Should I Face My OCD

[LostonaForum]

I have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD both of which I am medicated for and see a psychologist about, but there is one diagnosis that I chose to ignore and that's OCD. This one came to me as a surprise because I hear people go "I have a little OCD" or "I'm OCD about this" so I assumed that my rules and cleanliness came down to little quirks of mine. When I found out I had OCD it did kinda click and it did make sense but I didn't want it to go away because when everything is the way it should be I feel calm and a great sense of peace washes over me that when I think about no longer having that feeling I get kinda tense and choose to ignore the idea of addressing my problem. Today though I had a panic attack because someone put milk into my clear glass mug (even thinking about it makes me sick) it should be noted that I live with roommates and although they share plates and cooking equipment I own my own set of everything which only I can use. I have a rule that water based drinks can only be drunken from clear glass cups and milk based drinks can only be drunken from non-see through clay or porcelain like mugs and cups. This to me makes sense and feels right but when someone messed up my system it felt like my cup became contaminated and now i'll have to wash it out fairly rigorously to use it again. For the first time I realized how obsessive I can be. Looking around in my bedroom it shows up again with my bed being made a certain way and everything being placed on my desk at a certain angle on a particular spot. But I feel scared to lose my OCD because I've had it for so long that it's one of the only ways I have to cope with everything else in my life.

P.S. I'm incredibly embarrassed about my OCD so please be kind.

[Guest8901]

Hi there Lost, and welcome to the Beyondblue Forums. Here you will find many people who suffer from the same issues as you do, namely Depression and Anxiety. Incidentally the specific issues you have, PTSD and OCD, both fit under the overall umbrella of Anxiety disorders.

I too have been diagnosed with PTSD, as well as OCD. And yes, its true that you do hear people saying things such as "I'm a little OCD". Often said in jest I feel. But having OCD is no laughing matter and in fact causes a lot of distress at times. For me, my OCD fluctuates in intensity, depending on triggers for my PTSD. It seems that I developed OCD as a coping mechanism for the over-riding symptoms of my PTSD. Which apparently is fairly common. Although I have to say that I believe I have always had OCD tendencies even before the trauma/s which resulted in my PTSD. Can you recall whether your OCD commenced before or after your PTSD-causing trauma incident?

You sound so much like me with regards to your OCD, so I do understand how you feel. Have you undergone any therapy with your psychologist as yet, for your PTSD? Most therapists will do CBT with their clients, which is known to help with PTSD. But it is also a well used and successful method to help with OCD as well.

You mentioned that you are on medication. Is it an AD or more of an anti-anxiety medication? Without mentioning any specific names, which we are not permitted to do here.

I think that your reluctance to change who you now see yourself is understandable. But I also know that OCD can cause a lot of unnecessary emotional and physical distress at times. One thing I will definitely point out is that there is no need to feel embarrassment over having OCD. However its also something you do not have to tell other people about if you do not wish to draw attention to it. I would urge you to discuss it with your psychologist though, as therapy can definitely help you to deal with, and manage, your thoughts and feelings around the disorder. And this can occur without changing the fundamentals of who you are, and how you see yourself.

I hope to hear back from you. But in the meantime, you will find many other threads in the anxiety section to do with OCD, so I would urge you to read some of them. And please feel free to reply to any existing threads, where your input will be very welcome. There are many good people here on the forums, all willing to share their personal experiences and tips.

Amanda

[geoff]

Hello LostonalForum, can I offer a warm welcome to you, and understand what you are going through, OCD is a powerful illness, one which I've had for 58 years and know exactly what you are saying, so I'll be kind, but can you wait until the morning when I'm able to reply back to you.

I've bookmarked your comment, and I say because I start very early in the morning at about 1-1.30am and will get back to you first thing in the morning and please never be embarrassed because you have OCD.

It's great you have contacted us and know that you aren't the only person suffering from this.

Best wishes.

Geoff.