Anxiety? Stress? Something else? Scared and hopeless...

[Bushpuppet]

Hi everyone

I’m completely new to this site and was referred to this by my doctor yesterday to seek some advice and knowledge about stress management.  Long story short, I went there for a few things and talking about feeling how I have been was one of them.  But as soon as she started asking questions, I felt very scared and played it down completely.  She did say that if my feelings get to a point where they start to get on top of me, I should go back and see her.  What I failed to tell her was that they are getting on top of me, and I feel I can’t cope much longer without treatment or answers sometime soon.  I felt too scared, and now I will share what’s been going on in hope it will help me feel better until I can brave up and make another appointment to go back and see her

Out of nowhere my heart will start beating really fast and it feels like I can hear my heart beat through the pulsing in my ears, as though I am hearing a beat through headphones – it is that clear.  I start to feel some sort of déjà vu sensation like I’ve already experienced/done whatever it is I am doing in that very moment.  This causes me to feel extremely overwhelmed and I find I start to sweat and suffer from dizziness.  The sensation lasts for about a minute on average.  This happens randomly.  Some examples are:  I will look at a street sign while walking down the street, playing a game on my phone, mid conversation with people and just sitting and working at my desk.  It makes me feel a bit of panic and it takes me a lot of effort to focus on breathing and keeping calm so surrounding people don’t notice something is wrong.  Sometimes the end result may leave me with a minor headache for about 10-15 minutes

I feel constantly nervous and nauseous when I am at work, I find this incredibly difficult to switch off and it has gotten progressively worse over the last 3 months especially.  I’ve found that I have had 2 people in particular within my workplace criticise and nit-pick at things.  I feel that I have had 2 managers who have me under performance management.  Lots of little annoying tasks are added to my workload.  It is not the workload that is bothering me, it is the constant things added which is mainly double checking everything.  If I miss/forget any of these things, I’mconfronted about it immediately, yet I have a team member who is known to waste time by reading eBooks online as well as on her iPhone – nothing is ever done about this, despite bringing it to my manager’s attention.  I feel like I am constantly watched and being checked up on, I believe this behaviour is what has triggered my nervousness, nausea and minor paranoia.  One of these people was an acting manager while someone was on maternity leave, they made it clear they do not like that person and had involved my manager in bitch sessions about her.  I was constantly hearing negative stories and thoughts about this person, who I have had no problems with in the workplace.  She returned to work in April and it has been very uncomfortable to be around because the other 2 are constantly bickering and trying to find ways to trip her up in her work or nit-pick at things she does and wears. One of them tried to tell me that she thinks this person is having an affair with the office manager, and there is a particular skirt she wears that is bright and short in length, an obvious sign she is trying to be flirtatious.  I found both of these suggestions outrageous and completely disturbing and untrue.  That was when I retracted and now sit at my desk with my headphones in.  I avoid interaction with these people as much as I can.  I sneak out to my lunch break to avoid being followed as I was finding my manager would tag along with me and bitch about this person the whole time.  I would listen but not contribute anything negative.  I also believe that because my feedback was not in line with her thoughts, I get treated differently

I feel that due to all these politics, it has having a severe effect on my health and wellbeing.  I have stopped eating well, when I do bother to eat at all.  I am crying a lot either in the bathroom at work or when I get home.  I have never experienced anything like this before so this is all very new and strange for me.  I even chickened out of telling my doctor yesterday how severely unwell I feel when I asked for suggestions on how to cope with this, I made it sound like it’s not such a big deal.

I’m currently seeking employment elsewhere as I don’t believe these issues can possibly be resolved given that the people involved are all heavily involved with how the business functions, one of the culprits in particular is very friendly with upper management so I think it’s just best that I cut my losses and move on ASAP.  I am just hoping something comes up that can get me to escape very soon as I am not sure how much longer I can cope at the moment.  I am still very hesitant to let HR know about these issues also.  Scared it will make everything worse.

If you’re still reading this, thanks for taking the time!  I have no idea if this is what anxiety actually is, but whatever it is – I hate it and I hope by finding a job elsewhere, it will go away completely – my life outside of work is absolutely fantastic, I think that’s the only thing keeping me going right now!

[Ruth_M]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum, and well done on posting about what you are experiencing. What you've described sounds a lot like anxiety and panic attacks. They're pretty common (1 in 4 people) but can be incredibly debilitating without support. We'd suggest getting back to your doctor and letting them know that you would like a referral to a mental health provider. Under medicare you can access sessions with a private clinician who can help you develop some strategies to cope when you feel these experiences coming on. If it is hard to talk to the GP, why not print out what you have shared online and take it with you? If you're interested, you can download the booklet 'A guide to what works for anxiety' from the beyondblue website here:

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/psychological-treatments

With best wishes

beyondblue moderation team

[S_A_D_]

Hello Bushpuppet,

This sounds like a case of discrimination, which is a crime. I would write a formal letter to upper management explaining the situation in detail. Don't be afraid of unemployment. It's really not as bad as what you're experiencing by working there. No one can legally fire you for complaining. If upper management don't fix the problem in a reasonable time, and/or things get worse, you can then contact government officials to step in and evaluate whether working conditions are safe. The worst thing they can do is fire you, then you can say good riddance and consult a lawyer to see if you have grounds for an unfair dismissal suit.

Yoh have the power. Smile! 

[BeeBianca1]

Hi There,

Firstly, well done on taking the first step and writing on the forum! I know it can be hard to get it all out, I am quite new myself.

I suffer from Anxiety and from my own personal experiences it is so important to be honest with your doctor they are there to help, not to judge no matter how scared you might be. (I found telling them I was scared and nervous helped when I was in my appointment and they reassured me.)

When I first went to the doctor and told her about my anxiety she recommended counselling which was great as I didn't want to go straight on medication. A year later after a very stressful time in my life I was back struggling with my Anxiety however, and she recommended medication - something I flat out refused as I was so scared about the whole thing. I told my partner that night, someone who I feel is 'safe' to talk about my anxiety and help me through when I feel at my lowest. We made another appointment together and having him there helped with the decision of going on medication. I am only on a small dose but its helping.

Do you feel you have someone you can talk to about what's been happening at work and how you have been getting anxious, someone you feel you could trust or even come with you to an appointment if you are really nervous about going by yourself?

For me counselling was a really good step before medication, it helped me learn coping strategies for anxiety especially within the stressful situations like you may find at work. But speaking to your doctor is a good step as to what they recommend and what you feel comfortable with.

I think its good that your looking into other job opportunities, its not worth staying if its causing you stress, once you find a new position - usually the HR department with conduct an 'exit interview' they do this with every employee if they are leaving usually, now you can request to put it in writing - if you feel you cant approach them with the office politics etc. then it may be worth voicing it in a letter for them to deal with after you have left the organisation, it may even give you some closure once you have left to know that the issues have been raised.

Lastly do something outside of work that makes you happy that you do for yourself, a sport, hobby or something (Kickboxing maybe haha) to take your mind off things or let go of the days frustration. One thing I have learnt from my Anxiety is, its not a weakness and I openly talk about it because it makes me more comfortable with who I am and hopefully will make people understand.

Good Luck with new endeavours in 2014 🙂