Anxiety about sexuality

[ashlee1999]

Hi all,

I have had generalised anxiety for as long as I can remember, however, when I got into high school it suddenly stopped for a period of 6 six years. Now I'm 20 and in my 2nd year of uni and my anxiety is back worse than ever. This problem started a couple of months ago when I suddenly starting to fear and obsess about the fact that I have turned gay or bisexual. Please keep in mind that before this period I'm in now, I never once questioned my sexuality and always knew that I was heterosexual because I always liked boys and wanted a relationship with one. But now all I do is obsess, fear and get anxiety about the fact that I'm not straight. This fear and anxiety have lead me to become isolated and depressed because I get anxiety attacks just by looking at girls and think to my self "OMG do I like her sexually?". I feel maybe there is also I sense of guilt attached here because I used to watch lesbian porn last year and like it but still never wanted to with a woman. I don't do this anymore though. My biggest fear is that I don't want to be gay or bisexual, but I just can't seem to convince myself?

Can you please help me overcome this issue?

Thanks.

[Littlered]

Hey Ashlee1999,

I have 100% been there. I have OCD and depression and recently slipped into a new ocd cycle about thinking i am gay and want to be with women instead of my male partner. It lead to me checking my feelings constantly, feeling uncomfortable around girls and thinking i want to be with them whenever i have a nice friendship or conversation. I would constantly obsess over it and feel guilty.

I'm past that now and have learned a few things. There is a HUGE stigma about how people "find out they are gay" and how we treat those people. If you do happen to be bisexual its okay, and it really doesn't mean anything catastrophic. But the fact that you are so worried and worked up is a big sign that you're not, and this is simply just anxiety showing up in a new form.

I identify as bisexual and have known since i was probably about 7 years old. I just knew, it wasn't something i questioned. But my anxiety started when i thought about actually being fully gay and leaving my partner because of that fact. But the anxiety was actually about losing my partner, not about my sexuality at all. Anxiety finds lots of ways to get into your head and has many tactics to do so.

The way i over came it was acceptance. That doesn't mean actually "being gay" and accpeting that fact. It mean saying "yes i am having this anxiety right now" and accepting the thoughts and feelings as JUST THAT. The more you feed a thought, the more it comes because your brain genuinely thinks you want to think about it. The more you analyze, test, and obsess the more it piles on. Its very hard to not do those things as well, trust me i know.

But start by accepting thoughts as thoughts. They aren't real. They are just thoughts that scare you.

Sorry for rambling, i hope this helped in some way