Anxious about what people think of me with HSP

[Freewhale]

Hi there,

This is my very first post since I discovered this wonderful place. Reading the threads and other people's stories really inspired me. I feel like there is hope at the end of the tunnel and that I am not alone.

My story is quite typical, I am always sensitive towards other people's opinions of me since a young age. And it intensified since I started working. I also have very high expectation of myself, and these two combined have taken a toll on me from mid last year. I was put on multiple projects at the same time, in a territory I am not familiar with, I was working so hard trying make it work. However, with all the pressure and my eagerness to prove myself, it triggered my first anxiety attack. I removed myself from the projects to protect my mental health, but I felt quite shameful since then and ultimately found another job instead.

The new job was great to start with, however, there were a couple of recent changes have shifted the picture completely. Since the pandemic started, I have been struggling for a bit. The constant feeling of not being viewed as a good performer has haunted me on regular basis, I also feel quite difficult to nevigate through the office politics and play the game.

To change it, I've started to jog and meditate every day. I also write journals to record my feelings/achievements. And enrolled to a Mindspot online course. But the negative thoughts still hit me everyday.

Does anyone else experience it? How do you manage it?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well you’ve displayed that you are capable of self help- getting another job for example.

Have you visited your GP? Medication along with therapy is all part of the bigger picture to recovery.

TonyWK

[Freewhale]

Hi TonyWK,

Thanks for the reply. I have visited a GP, and got my my mental health plan, but I want to try to manage my anxiety without medication first. If that doesn't work, I'll reach out for the alternative option.

[CyP]

Hi Freewhale

Thank you for sharing. And I hear you!

COVID has definitely changed not only the way we work, but also people, and has amplified underlying feelings of uncertainties and our capacity to handle the unknown .

I also struggle with feeling 'I'm enough'. On days that I don't feel my best self, I chase down rabbit holes, overthink, and get hooked by the imaginary need to do more. It's exhausting.

I too have done the mindspot training. The content was great in terms of understanding our anxiety, how it works, and how to scaffold our way through and not get caught by our own anxiety.

Taking small steps is the key I find. Keep it up! And do keep up with all the wonderful exercises and journaling !

You mentioned office politics - it can certainly make something simple unnecessarily complicated. It's great that you are recognising it, and I think awareness is key... so you don't get involved in the first place. I have no advice for you around navigating office politics because I don't know how to play the game either ! My strategy is to stay out of it as much as I can, so I minimise the chances of getting caught in one 😛

At work, its not always easy to find genuine collegial support. I think it takes time and opportunities to understand how people are feeling , and to find those who understand integrity to keep conversations respectful and confidential. I tried by just asking people how they are, "are you okay ", and sometimes carefully acknowledging tricky situations/challenges by simply saying ' that wasn't easy, was it? Thanks for doing it together " and see what they say back.
Sometimes it gets reciprocated, sometimes nothing. Oh well it's out of my control how people react so make sure leave it as it is. I hope slowly that would build a small circle of people we can trust.

By the way I also pull myself out of a project 4 weeks ago.
Like you, I always try to work through things, but I werks in, i realised it wasn't for me. It was starting to take a toll. Oh yes there was some level of embarrassment when I broke the news to the group, but my mental health comes first, and I know I could redirect my energy into something else. I believe we have made a similar decision to prioritise and protect our mental health, so don't be apologetic. We know our panic attacks, and to manage it is to recognise our triggers and knowing what can make it worse.

If you would like to come back and talk more, feel free to do so . Name it to tame it! .
Sending warm wishes..

[Freewhale]

Thank you so much for your reply. I feel so related to your experience.

Your tips of taking small steps are very encouraging, the amount of pressure I put on myself makes me feel like it's never enough. This extend to the feeling of if something goes wrong, my first instinct is "have I done enough" or "is it my fault". And of course, it's so very exhausting and also impacting my confidence. But I am trying to celebrating little wins, telling myself if I have done everything I can then it's enough.

On office politics, I feel like I am too honest and genuine, I need to learn to control my urge to tell people what I really think. Definitely agree with you on not getting involved at the first place. But little things like when my manager stuffed sth up, I struggle to explain what happened cuz I don't want to dob him in.

Thanks for the warm wishes, I want give you a virtual hug in return.

[CyP]

Thanks for the reply and the vurtual hug :)

Judt want to quickly share too- I love Brene Brown's work. Her book 'the art of imperfection" was the first book that has made a shift on my perspective . I keep a few of my favourite quotes from her work around integrity, impefection, and unamoured self in my phone as little reminders :)

[white knight]

Hi again, I can understand how you’d like to meet the challenge of overcoming anxiety without medication and it is your choice. However it is a major health issue and when they develop they need all the available resources to combat it.

Please put these topics into the search bar at the top of the page -

anxiety, how I eliminated it

meltdown back to basics

meditation, words of wisdom, he helped me for 25 years- Maharaji

seeking the origin of anxiety

I hope they help. Reply anytime

TonyWK

[Freewhale]

Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. Will explore further on your suggestions. Cheers

[Freewhale]

Thanks for the reference.
May I ask what your routine is to cope with the anxiety on the daily basis? Or what's the fundamental thing that changed your mindset overall?

Despite my daily attempt of improvement, I still feel quite tormented by all the negative thoughts that come and go during the day? Is it a matter of time? Or techniques?


Thank you.

[CyP]

Hey back :)

I've been taught different strategies to manage negative thoughts ...
The common one is 'leaf down the stream' visualisation ... you put your thought on a leaf, observe it without judgement, and let go of it so it flows down the stream . My therapist taught me that, I liked the idea.

But soon after I came up with another visualisation that really worked for me .

When I have an unproductive thought, I blow that allllllll into a balloon. Imagine it rises like a helium balloon , but still has a string tie to it and you hold on to it , I think that symbolises when we are not ready to let go of that unhelpful thought yet ... it's okay to observe the balloon and observe what's inside, and process it until I'm ready to let that balloon go .

If I'm holding onto too many balloons, the force would pull me up and away , I would lose control. Therefore , I need to let those balloons go, so I can stay grounded .

Regardless of strategies , its important to notice them as they are , and not dismiss them. Acknowledge them they are there , and when you see they are not serving you well, you can say , 'thank you Mind, but that's not helpful and I try to let that go.

For me, it's a matter of practice and time to test your strategies. And knowing your triggers, and staying hopeful .

That's what I try to do. You can come up with your own analogy, or visualisation, if that helps.

It takes practice, and its deliberate , it takes a lot of awareness, and non judgement .

I can see that you are motivated to change, and that motivation / inner incentive will be your fuel to practice these resilient strategies . Your exercise/mindful journaling and other self-care activities will be help refuel your brain :)

You may also look up 'postive reframe' and 'growth mindset' materials to help build some strategies to replace with more helpful /positive/ productive thoughts. Ted talks are great, I also like beyond blue and black dog institute resources too.

There are some videos on neuroscience of negative thoughts, that explains why we all have them from an evolution point of view, and how to get 'unstuck'

https://youtu.be/3ThUrVXz9j0
This is an example.

Be careful with internet sources . If in doubt, start with names and sources from tedtalks / beyond blue etc

Brene Brown also has some beautiful ways of explaining why sometimes we feel need to be a 'perfectionist ' , which explains the feeling of shame and guilt and how they are interlinked. I thought that was really interesting .

Its easier to have compassion when we understand more. I hope you will find additional ideas from the mindspot course. And make use of the phone call catch ups with the clinician , I found them really helpful just talk stuff aloud in exchange for a clearer mind , and at the same time you get some feedback too

More warm wishes coming your way 🙂