Am I just shy?

[cjs96]

Hi, so I've recently just moved schools in the last year and I've really found it quite struggling. I've been known to always be shy but I didn't think it was anything more. I became so afraid of not fitting in that I wasn't able to string a sentence together to talk to people. I'd just smile and sit there quietly unless someone spoke to me first. I then cut myself off making it harder to fit in and for people to like me. It was then after when I made friends that they suggested it wasnt just shyness.. They've started teasing me about the possible chance that I have social anxiety and they continuously say I have no social skills and I am awkward to be around. Its probably not teasing because it is the truth. It was then I started weighing out the possibilities. I don't go to parties because I dislike meeting and interacting with people I don't know, if I drink its usually so I feel more confident with myself, I am much more talkative when I drink, I hate walking into class rooms with everyone seated because I know I'm being judged, I hate going to school because I fear that the teacher will pick me to answer a question and I won't know it, I usually blush when people that I am unfamiliar with talk to me,I can't maintain eye contact, my voice is usually weak when people ask my questions so im having to repeat myself, (this brings more attetion to myself) I sweat excessively, and as of recently I stutter when I'm talking to someone who intimidates me which is mostly everyone. The stress and the worrying from what other people think of me is really holding me back from day to day things, particularly from playing sport because i'd have to meet new people. Lately I wonder if it would be better if I didn't exist because I feel like a freak. I don't even know if there is anything wrong with me and perhaps I'm just attention seeking or I'm over thinking things but I do know I don't  like to feel this way and I've been spending a lot of nights crying and losing sleep from thinking about all this. Is this normal? 

[stowaway]

Hi, I'm not an expert and I can't really offer you any advice but I can say that you are not alone.

I can relate to almost everything you have talked about.  Hopefully, over time we can learn to overcome our issues.

Alex.

[seaeagle7]

Hi cjs96,

It sounds like you are suffering from low self esteem and think that you are not a good person who is worth knowing.

Most people are shy when they are put in an unfamiliar situation like going to a new school or starting a new job so just think it is okay to have some of these feelings.

As for what others say, you can't control that so try not to worry about it. It would be good if you could find a couple of nice friends to spend your time with. Sport could be a good way to meet them but you will need to make an effort.

I'm sure you are not a freak and I think you might benefit from going to see the school counsellor and discuss some of your concerns to get a wise opinion on your feelings. Nobody should spend their nights crying and not sleeping and even if it is someting more like your a bit depressed there is always someone who can help.

Good luck to you and never give up.

[Pixie15]

Hi cjs96,

Just a few thoughts I had as I was reading your post. I know what it is like to have trouble fitting into a new school. It is really tough that you made some friends and then they started to tease you. But if they are your friends maybe they are trying to help you. If you have a school counselor you might consider speaking to them about your concerns. If you think you will have trouble expressing your feelings to another person you could take along some notes on what you have written here. You can help yourself to speak more confidently by practicing reading in front of a mirror. Also by recording yourself and listening and adjusting your voice. Look yourself in the eye and say I am a good and confident person.Positive self talk can help. Also exercise can be really good to help with both anxiety and shyness. If you have trouble with team sports you could try one of the martial arts. I know from my experience that the more I give in to the worries and fears the harder it becomes. You have your whole life to party try to avoid getting caught up in the trap of self medicating with alcohol. Best wishes, Chris.  

[Luke_Hugo]

hi,

Everybody feels awkwardness when they are put in a new and/or strange situation. The trick is taking the first step outside your comfort zone. Talk to someone you usually wouldn't; engage in an activity that you have interest in but haven't done. I've personally spent a lot of time worrying about what others think of me, and wondering what to say to break the ice, and sometimes I still do, but this is how a lot of people feel at first. Just be comfortable with yourself,