Anxiety is over coming me.

[Bundy_girl]

Hi I'm new to this site, I'm 46, menopausal and have a lot. Of medical issues, I'm finding hard most days to be positive and strong as the world around me knows, I constantly shake ,have mega brain fog , cry at the drop of a hat ,am seeking counciling and a phycologist, but feel very over come by the smallest thing.Never needed anyone until now as I have faught to be the rock for my children and there supporting role I must as a mother do.

sadly I have lost many a family member over the past 10 years,due to cancer and now as I'm on my third round now, I'm feeling weak,anxiety and depression, but I need help for myself to be the person I once was.

my life story has been all over the place but found contentment in raising my beautiful children one almost 21 and another almost 13. I breathe, I love to garden but can not find the strength to even do that ,I'm living a lie with my kids pretending I'm ok while there at school ,but drop the minute they leave only to rush at 2:30 everyday to make them think I'm ok.

please any suggestions would be taken regards a crazy mum at the moment xo

[CMF]

Hi Bundy girl and welcome,

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I too am 46 and menopausal. Not sure what this means 'I'm on my third round now'. How long have you been feeling this way and do you have a partner or any support?

Have you visited your gp and had your hormones tested? I had mine done last year and they were out of whack which does cause anxiety. You've mentioned you have many medical issues, do you feel like sharing more abut yourself? Totally ok if you do not want to.

cmf

[geoff]

hello Bundy girl, you can't keep on pretending to your children that everything is OK, there are two issues here, one is you're kidding yourself, and secondly it becomes too exhausting to live a life made up of excuses and telling them white lies, but it goes much deeper than being a white lie, you have to tell a lie to cover up your previous lie, it's far to exhausting for you or anyone to try and cope with.
OK parents do tell their children little white lies so that they won't get upset, I think that's part of growing up, as it always goes both ways, we have to admit to that, but respect is what you don't want to lose, and your children are smart they can pick up what's going on, it's too hard to hide.
By telling your kids doesn't mean that they don't respect you, I'm sure all they would want to do is help you, you need to share what you are suffering from, and once they know, then they will offer you so much support.
You know before you pick your kids up from school, your heart would be raising and any anxiety would double, it's not that you don't want to see them, but you enjoyed being alone and being yourself, and to begin this pretence is a huge effort.
Bring up the conversation with your 21 year old and ask them if they have any friends who have had or still suffering from a mental illness, and if they say yes, ask them if they could help them in anyway, if so, then bingo, that's the time to open up to them. Geoff. x

[CMF]

Hi, just to add on to what Geoff said, if you can have a chat with your children you will also be showing them that it is ok to be open about how we are feeling and that it is ok to reach out and ask for help. If one day they should find themselves feeling anxious or depressed they will know that they don't have to suffer in silence, that there is support and that they can come to you.

I know we try to be brave for our children and be the strong one but sometimes we need them to understand that we may be struggling a bit and that is ok. We are not superhuman, and because we ask for help or understanding does not mean we have failed.

cmf

[Cordy]

Hi Bundy Girl

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Depression and anxiety are hard to deal with at the best of times and now add menopause and it seems like our life, feelings and emotions are rocketing out of control. All this is hard to live with. Small steps. Take a minute at a time. Look after yourself. I try to aim at doing 5 things a day which may include brushing my teeth, making dinner, for you it could be dropping your chn off at school, making time for them. These are important achievable goals and be proud of yourself that you can do these. You don't have to suffer alone. Is there anyone you can talk to or just sit and spend time with. I agree, let your chn know. It is important for them too. learn about this together. They will be even greater human beings who have empathy for others and could help others in the future or maybe each other. They may go through this themselves and from learning together you could be helping them. Apparently there are also menopausal clinics that is available for support too. You do not have to do this alone. It is very hard to live with. It is also great that you are seeing a psychologist. Keep this up. Be proud of yourself for what you are doing for yourself and being a role model for your chn. Hang in there. Small steps and be nice to yourself.