but I still can't hold the most basic conversation with peers and strangers. I struggle to buy groceries and order food in a restaurant despite planning what to say before hand -- the words either turn into gibberish or just disappear from my head completely because of how preoccupied I am by the fear of not expressing everything right.

 

I have no close friends, because as others say and I quote, I look difficult to approach. But I make sure I'm as polite as possible all the time and can't figure out what is unpleasant about me. Because of this I am always the least informed in school. It worries me that I might not be able to live very well on my own since I can't interact with the outside world and will have no one to lend me help when needed. I'm so lost on this.

6 Replies 6

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Cacti
 
We want to thank you for having the courage to post about your ongoing challenge around the social difficulties you have been experiencing.  We are a helpful and supportive community here, and you are very welcome.
 
We can hear this is challenging and that you are concerned for the impact upon your future ventures.  Please know that it is normal for some young people to naturally cope with meeting new people while others find it very difficult; just the same as some enjoy being the centre of attention but others may find it really uncomfortable.  If however, this does begin to interfere with your relationships, study or work it’s important to seek further help, perhaps starting with you GP?  A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:
   
We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M

Petal22
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi cacti,

 

I’m sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s hard sometimes.

 

Im sorry that you feel pre occupied by your fear.

 

Try to build yourself up tell yourself great things about yourself in turn this will help to build your confidence.

 

I assure you that there is nothing at all unpleasant about you.

 

If others judge you then that’s totally on them, they are missing out on getting to know the great person that you are.

 

You could have a chat to your gp if you want to or see a psychologist who can give you some strategies.

 

It all takes time cacti you may be like this now but in years to come you could be different.. we all grow in different ways.

 

Have you been able to talk to your parents about the way you are feeling?

 

Be kind to yourself 

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hello. 

 

I noticed you have created a couple of other threads and from what i have read there and here, it sounds like you are a very intelligent, take great pride in that, yet in areas where you need assistance such as you mention here, your parents are not very supportive.

 

I can also say that you write very well.

 

Like all things, conversation takes practice. There are some people who are gifted while others not so. I would put myself into the latter group compared with many around me. 

 

When I was in high school (1980s)  there was a person who many would refer to as a "nerd" - he was into everything a regular teen was not into... chess, d&d, maths, not social, and the list goes on. Recently he was going in the gaming world. Part of this is about find your tribe and where you belong. Your teen years can also be a struggle as you try to find your way in the world. Part of your tribe might be those you meet when you go to Uni. 

 

How about we start a conversation here ... tell me about some things that interest you?

cacti
Community Member

Thank you for responding, I cannot see a psychologist due to financial reasons but I have been trying to improve my outlook on things. My parents get upset over this sort of talk, so I avoid it as best as I can. Overall I struggle to figure out how to work on my situation.

cacti
Community Member

Thank you for responding. I have a tendency to ramble and in fact find it wonderful that people can understand...I see that you have mentioned my previous posts which were some cases of me spontaneously stressing over unnecessary things (looking back I also had a weird vocabulary and pattern of speech, haha, I blame it on rushed learning of a 2nd language)

As of now I genuinely don't know what has my interest. You're right in that for quite a while I trusted my sense of direction on academics, but it eventually receded like all my odd and changing phases, which I mostly adopted from what others value. I spent a lot of time on areas I personally don't need much work on (can't believe I used to worry over relationships as a 14 year old!) to avoid facing my complete lack of social independence required of my age. In the mean time, I like reading articles on random topics and fussing over bad movie reviews.

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Rambling is perfect for me. I don't know sometimes how my psychologist can keep up. One question brings out 5 ideas that need to be said.

 

Things from your post that have my curiosity...

 

1. second language?

 

2. bad movie reviews? Are these bad movies you liked? Or what?

 

For me to watch a movie I will check the trailer first. If old(ish) will check reviewer score (eg rotten tomatoes) and if less than 30 will ignore it. I also like movies to have a story line. As a get older I am more picky about what I will watch and how I waste my time.... You?