Work relations

[Janeie]

I’ve been feeling really crap lately.

For weeks. Work has been really stressful and crazy. I’ve been almost a breaking point. Constant anxiety.

I like my boss, we get on well. But she is a micromanager and a procrastinator.

Recently she overheard me talking about her to her boss. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed. The work environment is toxic. Everyone talks about everyone.

I hate myself for behaving that way. My self esteem is so low. My stress so high,

it is almost as though I was feeling so bad I set out to create a reason.

I just want to curl in a ball and hide forever.

[ecomama]

Hey Janeie, welcome to the forums. 

I read your post earlier, didn't have anything useful to say, so didn't post. That's what I do alot. Possibly other BBers do so too. 

I took a break. Took a lovely HOT bath (it's freezing here) & watched my fave...
Brene Brown's "The Call to Courage". 

I would do, think, say A,B,C. I could share those with you if you like? 

What I know would be ever so helpful for you, would be to watch Brene Brown's Netflix special.
It really speaks to your situation right now. 

You're in what Brene calls "a shame sh** show".
They can spiral.
We all have these, probably without knowing this term.
We've ALL felt shame & embarrassment. 
Brene is actually a SHAME researcher. She also researches vulnerability. 

Just fyi, I've worked in countless workplaces. They've all been toxic to a greater or lesser degree. 
None have been free of toxicity... it's what we do in these places that counts. 

You have so many options. We can talk these over & see which ones you feel would best impact the situation in a potentially positive direction. 

An incredible piece speech is by Theodore Roosevelt. "The Man in the Arena". (I've printed it out, laminated it & put it in all our bathrooms lol). 

YOU are in the arena. Putting yourself OUT there every day by going to work. Well done you, Hugs. 
By doing this, we expose ourselves to vulnerable situations. 

It's not the critic who counts.... this is part of the speech. 
Brene's work pairs with this perfectly. We wouldn't KNOW her work unless she'd found Teddy's speech. 

Brene also has countless online YT clips & several Ted Talks. 

Have a watch and a read. Be bolstered by the knowledge that any person who's achieved almost anything has failed. We will know failure when we choose to be in the arena. 

Deep breath, 
Love EM

[Janeie]

Thank you so much.

I will look up Brene. I saw her Ted talk a while ago but will look up the Netflix series.

My boss is not a good manager and has many issues with staff in the past. But she’s a good person who I usually get along well with and I’m so embarrassed about my behaviour.

I don’t want to be someone who talks about people like I did about her.

I also don’t want to be someone who self sabotages.

I do think a causal factor is the anxiety. It’s been soooo bad, it’s like I want to give it a reason for existing… or I’m so on edge it’s easy to set me off.

Now I have a reason I feel on the verge of a breakdown.

[Janeie]

I don’t know how my relationship with my boss can come back from this.

We’re waiting for a mediation (of sorts) to take place.

I know I need to find another job … which I’ve known for a while… was I trying to force that? Why do I have to burn my bridges on the way out!

[Bob_22]

Hi Janeie,

Thank you for posting and sharing your experience. I'm sorry about the situation you're in and that you feel trapped in what sounds like a toxic environment.

Regarding the anxiety, I say this a lot, but it might be worth talking to a GP or psychologist about some of the symptoms your feeling. Especially if you feel they get in the way in everyday life and affect your functioning. Also, in my experience of anxiety we can sometimes experience amplified guilt/shame for things we may have done or said. There are some useful CBT techniques such as thought challenging which can help with these thoughts. I've found them helpful in conjunction with my psychologist.

Also, you don't necessarily have to burn your bridges on your way out. In my experience, a sincere apology can go a long way. It sounds like your experience is weighing down heavily on you and that you feel a lot of regret. If you feel this way, it might be worth reaching out to your boss to let them know before you move on. It's hard to say how people will respond but at the very least you can feel that you've tried to make things right. 

Hope this helps and keep us updated,

Bob