Can't beat anxiety on my own

[DMATTAO84]

I've had anxiety for a long time now. When I was younger it wasn't as much of an issue as I thought I grow out of it, and had plenty of time to figure it out as I was still young. It's getting harder now I'm older, and I am slowly losing touch with my friends. They are all moving on with their own lives, partners, children, careers etc.

I want to meet more people, have relationships etc. but find it almost impossible on my own. I've tried online dating, but I don't know what to say, and never go beyond a few conversations before I stop getting replies. This makes me feel hopeless and alone.

No matter how much I try to improve my social life I seem to go nowhere. In the past I had friends to go out and do things with. Having support made it easier to go out and meet more people etc. Now when I go to functions by myself anxiety overcomes me and I can't easily talk to people. This makes me feel like a failure, and worse than if I just stayed home.

I've sought professional help, but this only helps so much. I need a person, or people to do things with so I can meet more people, and increase my chances of starting a relationship. I feel I can't continue with this isolation much longer and want to fix my life rather than just give up. Any advice on how people in similar situations overcame this would be greatly appreciated, I'm at a point where I don't want to continue on like this anymore. Thanks in advance.

[NMTB]

Hi DMATTA,

Very accurate title selection - few will manage social anxiety on their own. Indeed, these pages would be much emptier if that were the case 🙂

I can identify very closely with the symptoms and frustrations you feel. I can't tell you how I "overcame" social anxiety (because I haven't), but having been around the block with it I can offer some observations.

There is no one size fits all. You need to find what assists you as a unique individual with unique issues, even though others like me have similar, but just similar experiences. You mention you have sought professional help and that only helps so much. For me that has been true 99% of the time. For example, I didn't find a whole variety of psychological approaches of any benefit. I tried Psychiatrists and many , many potions and some were of a little assistance, some had rotten side effects and some psychiatrists I decided did not really "get" me.

After a very long period of trying I met with some success. I am no social butterfly, but finally I am more able to conduct a conversation with a stranger for a while etc etc.

Am I frustrated it took so long? (decades) Absolutely. Sometimes I feel sad or angry or resentful at opportunities lost and all the loneliness over the years. But the persistence, although it didn't lead to a "cure" was absolutely worth it.

This is not a textbook response to your post with resources you can go to etc. I am letting you know you are certainly not alone, that unlike me you may find something that helps you sooner rather than later, but my simple suggestion is that you persist with professional help of whatever type.If you find something that does help you, the social network you are after, with you able to reach out - will form.

If there was a technique or pill that cured social anxiety, the inventor would rival Bill Gates in the wealth stakes.

Cheers.

P.S. Quick anecdote: whilst seeing a psychiatrist, he tried to enlist me in a support group being set up by a psychologist colleague for patients with social phobia meeting on Saturday mornings. At my next appointment a month later I asked how the Group meeting went. "Nobody turned up" he said - true story.

Cheers.

[PamelaR]

Hi Dmatta and warm welcome to our community forums

Life with social anxiety is tiresome isn't it? I know what you mean and agree with NMTB's response about what to do, one size does not fit all. What helps one person may or may not help another.

I also have social anxiety, though I have learnt to go into a role. That is, to perform like an actor in a movie. My technique was to watch and listen to others who had no difficulties with communicating in social settings. So as time went on when I got into similar situations, I would mimic what I'd picked up. It worked for me. I can do this for a very short period of time. I get tired very easily as I want to escape.

I join groups that I have an interest in, e.g. folk music, community radio, photography, wildlife. But as you say, you need someone to be with you. I'm lucky to have a partner who I go everywhere with. Often, I decline going on the outings if I'm feeling extremely anxious or not dealing with life very well. What I do though is keep contact on FB. This means I don't have to be in their company but still maintain contact. It's a balancing 'act'. I do have to go to some outings so they don't forget me 🙂 🙂

Is there any particular actor who inspires you or you look up to and is socially aware?