BAD DECISION: First time trying to post on tiktok when finally feel better with my social anxiety

[Bonisnothappy]

Just wanna tell my story a little bit.

Recently I finally feel like I am better with my social anxiety then I decided to make some posts about me and my cats because I have no friends in real life. I then posted a short video of me playing with my cat in our own way which was me rubbing my cat's belly but maybe she didn't act pleased. Then I got bashed by people accusing me of animal abuse.....

I've been with my cat since she was 2 months old now she is nearly 8. We do have our own way to play and she loves me I love her too. But the comments I got on tiktok just give me huge anxiety. I dont think I deserve those kinds of comments and I don't think having her for almost 8 years sleeping together every day I would need someone to tell me how to treat my cat but somehow I started to self-doubt maybe I am not treating her well enough...

I know I might be a little sensitive but I do care about my cat so much and this experience really hurts my feelings.  But I can't say they are bad people because they seemed to care about animals I dont know

[Sophie_M]

Dear Bonisnothappy

We're pleased you found the courage to post about your pain and confusion here in our forum. We're a very helpful and supportive community.

We're sorry to hear that people have decided to attack you when you posted your videos of you and your cat playing and having fun. We would encourage you to try and remind yourself that you know much better than anybody else how close you and your cats are. If your cats are quite comfortable and happy sleeping with you, this would strongly suggest that your cats are quite content and pleased living with you.

We'd also like to encourage you to talk with your GP about your TikTok experience. You might then ask your GP about the possibility of setting up a mental health plan so you would then be able to work with a mental health specialist around developing ways to increase your confidence.

Finally, any time you start feeling anxious, we'd like to encourage you to call our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 so you can speak with one of our friendly, nonjudgemental mental health specialists who may be able to help you calm a little. You might also try calling Lifeline on 13 11 14. Both services are available 24 hours per day, every day of the year.

Please feel free to post more whenever you wish. We are always here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Croix]

Dear Bonisnothappy~

Welcome here to the Forum. A good place to come to see how other people have a fair and friendly way of talking.

Sadly this is not what you get on Tiktok. I'm glad you have already met Sophie_M as she gives good advice and is very sensible.

I've had cats and dogs since I can first remember, and they all have minds of their own - particularly cats. There is no way a cat will put up with being hurt, ok one might accidentally step on a tail, but you will know it straight away!

If the cat is enjoying you attention then all is as it should be and don't need unhelpful remarks form others who do not even know you.

Mine (Sumo Cat) tells me off if after telling me to open the door - which I do of course - he will look outside and turn back and complain at me I did not open the "door into summer", but just another cold rainy day. My fault of course:(

Getting unwelcome responses on social media is what always happens, it is no reflection on you no matter how well constructed their words may be - you know your cat loves you and that's the end of the  matter.

Croix (Sumo Cat also sends his regards)

[Guest_342]

Hello,

I have a cat too and they are odd creatures! I know that it's a widely held understanding that many cats can be funny having their tummy touched. But I don't think this should necessarily mean you can't do it if your cat lets you. Actually, I've heard that if a cat shows its tummy or allows you to touch it, that shows a great deal of trust because they are vulnerable on that part of their body. My cat is a cat of many moods and personalities. Sometimes I can touch his belly and he'll begrudgingly tolerate it and other times he'll bite me and do those little bunny kicks against my arm with his back feet while wrapping his front legs around my arm! We can push each other's buttons sometimes! Sure, there's a chance your kitty was not uber pleased with what you did but it's by no means the worst thing in the world! It doesn't sound like you tormented him or caused material distress or anything. Every pet is different and we learn through our ever growing relationships with them what they're comfortable with. You sound like a kind person who cares very much about your cat.

I wouldn't worry about what those people had to say - they are simply opinions and I think it's pretty common for people to feel offended fairly easily online.

Have a lovely week and enjoy your kitten cuddles (if he'll let you - my boy won't let me, sadly!).

[sbella02]

Hey Bonisnothappy,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us, it's a pleasure to have you on our forums. Sophie M, Croix, and Guest_342 have shared some brilliant advice, and I'm here to contribute my own.

Anonymity is a powerful tool on social media - unfortunately, on apps like Tik Tok, it can often and very easily be weaponised. Tik Tok comments in particular have the potential to be really nasty, causing some content to gain traction for the wrong reasons. 

I have two cats, and I know that sometimes they're really affectionate with me and sometimes they're not in the mood, which is fine and very normal. As Guest_342 has pointed out, cats will only show their belly if they really trust you. Hopefully this can give you some reassurance. 

At the end of the day, some people will take a 15 or so second-long Tik Tok and make often unsubstantiated assumptions about the creator. It's best to just take these comments with a grain of salt, which I know is easier said than done. Sometimes reading them can just add to your anxiety, so putting your phone down may help. If you do find that you give into the temptation of having a read through, try not to reply, as replying to them all can get so exhausting. There's no obligation for you to prove yourself to appease Internet strangers. 

It's not your fault, hate comments can spread like wildfire on the Internet. Just try as best as you can to ignore them, in the knowledge that you know yourself a lot better than these commenters know you. If you're feeling very overwhelmed, you can always have a chat to a GP, therapist or counsellor, and they may be able to offer you some professional advice on dealing with those feelings.

Please feel free to chat more with us, as we'd love to support you as best as we can.

All the best, SB

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am so sorry! People can be so cruel online. Tiktok is a very judgemental place and people often comment negative things because of their own problems, not yours. Obviously, if there is a genuine problem, people can identify it, but yours sounds like an innocent video! Remember, people project their own insecurities in the form of rude or judgemental comments. It is a reflection on them, not you!

Keep powering on, and try to not let this impact you. If you want, you can reply to one of the comments in the form of a video with your cat to show them he is loved and not abused (which you should not have to do), but it may make you feel a bit better about it. Cats are temperamental creatures!

Please stay strong and do not worry about haters.

Jaz xx

[Gelesa]

I understand your feelings because I know people on TikTok may be rude and hateful. I also have an account where I post some videos about knitting and the process of making some things. I could never imagine that someone could hate me because of how my arms look, how I put the light for the video, the things behind my arms, etc. All these things make no sense, but still, someone says in the comments mean things. You can't prepare for it; the main thing is not to believe those words.