Approaching dementia has made me hypervigilant and anxious

[aegidius]

I don't actually have a dementia diagnosis. I can sit in a doctor's office and ace the MMSE, because I'm not distracted and never had trouble with exams. But I'm forgetting things more and more as the years wear on. I've become convinced - perhaps wrongly - that dementia is in my future. I'm 67, and my father suffered from it (but not the quick-onset familial kind, afaik). It has made me very worried about forgetting things, which makes things worse I know, and I'm checking and rechecking everything. I feel greatly ashamed when I (for example) turn up at the shops having forgotten my wallet. Eventually I fear I'll mess up something with real consequences. I can go along for a few days when everything works fine, and then something happens to remind me that it is all a house of cards. I've had to give up creative pursuits of various kinds in order to reduce the distractions and just do what has to be done in the present. I know there's no answer to this, and no answer to the big question of how will the future play out. Just had to get it off my chest.

[geoff]

Hello Aegidius, and a warm welcome to the site.

I understand exactly what you are saying but do people ever know that dementia is approaching, that's a difficult question to answer, our memory may begin to lose what we just did, but can remember what we did 15 years ago, I know that happens to me but perhaps an assault years ago has caused this, but I do believe that once you turn 67, (I'm 66) our memory is certainly not as good as it used to be, but the fact that you have realised this doesn't correspond to dementia.

With this illness, you have no recollection of where you are or who you are, let alone know the people you are talking to, you live in a world oblivious to everything, but it may happen slowly over time and one day you go to bed and wake up having it.

Some people may say it's the best thing that could happen to someone who has struggled all their life and now everything means nothing, however, for a loving family, it's the worse result if suddenly a parent results with having dementia.

I know young people may get annoyed with having to remind you of something you should have done, and yes this happens to me, just remind yourself that at our age we have had to go through what our young kids haven't and probably don't understand, unfortunately, one day the same could happen to them.

Old age is not what I anticipated it would like.

Take care.

Geoff.

[aegidius]

Thanks for your kind words Geoff.

My father was very aware of approaching dementia, actually. Long before the not-knowing-where-you-are stage, in his 70's, he was often apologetic - "you'll have to excuse me, my brain's ****.." He was able to drive just fine and I never felt unsafe with him, but he often forgot why he was driving and where he was going. The high-level strategy failed, leaving the low-level tactics intact. Eventually he stopped driving and showed no interest in returning to it (this from a former racing driver!) which I guess was just as well.

So yes, it's not something you suddenly wake with, at least not in my experience. My mother-in-law fell apart when they moved house. She was showing signs, but was functional. Take her out of her normal routine, and that was the end - she went into care in a year or two. I get anxious sometimes that I will become like that. No answers, really, and I don't expect to find any in the near term at least.

[Hanna3]

Hi aegidius,

Welcome to the forums! (and hi to Geoff also!)

I noticed your post as I am a similar age - a tad younger than you. I think you sound pretty normal for this age group, we all forget things sometimes and going to the shops and forgetting your wallet or something is fairly normal I think!

Do you have any interests such as puzzles, or playing music, that you do? Anything that helps your brain to keep functioning well is good - challenging problems are the thing to do! You need to make your brain work hard!

We don't all get dementia, many people stay highly functioning right through to the end.. it's a matter of some luck and also using your brain to keep it working well, and exercise helps too as it helps your body.

I play two musical instruments - and music is one of the best things for reducing chances of getting alzheimers/dementia. Computer games are apparently good. I was reading a book recently on this very problem and playing a musical instrument was one of the best recommendations, also keeping an active social life (talking and even arguing with other people is very helpful - the author says arguments are good for your brain!). Learning a foreign language is really good - could you do an online course in something? JIgsaw puzzles, word games, these are all good for your brain.

By the way, doorways from room to room are where we tend to forget things - there is a good article on The Conversation online about how when we move from one room to another - say the lounge room to the kitchen to get popcorn - when we get to the kitchen we forget what we came for. That's because we are distracted by the change in what is in the room. They say to keep saying the word of what you want - say, popcorn - over and over as you get up from one room and go to the other room to get it. This helps you to remember what you wanted!

Maybe you could check your local library or Google ideas to ward off dementia and keep your brain active?

Welcome and I hope the forums here can help you! Cheers!

[geoff]

Hi Aegidius, I'm sorry about your dad, I think what happens over time is that people know that they are forgetting all sorts of cognitive functions, such as memory, what your name is, finding it hard to carry out familiar daily tasks, get confused over the correct change when shopping, struggle to follow a conversation or find the right words to reply, continuously repeating themselves and unfortunately the list does go on.

What I meant was going to bed and waking up with dementia is by realising all of the above before you actually go to sleep, but then waking up and not know where you are or what you've done the last couple of days.

You had previously known that your memory, some confusion and how to get to your son's place which you have done 4 times every week you were aware of, but then after you wake up the next morning, that's when it happens, not that you realise.

Sorry I didn't explain myself clearly enough.

My apologies.

Geoff.

[aegidius]

Thanks Geoff. Hobbies and interests are off the table now. I've just had too many times when I've been thinking about some other stuff and it's distracted me from the task at hand. I realised it takes 100% of my brain power just to do the washing and make breakfast. I can no longer dream or relax and sleep is elusive. I'm not sure how this will play out.