bus driver is obsessed with me

[goldilocks]

I catch the bus frequently and I do not see this driver as often as I used to (thank GOD). We connected through SnapChat and he promised not to send me pictures of his genitals. He did though, more than once. I am only using him to speak to him about a colleague of his I had feelings for. He knows I have feelings for this colleague of his and he still doesnt understand this. Just tonight he sent me a picture of the house he previously lived in. He is 55 and I am 21, and he is married. He's admitted to me that he wants to have sex with me. He claims that he will treat me with respect, and that he would give me more love and respect than the colleague I am interested in. This may be true (as I know his colleague and I strongly believe he had NPD and he has cheated on so many women) but I want nothing to do with him. He is gross and unattractive and I keep telling him this but he doesnt understand. I keep deactivating my SnapChat account to get away from him but I keep going back to him to talk about his colleague to him. I get that this is toxic and if I had an actual social life I probably wouldnt be in this mess. He is delusional and believes we are friends. He lives in a fantasy. I feel like I am being groomed, when all I was doing was using him to speak to him about the colleague I was interested in (which is a whole other story.) I'm thinking of calling the police and calling the bus dept. I need some help.

[Croix]

Dear Goldilocks~

I can understand this is a highly unpleasant and offensive experience for you and in an ideal world it should never happen. Frankly I wonder why you resume talking with this unsavory person after cutting him out of your life.

I can understand he may be a means of getting information about a third party but is it worth it?

He obviosly has an infatuation or fantasy of some sort in relation to you, and under the normal course of events if he had been told straight away you were not interested, and even threatened to report him I'd be surprised if he continued.

However from his point of view I would imagine he feels he is getting mixed signals - which leads to hope. You break off lines of the communication and them open them up again.

May I suggest you tell him you have given him enough chances to behave in a civilized manner and from now on you will report him to his wife, his employer and if that fails the police if he contacts you again, and that you have no desire receive anything at all from him again on either social media or in person - ever.

Then stick to it and do not contact him again. By all means keep a record of anything he does send.

After the on-again off-again talk in the past it might take him a while to get the idea, but hopefully by being ignored he will come to realise you mean it. If he does not quickly stop then might be the time to speak to his wife or employer. While it would be possible to report him to the police you may find the ensuing experience unpleasant, so I'd think carefully before doing so except as a last resort.

Do you think this might be the way to go?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Goldilocks, welcome to the forums and thanks for posting your comment.

I agree with Croix, this chap is living in fantasy land, if he wants to be with you then how many other women does he also want to be with, all away from his wife, he can't be trusted.

All he wants from is 'to have sex', that's not appropriate at all.

What you want to know about this other person, you won't be told the truth because he wants you and wouldn't tell you anything good about him, try and connect with him yourself.

I would report this other chap and try and avoid him, catch an earlier bus if you can or is there any other transport you can catch.

If you want to let us know 'the other story' please do so, it may also help us to assist you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[goldilocks]

Hi Croix,

I agree, he definitely has an infatuation in relation to myself, and I can't understand as to why? I believe that infatuation and obsession go hand in hand. I told him that he was obsessed with me and he became agitated and provided me with two dictionary definitions of what it means to be obsessed. I'm not stupid, I know what it means to be obsessed - it means to take an extreme liking to someone with no logical reason behind as to why. The man is obsessed with me. He refuses to accept the fact that I was interested in his colleague. And he then he proceeds to blabber to me that this colleague of his cheated on his ex-wife with multiple women on multiple occasions. I thought he was lying in order to get down my pants, but it turns out that the information I was presented with about his colleague was true. I would like to report him.

I was going to report this man to his wife but he threatened to report me to the police for trying to tear apart his marriage, yet he is the one who is trying to tear apart his marriage by being involved in sneaky conversations with me. He is technically cheating on his wife with me.

[Flowertop]

Hi Goldilocks

You need to block him. He sounds like he is starting to make threats to you and you are caught up in conversation which he is probably getting off on.
The guy you are interested in also sounds like a doucebag.
You sound like a nice person and deserve better than that.

[nrg]

Block him from that app, report him and find another way to get to where you're going

[0antman]

I would just block him and stay away. I am sure that if things are meant to work out between you and his other colleague, it will.