Phobia of my child getting hurt. New to anxiety attacks.

[Britt_B_Bear]

I have two kids, aged 8 and 4, so I dont really fit into the "new stressed out mum" catagory. The eldest, a girl, is a dream child. Compliant, sweet and well adjusted. The 4 year old, a boy, is a trainwreck. He is the most hazardous, accident prone child I have ever known.

When he was born, everything was fine, except when we went for the first feed, he couldnt work out how to feed and breathe at the same time. He went blue. Once we stopped feeding, he was fine. It was weird. But after a day, he workeed it out. Just to give you an indication of how calm and in control was... the second time he did it in the ICU, I presse d the nurse alert button to ask for help, and all the doctors came flying because they assumed it was the "medical emerency" button.

Anyway. Hes never really improved his coordination and has had multiple falls, bumps and grazes. Every kid gets it, I logically know that. However, when he gets hurt, I can't breath. I shake. I want to throw up. I cry. I actually feel like Im dying. And his dad, and the rest of the family look to me like "mother knows best". I feel the weight of the worlds eyes watching me on my next move, do I waste more taxpayers dollars and make my husband stay up all night for one silly head bump? Do I get it wrong and have child protection on my door asking why I didnt get my child medical care? Will my child secretly die in the middle of the night? Am I a bad parent?

I only experience these syptoms when he gets hurt. Its like I have a phobia of him getting hurt. Its miserable and the online advice for these feelings "take a moment to stretch".

What do you think, internet?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Britt B Bear,


Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out. I’m really glad that you’re here.

“Take a moment to stretch” grumble grumble - sorry you have had to go through this and rest assured I will not tell you to stretch!

Just reading your post, even though I don’t know you it sounds like what happened was very traumatic. It makes complete sense to me that you would be reacting this way and feeling this way. I’m not a mum but if I was I can imagine that I would be feeling the exact same. I can only imagine how scary it is seeing your baby go blue.

It sounds like maybe your mind is still kind of stuck in that moment. Your baby is now 4, but I’m imagining that in those moments where he stumbles, perhaps it feels like he’s just a baby again - right back in the ICU.

I’m also guessing that perhaps this is why it’s so hard for others to understand. How can people ‘get it’ if they’ve never been in your situation?

I’m not sure if any of this resonates with you at all?! At the very least if you can take something away from this post, know that you’re not a bad parent (just a worried one) and you have every right to be.

[Britt_B_Bear]

The difficulty Im having is, if he falls and hits his head on the floor, and has a huge egg on his head, wants to cuddle and cry...How am I meant to make healthcare decisions for my child while Im mid-anxiety attack?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Britt B Bear,

Thanks for your reply and getting back to us. I really appreciate it.

My thoughts are that if you are able to manage or get ahold of your anxiety, then the attacks will become less intense and eventually fade. That way you won't have to let anxiety rule your day.

I'm wondering if you've ever told anyone about how you're feeling and how hard it's been for you? As someone who has dealt with anxiety and been to counsellors I can vouch for them personally if that's something you are open to.

When you have an anxiety attack now (with or without your son), how do you cope? What techniques have you tried or do you try?