Aniexty is exhausting

[Blusky]

Hi there,

I am a first time poster. Firstly I'd like to thank everyone for being so brave, it helps to know that I am not alone, and neither are you.

I honestly don't know where to start. My anxiety has flared up after a couple of years of managing my symptoms. I was lucky enough to be able to come off medication, however I am now needing assistance to help me sleep. I never wanted to be back here again. Sigh.

The constant thoughts and feelings of fear and failure is really getting me down. It affecting my sleep and my relationship.

And, don't get me starterd on my mood swings, they are exhausting!

I originally recognised that I had aniexty (and it's cousin, depression) after loosing my dad, who was my world, even in my 30's. During his illness, I was his carer, however i look back and wish I could have done more. I knew at the time that I was giving all I could without loosing me completely. Anyway, I digress. During dads sickness there was family fewd's as well, not directed at me, all around me.

Since then I have discovered that I had blocked out a lot of childhood memories to cope, these were emotional struggles that I had experienced as a result of events throughout my childhood ( emotional events) . Although I have grown and learnt a lot about myself, these feelings still haunt me and I find that I no longer cope as well, to the point that I stress over things that I may have said and done during the day, it almost an obsession. I also learnt that I work in a toxic workplace but I can't quit as the fear of starting somewhere new is unbearable.

I practice mindfulness, excercise, write my thoughts down and In the past have seen a psychologist. I don't know if I have the energy to go back to a psychologist or seek online courses , I would really just would like to sleep for a week uninterrupted and to not need medication just to get a few hours quality sleep.

Whoever is reading this, if you are comfortable to share any methods that you have used that has helped you in the past get back on track I'd really appreciate it. Or just share you story

Thanks for listening.

[Booklover17]

Hi Blusky,

I am having a bad spell at the moment too. You said you wake up with your heart pounding - a few months ago I woke up hyperventilating. The only thing that worked for me was clenching my fist and breathing. Nothing else helped. I had a panic attack on the weekend that went on for hours. I have had them before and they are so scary. I am exhausted too with my anxiety and scared. Good luck with yours.

[Blusky]

Thanks for reaching out Bookerlover17. It sucks that you are going through a bad spell, but it’s also nice to know I’m not alone.

Panic attacks are the worst. I sincerely hope yours calm down soon. If not keep posting on this thread when you feel you need to.

Take care.

[BirdieBro]

Hi Blusky, it sounds like a difficult place that you’re in. Im also struggling with life at the moment. I’ve discovered a free running group. (I’m SO NOT a runner or athletic in ANY way) I come last every week. while i thought I’d be humiliated, I wasn’t. The marshals encouraged me. I walked most of the way around the 5k track, when I ran I had to concentrate on my breathing so I couldn’t think of all that was on my plate bringing me down. Even when I walked I was so puffed out that I just breathed. I was mesmerised by the feet running or walking in front. I felt great for a good while after. I dread going. Drag myself there, and buzz on a high for hours afterwards.

A 5k walk or run might be too big or too small I don’t know, there may be something else for you, but it has given me some reprieve from my stresses. I just wanted to share, in case it helps.

[Booklover17]

Hi Blusky,

You are definitely not alone. I hope you are managing ok at the moment. My panic attacks have stopped at the moment but I am still feeing the after effects - sadness, being overwhelmed. I feel like what else could my brain possibly put me through? Any sort of mental illness is so hard to deal with. At least if you hurt yourself physically you and others can see it and give support but having your thoughts as the illness is just so hard.

[Blusky]

So just coming out of an anxiety attack. It was somewhat unexpected but not at the same time.

work is my trigger, I like what I do, the team and company isn’t working for more anymore, I have options but I cannot land a job offer, a part of me is terrified that I am not good enough, I will only ever be in my current role. This is no longer an option for me. I need to leave. I am not supported both personally and professionally, just taken advantage of. I cannot even get leave when I want or need to, even a personal leave day I am given a hard time for.

I am not confident in my manager, I am not sure they would give a supportive reference.

How do I take the next steps? Is the grass actually greener?

I feel stuck and helpless.

[coal]

hello Blusky, in my limited experience when we feel shitty then we think shitty thoughts and our shitty thoughts prevent us from seeing alternate views. Im glad that you have come through an anxiety attack you sound well grounded and I am sorry that your work seems so heavy.Thinking you need to leave may actually be the motivating factor that will enable you to do whatever needs doing. Till then kick back a bit I dont think it could hurt. I had 4.5 hours sleep so what do I know anyway, just keep going

[Blusky]

Thank you coal, I like you straight view on things, anxiety it just shit.

Me too! I am tired and the day hasn’t even started.