Can't be alone

[Jane24]

I struggle with anxiety & panic attacks when I'm alone, especially when I'm physically unwell with a flu etc. as I feel unable to cope/scared of something happening to me with no help. I'm 25 & live at home with my retired parents. They get angry at me for not being able to cope on my own as it affects their life & they can't leave me home by myself. I feel like the worst person ever & they make me feel very guilty about my anxiety/how it affects them. I feel so depressed because of how I'm ruining their life & how little life I have.

Right now I have the flu & asked mum to stay home with me as I'm feeling very anxious. She is angry at me, saying how much she is sick of putting up with me, how I'm stressing everyone out & ruining her life etc.

How can I cope with these comments when I'm also reliant on her & physically sick right now? The stress is making everything worse.

[Terry73]

Hi Jane,

As much as you seem to feel alone, you never are, there is always a call you can make to professional counselling such as Beyond Blue. There are other services too that you might want to utilize as well, look about and see whats good for you.

I say this because that might ease the pressure off your parents, and help you to cope when you are by yourself.

Im sure you have already thought about going out and seeing people, but in this case (with the flu) its not really a possibility.

Can I ask whats causing your anxiety and panic attacks? I just think if you can see what triggers your thought into a cycle of anxiety and panic, there might be a way to counter it or avoid it completely allowing you to rest at home without the need for company.

I hope this helps

Terry

[Jane24]

Thanks Terry, that does help!

I think it is mostly health anxiety that triggers it. I lived by myself a few years ago before all this & I got very sick with a systemic infection. I've never had the best health/always had underlying anxiety & panic attacks, but that was traumatic for me. I moved back home while I was recovering & lost confidence in my body & my ability to physically cope alone.

I guess I'm scared of being alone & getting sick/my body just conking out on me. I don't trust it now. I feel like it's unsafe for me physically to be by myself & although I've tried to challenge those thoughts, I just don't believe otherwise because there's always the "but what if something happens & nobody is here to save me"

[Terry73]

Hi again Jane,

I think that is a fear many people have, myself included, but I cope by remembering something taught to me, which I further developed into a saying that I keep reminding myself of, and that is "life wasnt mean to be easy, but it wasnt meant to be miserable either", other sayings that work well with this are "life is what we make of it" and "courage isnt to go without fear, but to go ahead and do things in spite of fear". Sadly it took a big disaster in my life for me to realize this, which I dont wish anyone to go through, but it made me kick myself into gear and start to live life. Maybe its because of always having a positive outlook on life, believing that things will get better and there are things still to come that are worth seeing life through for, but its how I personally deal with these things.

Im not saying you should take the same path, but I hope that this advice (or some of it) helps you in some way, or at very least ease the burdens you have on your mind.

I hope your days become easier for you and that you get well again

Terry

[Jane24]

Thanks Terry

I really appreciate your words & advice. It's true, I've been living in fear and it's been miserable for me and those around me. I'm not really any "safer" by letting anxiety rule my life- just more miserable.

I'm sorry you've experienced a big disaster in your life, but thank you for sharing your wisdom that's come from that. You've helped me see things a bit differently 🙂

[Ted67]

Jane everyone's journey is different and Terry has shown huge compassion in sharing his thoughts and wisdom. I used to get enormously frustrated and downhearted in myself because after lots of therapy i have have such a good understanding (education is power) of what's really going on with my anxiety and depression ,At an intellectual level i have a plan, an acceptance and a great compassion for myself and lots of the great advice like Terry just gave and the frustration comes from almost some subconscious part that kills my ability to execute that plan ! That left me in a vicious cycle for years .....mine was the anxiety was so chronic it caused the depression rather than being depressed first .. One of the most comforting things I was advised was don't underestimate your resilience. The shrink said "you are much stronger in my eyes than you give yourself credit for,you are here, you function,you cope under enormous pressure" Obviously like you feel at present the idea that you are stronger and more resilient is hard to grasp as you feel helpless and relient on the folks and they are not coping probably in their own feeling of not affecting an outcome for a daughter they love ..But the one really important thing Terry said that agree is a must is build your Mantra ....you are stronger than you think ...don't give therapy away .....and remember, I know only too well, fear of the fear itself has more influence than anyone who has not suffered knows but it's a beast . I like to get angry at that fear at times just to help build resilience ......Jane my thoughts are with you .........it can be better ....remember everyone who has walked in your shoes and you know there are heaps are pulling for you ,whether they know you personally or not ....regards Ted