Anxious about what people think of me with HSP

Freewhale · ‎20-08-2020

Hi there,

This is my very first post since I discovered this wonderful place. Reading the threads and other people's stories really inspired me. I feel like there is hope at the end of the tunnel and that I am not alone.

My story is quite typical, I am always sensitive towards other people's opinions of me since a young age. And it intensified since I started working. I also have very high expectation of myself, and these two combined have taken a toll on me from mid last year. I was put on multiple projects at the same time, in a territory I am not familiar with, I was working so hard trying make it work. However, with all the pressure and my eagerness to prove myself, it triggered my first anxiety attack. I removed myself from the projects to protect my mental health, but I felt quite shameful since then and ultimately found another job instead.

The new job was great to start with, however, there were a couple of recent changes have shifted the picture completely. Since the pandemic started, I have been struggling for a bit. The constant feeling of not being viewed as a good performer has haunted me on regular basis, I also feel quite difficult to nevigate through the office politics and play the game.

To change it, I've started to jog and meditate every day. I also write journals to record my feelings/achievements. And enrolled to a Mindspot online course. But the negative thoughts still hit me everyday.

Does anyone else experience it? How do you manage it?

CyP · ‎21-08-2020

the mindspot training is CBT based and i believe it has some materials there to help notoce thought (lesson 1) and challenge your biased thoughts / assumptions (lesson 3)

I've kept some course notes and materials so I can revisit them. Recommend that you do the same 🙂

blondguy · ‎22-08-2020

Hi Freewhale

I understand the anguish you have experienced with anxiety symptoms and yes they are awful. You mentioned ' I want to try to manage my anxiety without medication first' and thats understandable

Everyone has varying levels of anxiety as you know. I experienced the same as yourself when I was 23 and also changed careers too. Just for myself....I made the wrong choice by choosing natural alternatives and tried to self heal...for 13 years..ooops

Just as per my own experience...my anxiety actually exacerbated over those 13 years which was unfortunate even though I was super fit..had an excellent diet and practiced meditation

I now understand that the earlier our anxiety is treated with super frequent help from our GP/Counsellor and meds if prescribed.. the better our recovery will be!

CYP wisely mentioned CBT....Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.....That works very well......when we have the determination....patience and a strong desire to heal

I hope you can stick around the forums Freewhale...The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you

any questions are always welcome too!

my kind thoughts

Paul

Freewhale · ‎23-08-2020

Thank you for your reply.

I found the visual techniques very inspiring and practical.

Since I started my mindfulness practice a while ago, it's only in the last couple of days that I started to feel a slight epiphany moment when I can feel a short peaceful moment that was worry free. Visually it feels like I was under dark clouds all the time, but there are a couple of short moments that the sun shines through the cloud and I can feel the warmth.

I am dedicated to keep practicing it until those moments are prolonged.

I still dread for the meetings tomorrow and the worse case scenarios. But I am working on not letting myself get too attached to those thoughts.

Thank you for sharing the materials, I will explore them. Btw I am starting the Mindspot course tomorrow.

Warm hugs/wishes coming your way.

Freewhale · ‎23-08-2020

Hi Paul,

Nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your experience.

I definitely would stick round to the forum. Whenever I stuck in the dark place and need some strength, I found it in here.

I am starting an online cource with Mindspot next week that has CBT built into it. I am also doing my own research on this topic to help myself. For now I can understand the practice but still finding my way to practice it.

I have so much respect for you for your achievement of managing the anxiety for 13 years, and I feel grateful for hearing your experience about what worked.

Thank you.

CyP · ‎23-08-2020

Hey Freewhale

The cloud analogy in meditation is beautiful . Observing all the clouds that come in all shapes and forms , just like our thoughts ... they stay a little , and along they move, and we see light again and remember glorious weather will come our way.

I'm glad for you that you've found that precious moment of peace as a result of your practice of meditation.

It sounds like a feeling or moment that kept you grounded, still, and safe perhaps? Wouldn't it be lovely to remember that feeling of worry-free, so you can retreat back to the calmness whenever you need it. I wonder if that came with some bodily senses too in your epiphany? The breath, a steady heart rate , perhaps? I hope you will find more of these moments through your practice.

I wish you a better week ahead , and all the best with your course.

I also want to thank you for reminding me the power of meditation. I am going to practice more this week. Even just a few minutes , to get started again. Thank you for sharing it here

Warmly,

CP

Freewhale · ‎24-08-2020

hi CP,

Thank you for your kind words.

Today was a tough day for me being Monday at work, at the moment even my manager is saying it's difficult to be with the company due to the tension between different departments and the lack of process. I struggle with that,feel like that I tried so hard but haven't achieved anything. And the future is looking pretty challenging too. I know I need to change my mindset, there are a lot of other ppl experiencing a lot worse.

I keep telling myself that my time would come, keep my head down and focus on what's in front of me. But at the same time, it's a daily battle.

Positive thing is that I've been running for 9 days straight. For me, it's a bit like a meditation session.

My partner has been great in supporting me. And we talk about 3 things we feel grateful everyday.

Hope you are well. How did you go with meditation session? I am still exploring.

Warms wishes.

blondguy · ‎24-08-2020

Hi Freewhale

Its always nice to have a reply (not that we expect one) and thankyou for your super kind words too 🙂

You are very proactive with with your health and Kudos to you. Your course combining Mindspot and CBT sounds like an excellent concept. With your inner strength and determination you will do very well

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue family Freewhale

my kindest always

Paul

CyP · ‎25-08-2020

Hi Freewhale

Work is not an easy space to navigate through. Focusing what matters and what's in our control can certainly help especially on difficult days.

Mediation is going steady for me. Its easier for me to do it before sleeping.

It sounds like you have some support from your partner and a gratitude routine . It's a lovely activity for the mind and is further strengthened with physical exercise . Keep up the great work !!

Warm regards,
CP

Freewhale · ‎25-08-2020

Hi Paul,

Always nice to talk to someone here. Nice to know people going through their own life challenges and still being so warm and welcoming towards others.

I am being proactive, but I still struggle on daily basis. I try to focus on the positives, but still have my episodes.

I am trying, and hopefully grow everyday. How are you going?

Freewhale · ‎25-08-2020

Hi CP,

Thanks for your reply. Hope you had a good day. Good to hear your meditation is going well, I try to do it when I wake up and before sleep, but sometimes fell asleep instead.

I read my 1st chapter of Mindspot course last night, learnt about the cycle of symptoms. It helps me to rationalize things. Will see how I go.

Warm regards and virtual hugs.