Anxiety is taking over

[Sezza_H]

I have struggled with ongoing anxiety for a while now but these last couple of weeks have been the worst. I can’t do anything now without the symptoms (feeling very faint, nauseous, chills and what I would describe as some sort of hot flushes) of my anxiety completely taking over. In these moments, I get so caught up in these symptoms that I struggle to be “present” or in the moment. I feel this way whenever I am out or whenever someone comes over and it is horrible. Tomorrow, I have to go to a big family event and I am absolutely dreading it because I know how I am going to feel, and I know I won’t be able to enjoy being out nor will I be able to properly socialise.
I just wish that these feelings would stop so I can move on with my life.
I guess I’m really writing just to get it all out. I was also wondering if anyone can relate to this? And does anyone have ways in which they cope with or manage their anxiety symptoms that they find useful?
Thanks

[CJs_mum]

HI and welcome to this safe, good forum. I hope you find you are supported, you are not alone and you are definately welcome here. YOu can say whatever you wish to say, however much or however little - we will not judge, I promise this - as almost all of us are in the same boat or struggling with something on here.

[CJs_mum]

Hi there,
welcome to BB and thank you for reaching out here. I hope you find it safe, good and helpful on your difficult journey. I promise this, you can say as much as you like here, we will not judge you as we are all struggling or have struggled with some stuff life throws at us.
Life can be tough, especially when many of us are inclined to worry or think a bit too much perhas over something/things that life gives us.

Wow, yeah, family do's are difficult things to navigate sometimes, especially when we dont feel up to socialising or faking smiles, etc.
I hope you dont mind me asking a lot of questions here, but i thought that maybe you can think this through a bit. 🙂 we are here, you are safe and you're not going to face this alone.

May I ask here have you spoken to anyone about tomorrow?Is there anyone you could speak to about how it makes you feel? Do you feel safe enough to go anyway?

When you look to future events like tomorrow do you see yourself at least tryiing to enjoy some conversation, even if it feels a bit forced? Do you think it may trigger a panic attack? (If so, there are ways through that and you'll be ok anyway).

Do you see yourself hiding and missing out on the fun?
Do you want to talk with someone about how you feel there? Perhaps someone else will feel the same or at least listen - who knows, maybe try to understand? Families can either be really supportive once they know whats going on - or leave you be at least a bit, or may go the opposite way. I hope the latter doesn't happen. I'm sure at least being there as part of the family will prove to you you can face things, you can at least front up and enjoy the food, make a bit of polite conversation or enjoy something nice - like checking out the hosts books, or yummy food to be thankful for or even the colour of their carpet, what shoes aunt Maud (insert anyone here) will wear this time, or how fluffy their towels in their bathroom are - things like that that can keep you distracted from worrying about how to get through the time with them.

Good luck!

[CJs_mum]

What I've learnt is to try to go anyway.
Tell people youre not feeling too well, so they'll have to excuse you if you need to step outside for a bit every now and then, or that youre not being all that sociable.
Listen to your breath.
Picture a nice, calming scene like walking along a beach (if you like doing that) and pretending that your family are there in the background, supporting you, happy you're there and feeling relaxed too there.
Look at the food: feel it, smell it, nibble it, taste a little bit at a time. Enjoy it. Isn't it nice to have free food that someone took time to prepare just for you.
Look around - what are 5 things that are attractive and appealing or nice to you. Focus on them for a while.
Feel that youre safe. You are in the present - not the future or the past. Here, right now. And you're ok.
Ive learnt a technique where you imagine a circle or bright white or yellow (or your fave colour) light - inside is you. You are YOU. You are safe in that circle and no one can hurt you or get to you there. This is your life, your boundaries, you. Everyone outside is just that - noise and background outside the circle. They dont matter really (if you feel threatened or hurt by them/their words, that is).
Ask for some music to be put on or go read a book of theirs or something.
Step outside if its too much. Keep breathing. Count your breaths slowly. Breathe in positive/happy breathe out the scary/stressed/negative things.
Leave after a bit if you need - at least you went! 🙂

Good luck sweet. Let us know how you went.

[Sezza_H]

Hi CJs_mum,
Thanks so much for replying!
I always find my anxiety so isolating. I rarely talk about it (only my mum knows), despite it being such a big part of my life, and it is the reason why I turn down meeting up with people (family, friends, etc.). I don’t tell them that anxiety is the reason for this though, but rather I’ll pretend I’m sick or act as if I have got other plans just to get out of it. This is isolating, exhausting, and I always feel guilty about lying to people. There are some events however that I can’t get out of, so I put on a brave face in front of them and act as though everything is fine. This is very hard to do when on the inside I feel horrible.
You’re right though, I guess that even though it’s hard there is satisfaction out of the fact that at least I went and talked to some people, enjoyed some good food, etc.
Thanks so much for the techniques you have provided also! I will definitely be trying to focus on my breathing, counting, imagining a calming scene (I really like this one) and if it gets too hard, I’ll excuse myself for a bit and come back after I feel a bit better. It’s nice to know that I’m not completely alone so thanks for reminding me of this. I’ll let you know how I go tomorrow.
Thanks again!

[Sezza_H]

I feel like such a disappointment and a failure. I had a panic attack this morning right before I was meant to leave and couldn’t stop crying. As a result, I didn’t end up going to my family event. I’m so disappointed in myself and feel as though I’ve let down my family.
I can’t do anything anymore. I don’t know what to do.