I was diagnosed with HER-2 positive breast cancer when in 2013 … I had 2
years of intensive chemotherapy. and I elected to have a double
mastectomy and reconstruction, given the severity and grade of cancer. I
also had 7 years of medication – total h...
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I was diagnosed with HER-2 positive breast cancer when in 2013 … I had 2
years of intensive chemotherapy. and I elected to have a double
mastectomy and reconstruction, given the severity and grade of cancer. I
also had 7 years of medication – total hormone blocking treatment. It
was a hard slog. I lost my job and moved in with my mother, as I had
recently broken up with my life long partner and had nowhere else to go.
She cleaned up my vomit and lifted me up to take sips of water etc. I
then decided to be my mums full time carer until she died, for 7 years.
I did for her what she did for me. and what no one else would do. After
all that I had to find my way again in a hard and unforgiving world. I
had been out of the workforce for between 5 – 7 years. I have been
trying to get back into the workforce. Pre-cancer I was a very
successful Software Engineer and IT manager, who had never been short of
work in my life. After knock back after knock back and a million reasons
why I was unemployable, I went back to university to update my skills.
I’m halfway through a Post Graduate degree in Cyber Security and getting
distinctions. However, I have had to do it part-time because of the
unrecognised and unspoken about side effects and long-lasting effects of
cancer and cancer treatment. I still suffer extreme fatigue, illness due
to a compromised immune system and grief for the loss of my old
superwoman self. This is compounded by the expectations of the society
around me, who do not understand and who refuse to acknowledge that side
effects exist. There is an overwhelming societal voice that says to you
after you’ve survived cancer, which says ‘well what’s the problem,
you’ve beaten cancer. Your one of the luck ones ..get on with it..!!’
Whereas cancer specialists say ‘ you have to slow down, stop being a
perfectionist and smell the roses….. REDUCE STRESS’. Why is reducing
stress SO IMPORTANT to a cancer survivor …. STRESS changes the cell
structures creating an environment for cancer to thrive. I am on
Newstart allowance. I was never granted a disability allowance, because
cancer is not recognised as a disability. I apply for approximate 40
jobs per month on top of my university degree, just trying to get a job
and satisfy the Centrelink requirements. I want a job, but I don’t know
if I can handle a job. My fragile physical strength and susceptibility
to Stress create a pressure capsule which I get trapped in. I can’t
explain this to my Centrelink provider – they have limited knowledge of
cancer and the same with the average GP. Once you have exited the Cancer
Specialists realm – you are tossed back into the ignorant mainstream. I
suffer from anxiety – sometimes extreme anxiety and stress, because I
can’t do what people want and expect me to do. I can’t fit back into the
square anymore. I get called ‘lazy’ and a ‘slob’ because I don’t and
can’t do what a ‘normal’ person can do. I am now vomiting the weekend
before every Centrelink appointments because I haven’t found a job. I
have had some interviews which appear to me to go well, but I am always
overlooked. I don’t have the answers to everyone questions ….???? Am I
‘Normal’ or am I ‘abnormal’…??? Do I have a mental condition.?? Or am I
just a ‘victim’, like everyone says I am. I can’t do what everyone wants
me to be able to do. I’m 56 years old and a cancer survivor, but I feel
like society wants me to be 25 and a super athlete.