Anxiety triggering other problems - Am I alone?

[Tkmh2000]

I don't experience anxiety every day, or even 'regularly', like I know others do. I have particular triggers. When they are set off however, my anxiety is debilitating and feels like a tsunami drowning every aspect of my life. One of my triggers is entering into a test, project, new role etc, and feeling like I am not 100% equipped, whether that be with knowledge or specific skill sets or the right resources. During my HSC, my anxiety was terrible because I didn't study properly for the tests and thus didn't feel equipped with the right knowledge. I took medication then that virtually made me a zombie - I can scarcely recall anything from that period I was THAT out of it.

Now, I am entering into a new role at work while taking on part time study. I have had a total of 5 months experience in this particular industry and the role feels beyond what I am capable of. My anxiety sparked since being offered the role and then taking it. It has magnified other issues in my life that I push aside, like trust and commitment issues, self esteem issues etc. I had bulimia about a year and a half ago, and then some years earlier in high school. I generally have a healthy mindset regarding body image and food now but what I have found is that my anxiety triggers bulimic tendencies in me. Rather than a self-image problem, vomiting seems to make me feel like I have some control in my life. Beyond that, it also serves as a distraction to what I am really stressing about. Of course, you can only vomit out what you've eaten which has sometimes led to me trying to vomit nothing, putting stress on my body.

Deep down, I know that I can do this role and uni at the same time. I understand the job description and I am normally very extroverted, bubbly and conversational. I know I made it through all of these other times in my life when I felt entirely anxious and depressed. I just find that sometimes my anxiety is SO powerful and so hard to defeat. Does therapy really help? I continue to tell myself I will reach out to a professional but I never pull through. I've found a local psychologist that I think would be nice. I want the quick relief of medication but I don't want to be dependent on any drug or lose sight of who I am - that outgoing, happy girl. I think what would help is knowing someone has experienced something like this and they've gotten help or gotten through it. I feel I haven't told anyone what I am going through and so don't have anyone to relate to.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello and welcome to the forums. It's a good starting place for chatting to people who understand mental health issues 🙂

Anxiety certainly manifests differently for everyone. I experience it on a daily basis to a greater or lesser degree. But one of my uni friends is as you describe - bubbly and outgoing - and yet experienced major anxiety going into an assessment at uni, which surprised me. So yes, we're all different and get anxious about different things.

Given the impact that your mental health is having on your wellbeing, I would suggest it's a good idea to seek professional help. It certainly can help. It's helped me immensely. You will have to put in the work too, to get "better". But it's worth it. It's good to hear that you've found a psychologist that you might like to see. Sometimes you need to shop around a bit to find someone that you connect with.

Let us know how you go. Katy

[Cobber91]

Your post made me sign up. I'm going through something similar currently; it's manifested over the past year or so since returning from an overseas trip.

I, like you, have said i'd seek help, speak top a GP or psychologist but I never have. Since returning from my overseas trip I obtained a job which I had always striven for, not coordinator level but quite senior. I had to move towns which was fine, exciting actually. My first week was hell, not because of the job or people but because of anxiety. I thought i couldn't do it, i don't understand anything, i'm too slow, everyone around me knows so much more...etc. It was a tidal wave of terror, it almost destroyed my relationship with my long term partner who had to bare the brunt of my mood swings and emotional baggage.

I ended up quitting after 5 months, I couldn't take it but I deflected and convinced others and myself it was because I missed family. Now, 5 months later, i'm surrounded by friends and family and I'm one month in to a new role and it's happening again.

The most frustrating thing is in brief moments of clarity, I know i'm great. I know I'm a great worker and a good person. I know i can do this and that I'm actually capable of more. Yet, i'm stricken. By dark thoughts, negativity, fear and loneliness even though I love more partner like nothing else, and I know she loves me.

Maybe this is the first step for both of us.