Anxiety, worry and fear about the past

[AnxiousOCD]

Hi Everyone, 

 I haven't posted on one of these sights before but I'm struggling with my anxiety at the moment. It's tough because I know my triggers and I know the pattern I go through to trick myself into believing I've don't me something wrong but I just can't seem to shake it. 

I have had anxiety on and off for about 3 years and I have always been an anxious person. I am on medication and have seen a psychologist but having recently just moved I no longer see my psychologist and I believed I was ready to continue on without therapy. 

My triggers for anxiety are missing my boyfriend (he goes offshore for work) and drinking too much alcohol. For the past 3 years I have been in a long distance relationship and only now have I moved so we can be together. He is away at the moment and for the first 2 weeks I was fine and happy and had my anxiety under control but after a night out with friends I triggered my anxiety and have been stuck in repetitive thoughts for the past week. 

 I always revisit the past when I get anxious and try to figure out where and when I could've done something wrong, I worry myself sick that I could've cheated on my boyfriend or lied about something and I go round in circles until I seek reassurance which only gives short term relief and creates a long term problem of not trusting myself. 

Why do I always fall for this trick? Over time i have started to question myself about past events that never bothered me before and I can see that each time I give in to these thoughts means the next time will only be more irrational. 

I don't think my medication helps with any of this either, at first I thought it did but since my anxiety fully returned this year (after a peaceful year last year) i don't see how the medication has helped as my fears only seem to be getting worse. 

[AnxiousOCD]

Does anyone feel like they get trapped in their negative thoughts?

[Robin17]

As someone with anxiety and who gets bogged down in those negative thoughts hopefully I can be of help. I'm not able to really help you with your boyfriend problems, but I can offer you tips from what helps me during those times where everything just seems so awful and you can only think in depressive thoughts.
 Depending on the severity of the thoughts, if its low I'll go outside ad exercise. Its said over and over and for me it works, exercise outside with or without music it just works. I like to do something as hard as possible whether it be a long run followed by a short boxing and some push ups and sit ups etc. As the more I sweat, I see the negative thoughts being sweated out, that through action the negativity just seeps away.
 But when its really bad and you just can't get out of bed, generally this is in the late afternoon/night, I will put on a movie. Those movies that have challenges in them, challenges that you really relate to on a personal level and where it works out, or just movies I love that have a happy ending.. I'm use the Spectacular Now, Short Term 12, Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Lion King and About Time. For me just watching the people push through challenges brightens my world, and by watching something I'm distracted. Then I'll just go to sleep and sleep it off and start the next day brand new.

I would also recommend music, I have a playlist of fifteen songs that do nothing but brighten me, I don't listen to those songs regularly, so that when they get played, its special.
 I hope these help and you can push on. Good luck.

[geoff]

dear AnxiousOCD, hello and it's great to be able to talk with you, and like Robin, who has given her way of overcoming her own thoughts, and I thank her for doing so, because I also have OCD and had it for about 56 years, so what you have said would be no different to what a lot of people on this site struggle with.

Sometimes continuing on with counselling maybe or maybe not be worth doing, but that depends on each person and how much they feel as though they can trust the psych and actually believe what they are trying to achieve is worthwhile.

When I was going through depression, marriage trouble as well as having OCD, I also used alcohol as a self medicating medication, and now in hindsight it wasn't helping me, but then I wanted to numb my feelings, so I know that it's not good but I can understand why you are doing it.

With OCD we have these intrusive thoughts and they can be about anything, especially thoughts that we would never want or actually carry out, but they obsess us and have the strength to control us, no different than what OCD does to us, so it's a vicious circle.

Can I explain my intrusive thoughts which I have told other people, but as you're new I will say them again.

Mine was about my mother who I dearly loved, but these thoughts were that I needed to hit her or hurt her, but there was no way I could do this because I loved her, but as soon as she was put into a nursing home and I saw her, how fragile she was in a wheel chair and how defenseless she was they immediately stopped, I could not do any damage to her because she was my mum, and I loved her and felt sorry for her.

We all go through life doubting about we should have done or what we shouldn't have done, and people who don't have this illness can overcome these feelings without doing any damage, but with OCD it's in the composition of how OCD works.

When I think back to what I should have done but didn't, that my intrusive thoughts were never carried out.

The thought of cheating on your partner or spouse would be a common fear, something which no one would ever want to happen, and it can happen when there is an argument and we have no faith in our partner/spouse, but if we trust them and love them it won't happen, and to torture yourself is not fair.

I would like you to google this 'how to overcome intrusive thoughts ocd' and click onto 'Resources' at the top and order all the printed material, where it has a lot of information is provided. Geoff. x