Anxiety and OCD

[Mattmann]

Hello, I am certain that I have depression/anxiety. But I have autism and OCD. I am currently on antidepressants. I have a wife and two kids. My reason for having depression/anxiety is that I struggle to cope with life. Here are some things:

Getting upset after an argument.

Feeling like I am a waste of space.

My parents divorced when I was little.

I have no job and an unsuccessful education.

I eat a lot when I am hungry and bored.

I struggle being on a pension and always low on money.

I don't get to see my friends as much in person (we only keep in contact via Facebook). I am obsessed with a friend who I used to study with.

I often get angry and annoyed easily (over silly things such as not having enough hot water for my shower). I badly suffered from OCD (with showering, washing my hands and checking if my door was locked/if taps are turned off) when I was in my late teens/early 20s and my mum resented it.

I get talked out of doing/having what I want.

Used to get bullied at school.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi Mattman

Gosh sounds like you are having a tough time. Welcome to the forum and congratulations for being brave enough to share how you are feeling.

You mention that you think you have depression/anxiety, is that how you were prescribed the antidepressants or is that for the OCD? Have you seen your GP recently? They might think it is time for you to try another type of medication or even a different treatment plan like seeing a psychologist.

When we feel overwhelmed by our thoughts and can't focus on anything else, we tend to stop thinking about little things we can do to feel better. When I was in my worst throes of anxiety I could only think about surviving and getting through each day.

Is there something you can do each day that makes you feel happy? Eg going for a walk to the local park, making a coffee and reading the news each morning?

Have you spoken to your wife about how you are feeling? Or your kids (I am not sure how old they are). Or even a neighbour?

I look forward to chatting further.

Blue Jane

[EllenG]

Hi Mattmann,

I'm new to these forums too. A little bit of background about me - I have social anxiety and 'adjustment disorder' and I'm currently studying a counselling degree (in genetics).

It can often feel quite frustrating to be feeling down, stuck, and in a bad space. When I feel this way, I become easily irritable at little things and small conversations. A small disagreement can feel like a fullblown argument when you're in a bad space. It sounds like you've faced a lot of tough times growing up - you've mentioned school, your parent's relationship, job and education. I'm not sure how old you are or what stage of life you're in, but it's never to become 'unstuck', follow your passions and find time to do things that you enjoy.

When our bodies are feeling a lot of stress like what you've described, we find mechanisms to help us cope, such as oversleeping, eating unhealthy food, closing ourselves in and finding immediate pleasure (some people drink, for example). What you feel sounds completely normal based on the hard times in your life that you've described. I also have trouble connecting with my friends and sometimes feel like there must be something wrong with me.

This is something that helps me: to write down a list of things that make you excited, or things that you've always wanted to do. ( My partner had low finances and no degree, but has started a successful video company) Is there a place you've always wanted to go, or take your kids? A project you've always wanted to start?

Can you identify what you are struggling with the most? (eg. finances? memories?)

I hope I could help a little. You're not alone in this.

Ellen

[PersistantHope]

hi matt

i found your story quite interesting, i do not mean to show intent of entertainment. more so that i see someone who does have many troubles that occur and have been even still a result of past events.

I think that you still hold blame things that happen in the past. i too did this for a long time. i blamed the bullying, the isolation and embarrassment on the people who obviously committed it. a few issues socially, circumstantially and mentally stemmed from this happening. so many factors all stabbed their dagger into what caused me problems. but i am starting to let them go. i am starting to understand that past really is the past, yeah it may still affect my life, but it does not affect it like it did last week, last month, last year. i - you - anyone - has the ability to change what they perceive about their issues, has the ability to change the future to what they want. yet all this depends on opportunity. iam waiting patiently for the opportunity to really turn my life around, as much as i fear this, i need it or my time in this place will be extremely and artificially limited.
i want to use this analogy... "imagine being in quicksand, sometimes you have to take a deep breath, hold it tight as you sink to the bottom, as soon as you hit the bottom, you have the opportunity to kick off and get yourself out of it."
i think being unemployed with - i hope - a supportive wife and kids, and friends - distant or not - is an amazing opportunity to make great gains. go out there and fight for a job that you dream of, go and meet those friends, have a great time with them and indulge in their compassion. smiles and laughter really are the best medicine.

i believe in you.

p.s, you may correct me if anything i have said is ill-informed.