Anxiety, ebb and flow

[white knight]

In 2012 after many years I believed I conquered anxiety and in 2017 wrote about it.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

Since then it has poked its head in and out of my life but I've been able to close the door on each occasion. How?

1. Charity begins at home. Putting your needs first must be a priority. I've noticed with friends this isn't being accomplished. Running grandchildren around and helping out family or friends is not attending to yourself. 

2. Underestimating anxiety. Often others illnesses are visible. Break a leg and watch others swarm around to help. Anxiety isn't so easily repairable and isn't a bbq topic.

3. Shut down your stress when anxiety returns. Delegate finances, computer issues or child minding. 

4. Do what chills you out. For me it's my train set or tinkering. I used to do jigsaws. 

5. Turn your phone off.

Do you have methods you revert to when anxiety returns? Please share them

TonyWK 

[therising]

Hi Tony

I always deeply appreciate your insight. To hold the light (enlightenment) is one thing, to share that light makes a person a lighthouse in sometimes dark and stormy times for others. You're a strong and incredible guiding light who also projects great warmth.

With anxiety being a first time experience for me last year, I could not figure out what the heck was going on with me. Why, at 52, was I experiencing anxiety for the first time? What did it feel like? Where and what were the triggers? How did/do I need to manage them? The quest continued with a lot of questions and some interesting answers or solutions. Life is definitely a 'learn as you go' experience.

• First, I renamed anxiety 'hyperactivity'. While a really great and healthy level of activity can feel fantastic while it runs throughout the mind and body, serious hyper activity can feel overwhelming and literally breathtaking. Feeling just about every aspect of the body going into a hyper state can feel terrifying. The question became 'How to manage it in different cases?'
• I found a major trigger to be hyper active thinking. One day it just clicked, 'I can feel the speed at which I'm thinking'. Definitely a breathtaking speed. Can also feel the volume of my thoughts (an overwhelming number of challenges). In some cases, it became about slowing things down by getting everything out on paper. It became about creating a list of priorities and scrapping what wasn't a priority or my responsibility, which is something you mention. A constructive 'breakdown' (of factors) typically involves a list which points to the 'lead up'
• In wondering what could help calm the hyperactivity in my body, what came to mind one day was 'Imagine the stress or fear inside you is like black smoke. Your job is to exhaust it, breathing it all out, until it becomes clear'. While such a breathing meditation takes a bit of imagination, what it does to the body is calming. Longer breaths out or exhausting breaths helps calm the nervous system, heart rate, the amount of energy charging up the cells in our body etc etc. Strange to think that the body sighs/vents so as to naturally release energy. Stressed and naturally highly energetic people tend to sigh a lot for good reason
• Began to gain a better sense of feeling when it came to which stimulants in life proved triggering. For example, I've gained a better sense of what feels like a lead up to 'the tipping point' in relation to volume of challenges. Have gained a better sense of what too much caffeine actually feels like. A lack of time management can definitely feel anxiety inducing when not enough time is felt. The list goes on. I challenged myself to become more sensitive so I could get a better sense of what puts me into a state of stress/anxiety/hyperactivity. It's all still a work in progress 🙂

[white knight]

Hi, the rising. Thankyou for your words.

When manic prior to 2009 I would try to overall "slow down", not knowing I had a mental health issue. Observe, assess, consider, change/remain, try out. That was the theme I adopted. Eg watching slow work colleagues that I had personally branded slow, lazy, time drains waiting for the knock off bell. I tried copying their pace, oh that was so hard. I felt I wasnt living or achieving anything. So, a half way point was tried, which ended up a more relaxed version of myself. That point of pace ended up similar to when meds were commenced.

My pop would drive his old Zephyr at 80kph even on the highway. I tried and it drove me nuts. I then trid 95kph and adopted that because it was half way to speeding which ended up stressful, speeding fines and no relaxation to chat.

"volume of challenges" is a good description. Nowadays the sheer number of challenges is huge. tasks, chores, computer issues, bank fraud, take the rubbish out, cook, clean etc. My triggers involve the unexpected like the dog needs a VET or the mower breaks down. They are my triggers, because I'm chasing my tail. 

I wrote a thread called "a good nights deep sleep". It was based on our discarding of sleep as a major factor in our mood. Recently we were in a position to purchase a electric bed and high quality mattress. I cant begin to explain the superb sleep we are getting not only less physical problems when waking but good sound sleep. That leads to less triggers during the day we've noticed.

You list of priorities is interesting and I too wrote down some. One was not allowing others to cause me drama when unwarranted. Last xmas there was drama prior to xmas day. I cancelled the xmas lunch and only had our daughter and her husband over. Only 4 of us and sooo relaxing. So 3 other blood relatives were excluded including my sister. I havent seen her nor spoken to her since and am so much more relaxed. "Charity begins at home". We have to reassess constantly to improve our lives and learn to be selfish.

I have to "stop saving the world". But if I did I'd lose my character. So that balance is constantly sort after.

TonyWK

[Annas1]

Hello Tony and the Rising both,

I really appreciate your accounts of how to recognise and respond to episodes of anxiety. Learning to accept and better manage the reality of anxiety as it shows up in our thoughts, feelings and symptoms continues to be an apprenticeship in self-understanding for me. Renaming anxiety as "hyperactivity" is an interesting approach, and one that I think could be really useful. It takes away the value judgement that I find sticks to "anxiety" (in my own mind, moreoften) and describes the felt-sense I have when the physical "alarm" goes off. If I rephrase my experience as an episode of mental and physical "hyperactivity" there seems to be more distance between my core self and this particular experience I am having. When I label my experience as "anxiety" I think I feel more responsible for and fused to the experience, as if it is due to my own failing/incompetence that I am in this state. And then the downward spiral can really get going. Language does make a difference.

FYI I haven't been on the forums for a long while, and recognise that today is a day to actively seek support and community for the current episode of anxiousness i'm experiencing. So yes, I am definitely feeling over-activated (and pretty weary), and rue this familiar response to situational triggers. I do believe, however, I'm bringing more acceptance, assertiveness and compassion to the table.

Let's be our own champions, showing bravery, kindness and not a little awkwardness in our complex, valuable and unique lives. (Credit to B Brown for the "brave, awkward, kind" motto.)

Annas

[white knight]

Hi Annas1

It's great to read your response. I agree, language makes a difference, "anxiety" is now dismissed as a slight nervous condition easily overcome if you just try. It's sad that a serious condition is pigeon holed along with bandaids.

In the thread "anxiety,  how I eliminated it " I mentioned it took 22 years to do so. Written many years ago my anxiety is now ebbing and flowing! That proves to me it's never eliminated,  it lurks.

I'm very interested in your "core" issues mentioned. If you care to share any deep feeling. There's compassion here for you

TonyWK 

[Annas1]

Hi Tony,

Yes, I find it frustrating sometimes when I disclose my challenge with anxiety and am met with a response such as "Oh yes, I have anxiety too. It's really common." I don't doubt that many people experience anxiety - it is after all a normal human emotion - but clinical anxiety is something more serious and not "normal". That said, making a commitment to learning how to manage and push back against anxious feelings is also important, and is one of the tools in the knapsack.

The idea I had in mind about "core self" is that I now see the essential, non-changing, valuable part of myself as untouched/unmarked by in-the-moment experiences of anxiety. I guess it's another way of saying that I remind myself to not be defined by anxiety, which is a habit or understanding I used to have. So, to me, there is something more profound and more true about my core or essential self that I want to access when I'm feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. It also helps me not to blame myself for feeling anxious or needing to make adjustments in my life to accommodate my anxiety.

I feel I've been actively conversing with/managing/listening to my anxiety for about 12 years now. Perhaps there's a few more years to go before I can become comfortable with its presence in my life. Thanks for your words.

Annas

[white knight]

Hi Anna

Not being defined by you illness is a major accomplishment. Same as I'm no longer defined by bipolar2, anxiety  depression and dysthymia. They are part of me and without my dysthymia I wouldnt have written the 300 or so poems I've written, nor used them to comfort loved ones as I presented them at eurologies and victims of crime. To quote Stephen Fry "If I was reincarnated I'd want to be so with my bipolar because without it I wouldnt be me"

So these illnesses in context become like scars on our limbs, freckles and sore joints. Then they can be utilised to help others as members here do. 

Others without mental health issues discount our problems easily.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/they-just-wont-understand-why/td-...

LEGS OF SPOKE

How can I let them know?

when to dark exceeds the glow

when the sun hides behind the clouds

silence they hear- but I scream so loud.

Some stand beside a 6 foot hole

shake their heads and see its toll

they ask how he could have dropped

out of the circle- a forget me knot

Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope

when they sight a person with legs of spoke

A cripple girl pushing her chair

A man be manic- there's no one there

"Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad

like the cyber crow who remains so glad

keeps flying and in full flight

Carves his craft in the middle of the night

For some in power see it their way

even at the side of a 6 foot grave

shake their head and call out "why"

"Why on earth- he didnt have to die"

So kind some be- they reach out so true

smile then say "we want to meet you"

"bring along your vintage car and your smile

but leave at home whats behind your dial"...

So we laugh and dine and all is ok

leave at home come what may

if I be saddled with legs of spoke

they'd lift me around- bloody good bloke

But as my mind hurts so bad

cannot hide my feelings- mad?

Cant maintain "bloody good bloke"

Sometimes I wished...I had legs of spoke......

Tony WK